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Sound Off! Is It Ever Acceptable to Declare Your Baby Gender Preference?

09/23/2008 at 01:30 PM ET
Scott Kirkland/INF; Mike Marsland/WireImage

Obviously you can’t choose the sex of your child, but that doesn’t stop some parents-to-be from stating their desire for a little boy or girl. Recently, Jamie Oliver set off a big debate on CBB when he claimed he’d be "lying if I said it wouldn’t be great to have a boy," and even went on to say he’d adopt if baby number three was a third girl for his family. Charlie Sheen, father to three daughters, has said of wife Brooke Mueller‘s pregnancy that "perhaps a boy awaits us;" and when Brooke Burke discovered her fourth child would be a boy, she said "my fiancé has always desperately wanted a boy and I have been wishing for a son as well, all my life." 

On the flip side, Matt Damon, dad to three girls, has embraced the gender imbalance in his family without complaint. So is someone right and someone wrong? Is it OK to state your desire for a girl or boy, or offensive?

So here’s your chance to Sound Off! Tell us your thoughts on declaring you’d like a boy or girl.

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Showing 126 comments

Natasha on

Personally I don’t think anything is wrong with saying what you’d prefer. I know I’d love my children either way although I’d love 3 daughters.

Jacki on

I am a mum to an 18 month old boy. I am going to try for another baby in the future and would love to have a little girl. However i would still be happy if i had another boy. I do feel a bit uncomfortable saying outloud though that i would like a little girl as it would be terrible if the child (if it were a boy) to find out that mummy wanted a a girl.

Kat on

I think it is horrible. When I have kids – sure, I’d love at least one of both gender… but I’d be very, very happy with all boys or all girls if it came to that. I would just want that baby to be healthy.

marwah on

yes it is acceptable , when a woman wants a daughter thres no problem but when a man wants a son its unacceptable. i had a son and when i got preagnant i prayed for a girl and got it, theres nothing wrong with having a dream of doing things with your daughter just the same for a man and his son , either way everybody is going to love there child regardledss of gender but theres no harm in hoping…

Laura on

I think it is fine. I have a son already and really wanted my current pregnancy to be a girl. I will admit to a brief moment of what was almost sadness when I was told baby 2 was also a boy. That being said, I got over that feeling very quickly and am happy that the baby I am having is healthy.
Does this make me a bad person? I don’t think so, though others might disagree, I think it just makes me human with an opinion.

C-ann on

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It’s normal and nothing to feel bad about. I told everyone I wanted a boy. If I would have had a girl I would have been just as happy. It’s ridiculous to think that could be taken as a negative thing or that I would have been anything but happy either way. People are too sensitive. Geeze.

Loren on

I wanted girls, got boys. I think it is OK to say what you want. As long as you’re satisfied with what you get. I was mainly glad they were healthy the most important thing whether girl or boy

Kerri on

Nothing long with prefering a gender and vocalizing it, unless you’ll be unhappy with the other gender. Most people, if they’re honest about it, will have SOME sort of preference, but that doesn’t mean they won’t want the opposite gender.

I can especially see it when people have all one sex and would really like the other…it makes sense to want to experience both.

But getting really upset over not having a particular sex is a pretty selfish reaction. As long as you’ll be happy and love your baby regardless of sex, it’s OK in my book.

My parents had 2 girls…I always knew my dad wanted to have a boy as well, but I knew he loved us both a huge amount. It never bothered me.

Carol on

What difference does it make? You get what you get and you love it either way. Although I wanted a girl, it made no difference when he was out, I forgot all about it and just loved my baby.

Alice on

I think people are way too sensitive about things aren’t their business. If Jane and John Doe have a preference for 3 boys, then hooray for them; why does my opinion matter? Everybody has a preference on everything. In the end a healthy baby, regardless of sex is all that really counts.

Mia on

I don’t have kids-and Won’t be for a very long time. But I’ve always wanted 3 kids-2 Boys and 1 Girl.

Preferably Boy/Girl/Boy
or Boy/Boy/Girl

Petra on

It is absolutely natural to desire a boy or a girl, especially when family already have several children of opposite gender, as it is in both aforementioned cases. If we couldn’t even express what gender of baby we want, we could say good bye to freedom of speech.
In my opinion the main problem is that the both famous families desire a boy. It sounds suspicious in our time, when discrimination of women is seen in everything, it’s sometimes almost hysterical. I’m sure that if families had wanted a girl, the question wouldn’t have been put.

Kristin on

I have 2 boys that I adore, but when I got pregnant for the third time I knew that I wanted this one to be a girl. We found out that we are expecting another boy, which I will admit was really hard for me to deal w/ at first, but when I saw his cute little face on the 4D ultrasound I just fell in love.

Rachel on

Kat — you made the statement that you think it’s horrible and then you did exactly what you said was horrible — expressed your desire to have one of each EVEN IF all you really care about is a healthy baby.

I get what you mean… I would hate to hear a parent stand up and say they’ll be disappointed or upset if they don’t have the sex they prefer… but I don’t think that’s generally the intent, just as it obviously wasn’t in your statement.

I think just about every person who has a child has some small desire as to what they want that child to be… that doesn’t mean they won’t be happy if it doesn’t turn out that way.

I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “We’d love to have a boy this time”… even if they end up having a girl.

Holly on

We are proud parents to a just-turned 2 year old daughter. We both wanted a girl with my first pregnancy and if we have another in the future, we desperately want another girl. Honestly, we would be pretty disappointed if we conceived a son, but of course, would love him just the same. We know there is no control over gender when making a baby, so what will be, will be. We are just hoping we get lucky and our wish comes true. I have nothing against boys, so if you’re reading this, please don’t take it that way, we just have our preference. It’s like choosing red meat over white meat. We love both, just would choose the red meat first if we had the choice. I think it’s totally acceptable to voice your preference of gender when it comes to having kids.

SARA on

I hate the men who says” I want my first child to be a boy for playing soccer with him etc..
And I don’t like the people who eat some kind of food for having a boy or a girl..
I mean,you get what you get you can’t decide it.
But If you have three or more girls and you wanted a boy or you have three boys and you want a girl It’s normal..
I think that it’s nothing wrong with it but the most important thing is the health of the baby and It’s better when you say “I’d like a boy or a girl” than “I want a boy (or a girl)or I needed a son (or a daughter)

Maz on

I want a daughter, because I WANT a daughter, Jamie Oliver wants to have a son bcause HE WANTS a son. Its their own families, their own lives. If weren’t interested in them then we would never had known their feelings about the subjects and wouldn’t have got ourselves involved and passed judgement, if they were your neighbours would you so involved as to say to their face – why should it matter, be lucky to be able to have children???? the problem is people here think that by having a preference if they have the opposite child it means they are disappointed, i doubt that! Even if the mother or father does’nt vocalise it doesn’t mean they have their own preferences. I know many people who after given birth ‘my husband wanted a son but its a girl and im so happy’ and people are going to take liberties with that statement.

Nicole on

I don’t particularly find it odd or “wrong” when someone declares a preference for a pregnancy to produce a boy or a girl. Yes, we see it most often when a parent or couple has more of one sex or another (in both the Oliver’s and Sheen’s cases) but it happens with first time parents as well. While it’s fine and wonderful for a parent to truly not have a preference, I don’t think it’s wrong to want one gender over the other, either.

kay-d's mommy on

I had 2 boys and when i got pregnant again me and my husband wanted a little girl to complete our family although i never said it much just in case i had another boy i didn’t want to go back and feel bad about it. Although my husband never hid it he told everyone and anyone. I don’t think it is bad because you will love your child no matter what the gender.

Bobbi on

I think many people (women, especially) dream of their families when they’re very young and what children they’ll have. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted 2 boys and 1 girl. Though no one can determine what children they will get when the time comes, it’s always something people think about. I’m sure that they believe, much like I do, as long as the baby is healthy, it doesn’t matter the sex. But sometimes, if a family is more girl-oriented, the father tends to wish for a male to get more testosterone in – vice-versa for a mother with more sons than daughters. My mom, who was a tomboy all her life, did not want any girls, yet, when she had me, everything changed. I think that’s how people approach it; you may want one, but when you get the other, everything falls into place.

Emerald on

You should have no shame saying outloud your desire to have a boy or girl…everyone has their reasons…but when that little angel comes you will love them no matter what. I will be honest, my husbands family name is Testosterone, they are all males, having a boy is given. My mother in law, husband , and I openly hope for at least one girl.

Susan on

I think it is fine to lean toward one gender or another. I think it is fine to make those leanings known. But once you find out the gender (either by technology or the good old fashioned way) it doesn’t matter. I was supposed to be a boy. Mom had gotten used to the idea of me being a boy and was excited for a second son. Out I popped and she didn’t care. I was healthy. I think that is the same for most women. It is okay to say “I want a boy” or “We would love a girl.” What is important is that these people are NOT saying “We only want a boy.” “We don’t want another girl.” No, they are excited to meet their new little person and that is fine. If you love the little bugger once he or she comes out, it doesn’t matter what you wanted before.

Jen on

With so many childless couples and couples who have trouble conceiving, I think it is inappropriate to “wish” for one sex over another. It seems to just throw one’s good fortune in the face of all those who would love a baby, any baby. It is insensitive to anyone who has ever had trouble with infertility.
It also is very unfair to the children. What if Jamie Oliver has another girl? Will she be any less loved? What happens when she one day realizes that she was supposed to have been Daddy’s boy? And what does this say to his other daughters? That they weren’t the right sex and therefore are worth less? While I realize none of these questions are probably true (I’m sure Jamie loves his little girls and will be over the moon if another is born) they are inevitable. It also is odd that most of those quoted have girls. Is our society still so old fashioned that boys are the preferred gender? I even found myself, a new mother to a son, a little smug when I found out I was having a boy. How horrible! Every child should be equally wanted and equally loved.

Tina on

I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with stating a gender preference! Big deal… it is sad that our society has become so politically correc. No one can say anything without someone being offended. Just because a parent hopes for one gender over the other does not mean that little baby will be less loved once it arrives, regardless of what sex it is.

PS: I have 3 girls and 2 boys, and personally hoped for a girl each time! Guess what? I love my boys to death… just like their sisters ;)

Nola on

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a preference, except when it is taken to an extreme. I have to admit, it does bug me when I hear people who have 2-3 healthy kids of the same gender constantly pining for another child of the opposite gender–it seems extremely ungrateful and almost selfish. Instead of wishing so hard for your desired gender why not channel that energy towards love and thankfulness for the children you’ve been given?

I can only speak specifically about my aunt and my great-parents when it comes to this subject. My great-grandparents (who only had and wanted one child) wanted a boy so badly, that when my grandmother was born they named her Thomas Edward–yes, in the early 1920′s my great-grandparents named their daughter Thomas Edward! On top of that, my grandmother has told me that her earliest memories consist of Christmases where she was given cowboys and indians dress-up sets and toy trains. Now obviously this would be no big deal if she was a girl who happened to like these kinds of things, but my grandma is ironically the epitome of all things feminine! I do think her situation was an extreme but I also don’t think it is all that uncommon.

My aunt, on the other hand, gave birth to three healthy boys and has never stopped openly pining for a daughter–to the point where she has written a poem about the “daughter” she never had. I can only imagine how that made my cousins feel. What I don’t understand is that if she wanted a daughter that badly, why not adopt a girl?

I for one couldn’t care less about the gender of my future child/children. I’ll get what I’m meant to have and that’s that.

Brittany on

I don’t have children but me and my boyfriend know we want some one day. I’d love to have at least one boy and one girl, so I can have the experience of raising both genders. If I have all boys, then so be it. I’ll love every single one like nothing in this world and if i have all girls, I’d feel the same. I don’t think it’s offensive to wish to want a boy or girl. I understand that for some a house full or or a house full of boys can be stressful but it’s not like their complaining. I’d like to have a girl so i can to the cliched mommy daughter things, like teach her how to put make up on abut I’d also love to have a boy so he can go with his daddy to go fishing. Again, I don’t think it’s offsenive or rude. No matter what gender the baby is they love them, or should at least.

Becky on

As long as you are stating a preference and not putting down or dissing a certain gender, it should be fine to say you’d like to have a son/daughter. For many reasons, a lot of parents want one of each (and sometimes more,) and saying you want to balance your family by having a boy when you already have girls is totally normal. I wanted a girl first and had a son that I love more than life itself. So in the end, you will wind up with the baby that is meant for you and you can’t imagine your life with any other baby. That said, I’ve got my fingers crossed we have a girl next!

madylane on

Oh jeez, it is fine to have a preference. Most people do. It doesn’t mean you don’t want a healthy baby It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love a baby with health problems of any gender. Parenthood is an experience and there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience the joys and tears of parenting both sexes.

Gelareh on

I don’t think anything is wrong with saying which gender you prefer and people wouldn’t make an equally big deal if people say they prefer “girls”. The controversy always appears when people say they like to have boys because of the whole male-dominance and all that.

It’s not like they say they are going to love the kid more or less because of the gender.

Lisa on

There is nothing wrong in declaring what sex you want. Personally, I think it’s only natural that after having two boys (or two girls) you would want the opposite gender for your next child. Both

Charlie and Jamie are father’s to daughters and so naturally they would like a son now. I have three children, girl, boy and boy. For my third child I wanted a girl and always said, firstly a healthy child but secondly I hope it’s a girl. When he was born, I still loved him. I just think it’s during that whole nine months but once that baby is born, you do honestly forget about it. My best friend had two boys and got pregnant a third time, just to have a girl but again, she had her third boy but she loves him. So it doesn’t matter. It only matters when you have no feelings for that child.

Jessica on

My father is the only son and he has two daughers. A couple of years ago I found a letter which my grandmother wrote to my parents after discovering my mother was pregnant with me. In the letter she states she hopes the baby will be a boy, and if not they should try again. I was very hurt by this letter, obviously my grandmother probably did not have any malicious intentions, but somehow these sort of comments make a child feel ‘unwanted’. I’m luckly in the fact that my father has NEVER made any statements declaring he’d wished he had a son, and therefore he’s taught me that irregardless of my gender, I still have the same value in this world as a man. Although these comments might not seem hurtful through the eyes of the parent, just think twice about how they will affect your child in the future.

Boston Mom on

I am not offended if people verbalize their preference, however, couples should be lucky to have children. My husband and I just found out we won’t be able to have children together. We are disappointed, but will have one through adoption or other means. Fertility is a gift!

Vanessa on

I think there is nothing wrong with hoping. I think in general people have a preference and there is no harm in it. I do believe it can be taken too far. My mother-in-law made it very clear that she wanted grandsons. She was very bold that she was praying for boys and as a result she has only grandaughters :) that she has nothing to do with. So if you are open to anything and generally hoping (praying) for a healthy baby then there is no harm

MB on

I don’t think it’s horrible to express a preference. I think people are harder on celebs about it because those desires go in print so theoretically the child could read that some day. I highly doubt my MIL is going to tell our child someday about his/her father “Daddy really wanted a girl.” I also think it’s too bad that people blasted Jamie for saying he’d adopt to get a son. I don’t see how that’s any better/worse than trying until you have one of the other gender.

Anyhow, celeb or not I don’t see an issue with expressing a preference as long as the parent is going to be happy either way. None of them were saying “I hope I have a son and if I don’t I am going to be really disappointed.” THAT would be unfortunate for sure! I think it’s natural for most people to have some preference. I would love a girl at some point but my feeling is that this first baby for me is a boy and I’m pretty excited about that. It’ll be a win/win situation either way when the doctor says “It’s a ___!” because we’ll have the baby we’ve been hoping and prayer for for a long time.

madison on

Personally, I think its fine. People are stating their PREFERENCE, not a DEMAND. To say I’d like to welcome a child, or another child into my family and I would just love it if it was a boy/girl….where is the harm in that? We all know people will love that child to bits regardless….but in reality boys and girls are different. Why can’t a person say who has several of one gender say they would just love to have one of the other – its reality, and its life. The important thing is that all children are loved and cared for equally.

Louise on

i dont see why anyone is making a big deal of it…as i commented on the Jamie oliver story before; its quite possible JO’s comments are taken put of context, he may well have said he’d be happy either way but would prefer a boy. it really annoys me-whether people admit it or not,in their mind they have some kind of preference or desire to have a baby of a certain gender.
i dont see that is a big deal,so long as once the child is born they are not made to feel unwanted as a result.
my sister in law (who is the most feminine person you could ever meet) recently had a baby girl-they chose to find out the sex and were told the hospital were 70% sure it was a girl-then they had a check up where the midwife said she thought she was a boy.to be sure,(only for planning/decorating purposes) they had a further private scan which said she was indeed having a girl after all. during the time they werent sure,both my brother+sis in law were still thrilled to be having a baby at all,yet due to her being so feminine-she was extra excited to be having a little girl. she still would have loved it had it turned out to be a boy,which i think is totally fine.
people need to chill.

for the record,i notice many of the people insulting Jamie Oliver aren’t commenting on this thread?!

Abigail on

I think it’s a person’s natural tendency (when they want children, of course) to want a specific gender, especially if there are multiples of one gender. I always hear people say one of each gender will complete their family – why is this different?

Charlie Sheen has three daughters and now he wants a boy. The Oliver’s have two girls and now want a boy. I don’t understand why this is a big deal. I hear parents all of the time say, “my first child is a [blank] and now i want [opposite of blank].”

On the flip, the Beckham’s have three boys and have made it clear that both of them would like a little girl. E. Hassleback from the View said she really wanted a boy when she was pregnant. i don’t remember either of these situations being made into issues.

It seems as though it has become uncouth to say one wishes to have a son. Is this because for centuries boys were preferred (still are in many countries)? Is it because of fertility issues (spend money to adopt not on drugs)?

I think to judge a person because they would say they would prefer a son after have several daughters (or visa versa), well, that’s just a bit ignorant in my book.

Heather on

I think there is no problem with it. Personally, I was desperate for a girl since I’m such a girly girl myself, and ended up with two boys. I was disapointed only for the fact that I would not have a daughter to share all the things that moms and daughters share. However, in no way does that diminish the incredible relationship I have with my precious boys, ages 7 and 5. If I’d only had girls, I would have missed out on the joys that being a mom to boys provides. We talk about our preferences for everything else in the world, why not for gender? After all, we don’t really have control over it so it’s pretty much all for fun anyway.

Chris on

Of course it’s acceptable. But like anything else, if you say something, be prepared for criticism.

The only way to guarantee no one will quibble with your statement is to keep it yourself.

Shaunie on

I think it’s no big deal, so long as at the end of the day you love the child you get (regardless of their gender).

carie on

I have NO issue with this. I think it’s natural to want diversity…and to be able to experience the different types of experiences that come with having girl vs. boy. Now, if someone made comments that sounded like they were devaluing girl children, that girl children were considered to be less worthy….as you see in many SE Asian countries…THEN I would really take issue.

Melanie on

My husband has three girls with his ex-wife. I’d love for our first to be a boy, just so it would be something new for both of us – my first and his first boy. That’s probably silly, but its how I feel.

Of course, we’ll probably have a girl, and even though I always wanted boys, I’ll be thrilled to have a little girl. Either way, I’ll be thrilled to have a BABY, you know?

Carrie Jo on

I don’t think gender preference is any different than a preference for eye color, hair color, or height. You can hope your child is a child has a green eyes, for example, but if their eyes are brown, it’s not going to make you love them any less. I understand that in some cultures boy babies are MUCH preferred over girl babies, sometimes to the detriment of the girl babies. That is something I strongly disagree with, but that is hardly the case with the celebrities mentioned above.

Debbie on

Of course it’s OK. I’m pregnant with my first child, and I made no secret that I would have liked a boy. I’m now expecting a little girl, and I’m so excited that I am! Because my friends and family knew I was hoping for a boy, when they found out we were having a girl, they made a point to tell me all the exciting things to look forward to with a girl. There is nothing wrong with “hoping” you have a boy or girl. Everyone does, and if you don’t, then you’re not being honest with yourself.

Melanie on

Oh, but I also have a friend who’s mother-in-law flipped out when she had one of her children (I can’t remember if it was when she had her son or her daughter). The MIL said that she couldn’t believe my friend had DONE THAT TO HER – and had a boy/a girl. That my friend KNEW that the MIL only wanted granddaughters/grandsons, and she couldn’t believe my friend had the audacity to have a child with the wrong gender.

Sheesh. Like she has control of it.

Shannon on

I was raised in a family with 5 brothers and me…the only girl. Needless to say I would love to raise a little girl but I went into each of my 3 pregnancies simply wanting a healthy baby. I was blessed with, what else, 3 little boys. Everyone keeps asking us if we are going to try one more time for the girl (like we have a say in the matter). I am at the point where I would only go through one more pregnancy if I knew 100% for sure it would be a girl. Needless to say I am not getting pregnant again because you can’t be sure of the outcome and I would never want to feel disappointed.

kat on

Rachel, I get what you mean. Of course a person might FEEL that they want a boy or a girl… but I find it horrible to actually publically SAY that. When the kid grows up, they’ll hear about it…

Mandy on

I think it’s fine to say that you would like to have a certain gender. Although comments that might hurt someone later on would be wrong. In my family we have a lot of boys (I am one of two girls out of 15 grandchildren) when we have another boy born int he family we don’t just give up on him because its a boy, we can say well it would be nice if this one were a girl but in the end it isn’t up to us. Everyone would be happy with a baby no matter what gender. Saying you hope that this one is girl/boy doesn’t mean anything. It’s just stating what you hope.

Lizzy on

I think it is perfectly fine. My father’s preference for a boy gave me one of the best moments of my life and gave me the absolute biggest feeling of being loved I have ever had. Ironic, but true.

Both of my parents wanted a boy and in those days ultrasounds were not the norm. Intuition (or simply wishful thinking) made my mother sure that she was having a boy. When I was born and they said “It’s a girl!” my parents both looked at each other in disbelief. I found this out when I was around 10 years old and naturally I was hurt. My father and I had always been extremely close, to the point of my delayed speech because I simply didn’t need to talk as a toddler. He just knew what I was thinking and what I needed. When I asked my father why he had wanted a boy and why he had been disappointed he told me the truth. My parents had a daughter and my father was a rough and tumble, get your hand’s dirty, outdoors kind of man. He paused after he told me this and then very nonchalantly said, “But there is a big difference between what you want and what you need”. I will always remember that moment, the feeling of his love for me and his honesty in what he had prefered and how completely wrong he was, both about my gender and about what he needed in his life.

I think these preferences are normal and completely healthy but I also think they come out of our misconception that there are different ways in which a boy should be raised and a girl should be raised. My father realized that it wasn’t a boy that he necessarily wanted. He wanted a healthy child who he could share interests with, teach about the world, and most importantly learn from. He loved my sister more than words but her personality fit more with my mother’s than his, something he wouldn’t change for the world. She taught him things that I never could and allowed him to see the world through her eyes. But he loved that he also had a child who would climb trees, treck through forests on camping trips, and just in general revel in the outdoors. He loved the things I was interested in that he never knew he could also enjoy as well. We created this beautiful relationship of reciprocity that I will always cherish.

People will realize the mysteries of the world and that their preferences, while healthy and normal, are in the end just plain silly. You’ll get what you need as long as you allow yourself to see the beautiful things your child has to offer you no matter what gender they are.

[spelling is not by best subject so excuse the errors]

Rachel on

I feel that it’s what the parents want. Its not a matter of right or wrong. To each their own. I don’t think it makes them sound like bad parents to say that either. I think people would at least like one of each. I know I would.

Meg on

I don’t think it’s a problem at all– people want what they want. Often people grow up thinking they’ll have this many boys and that many girls (I know I did!) The only problem with the statement I had about Jamie and Jools is that they said they’d only adopt if they don’t get a boy… in my opinion, they should adopt because they want another child, not just because they want a boy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a certain gender, but adoption shouldn’t be a “last resort” when it comes to having a child. I don’t know… something about that situation doesn’t sit right with me.

Anne on

I guess it all depends on how deeply the desire really goes. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and baby due in March who’s gender is yet unknown. I will admit I was…”relieved”, for lack of a better word, when I was told I was having a girl. I have only sisters, only nieces, and all female cousins. At that point I was “used to” girls and wanted one of my own. Now, is that to say I would have been upset or disappointed had it been a boy? Absolutely not. For our second child, I really have no preference of the gender. My fiancee would like a boy, but he has stated on several occasions he adores his daugther and would adore another, as well. I don’t think wishing for one or the other is wrong, as long as you aren’t truly upset if you don’t get what you want.

I also don’t see anything wrong with parents of three daughters or three sons having a strong desire for the other…parenting daughters and sons are each unique experiences and I can understand, as a parent, wanting to experience both. Of course, this is all taking for granted they are accepting of whatever it is they do get!

brooke on

I agree with majority here and I think everybody made some valid points. It’s human nature if you have 2 sons or say 3 girls like brroke burke to want the opposite sex but do you love your kids any less defintley not. I also agree with one of the posters that said everyone has their ideal outlook like some would love 2 boys and a girl, while others perfect family idea is 1 girl and 1 boy, but in a world where some people can’t have kids sometimes, in the long run we all are happy with whatever is given to us and grateful to have happy healthy children and be able to experience pregnancy and motherhood. I have never heard anyone be devasted over having say 3 boys, we love all our children and making a comment like oh too bad I never had a daughter, doesn’t mean you don’t appreaciate the kids you were able to have

Heather on

it is interesting that in my brief look over the comments, the people who are most critical of others stating gender preference, are the ones that don’t have kids yet ( though many who are childless also think it is fine, and have their own hopes).
Hoping for something isn’t something a person can help; there may be all sorts of reasons that a person hopes for a child of a certain gender, and none of the rest of us have any right to assume that it is sexist in any way.

melanie on

Actually I have never met a single woman who did not state a preference when pregnant. :) We seem to have 3 or 4 pregnant teachers each year at my school and they ALWAYS have a preference. Sometimes people say “as long as it’s healthy but… I’d like a boy (or girl)”. Even though I had children of both sexes, I still had a preference with my last pregnancy. I think it’s healthy because it helps you identify with the baby because you are picturing it as a human and not some floating mystery.

SH on

Wanting a boy or a girl is one of the FUN things of getting pregnant and having a baby! Most couples who get that positive pregnancy test will probably be wondering within moments weather it will be a boy or a girl and also have secret hopes for one or the other. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you want boy vs. girl as long as everyone realizes three things (and most people who are pregnant do already realize these things anyway or soon will)…1. You have no control over the gender. 2. You get what you’re supposed to have! 3. A healthy pregnancy and baby are what’s most important.

h williams on

its ok to say/hope/wish/want or even feel like you need to have a boy/girl, it is our right to say what we would like, if it comes true great if not we all understand we would love our babies any way so where is the harm? my dad wanted a son sooo bad and when they went for a scan and they were told i was in fact a girl he was dissapointed untill i waved at him, he said it was magic and all the dissapointment vanished he loved meso much when my mum got pregnant again he expressed hois wish for another daughter, then found out his ‘daughter’ was infact mu brother and a whole new level of excitment hit him.
the same happend with my children, my first i didn’t care i truly didn’t ten fingers ten toes was all i hoped for but when my son was born my love for him shocked me by the sheer power of the feeling. when i became pregnant again, deep deep down, i longed for a girl, i wanted to have that mother daughter, but i knew if it was another son that i would still have the same love and joy i felt for my first son, my baby is a girl, i am thrilled, its my right to want either but it is their right to be loved and cherished no matter what their sex. yes you should be greatful as some woman can’t have any children but why should you keep youe feeling to yourself? its lovley to dream, hope and find out.
at the end of the day we love our kids, even if we want just one more so we can get our daughter/son. :-)

Kelly on

I don’t think there is any problem simply stating a preference or hope for a particular sex.

Its no secret within my own family that my dad would have liked a boy after having 3 girls, just to carry on the family name. My mum gave birth to a 4th girl, my beautiful little sister, and we’re all healthy and happy and I know we’re all loved and cherished as we are.

I really love what Lizzy says above about wanting a child to share interests with etc, that story is wonderful.

Kelly on

Personally I would say no.

I could never imagine wishing for a boy or a girl. People need to just be happy they can get pregnant and have a healthy child, unlike so many women.

People have this idea like it’s just somthing you do, you have a baby, it’s healthy, you live your happy healthy life. But it’s not at all like that for millions all around the world. There are so many women who can not get pregnant, or do and have a miscarriage, a premature birth, still birth, etc. It’s just so hurtful for a person experiencing any of those, to hear someone saying, “yup we got pregnant again, I really really hope its a boy this time!” Or a girl whatever they want.

Not to mention, what if they get what they did not want? Are they going to treat that child bad just because of there gender?

It’s just sad.

Michelle on

It’s no secret in my family that my father desperately wanted a boy. It’s also no secret that he fell in love with me the first time he held me.

I suffer no ill effects from knowing my dad spent 9 months hoping I was a boy. Instead I love to point out that I had him wrapped around my finger from day 1.

jacqui on

I’m on the fence with this one. When I daughter was just born I overheard by father-in-law say to someone “it would’ve been nice to have a grandson, but … .” I guess its alright to – for the parents only, of course – to state a preference before hand but once the baby is born – regardless of how things turned out gender-wise – such a thing as preference should never be mentioned again.

Rachel-Jane on

I don’t have children, and don’t plan on having any for a while, but sure I’d like at least 1 of each gender, but I’ll be blessed with whatever I get!

My parents have 3 girls and a boy (of which I’m the oldest). We were all delivery surprises, and are all loved. They weren’t *trying* for a boy (in fact my mum used to hate people asking if she was), they were just trying for another baby! When my brother popped out my mum was actually in shock, not because she wanted another girl but because she’d expected one – after 3 she just assumed she ‘didn’t make boys’.

I don’t think having a preference for one gender over another is necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t think it’s right to keep trying til you get the gender you want. You should just keep having kids if you want to have more children. Otherwise, well you could end up with 6 girls that you wouldn’t have otherwise had and still keep going for that elusive son!

Bugs on

I don’t get it. Wasn’t it here that i read about a celebrity couple (don’t remember who) who got a treatment to have a boy or a girl?

I asked about it, and i got replies telling me that you can actually go through those treatments to have a baby with the gender YOU want.

This may be slightly OT but why the debate of what you wish to have, if you can actually get it now? or for years as i was informed?

Lilybett on

People want what they want. Why should they have to lie about it to appease the masses?

I think it’s natural for a lot of parents to want a child of the opposite sex to what they already have – to experience both. I don’t think it’s an archaic male bloodline thing at all that these guys want sons. And it doesn’t mean that they love their daughters any less or would not let them inherit their property because they now have a male heir.

Renee on

Some people make it seem like those parents who do say a preference are selfish,hate their children, etc. I don’t agree with that. I personally would rather have all boys which is unusual as a woman but I have always pictures myself with boys not girls as a mother. But if I end up with all daughters, I will be just as happy.

dani on

i think its fine to state what you would like. i have 2 boys and i will be tryin all the wives tails to try to convieve a girl…i think theres no harm it it because when it comes down to it if i have another boy im going to love him just as much as my other 2

A on

I think its perfectly acceptable and realistic to be honest about gender preference. Its hard to understand the desire for an opposite sex child unless you have all the same gender children. I have 2 boys I adore more than life itself and I would not trade them for the world BUT Ive always wanted a daughter. Im currently expecting #3 and hoping its a girl, if its a boy I will be a bit let down but perfectly happy with my lot. So good on them for being honest, nice to see celebs are normal like the rest of us!

A on

Oh and Susan, I am one of those people with fertility issues and I am forever grateful I have my children after the loooong hard road we travelled to get them, but I can assure you that people with fertility issues, deep down could still have a preference. Most honestly dont care what they get in the end but everyone has a preference deep down. Some just wont ever admit it.

TM on

what ever happened to being happy with a healthy perfect baby?

perhaps charlie and jamie have become super spoiled by the healthy wonderful kids they have and should imagine hoping and praying for just a baby…not caring girl or boy!

Do I sound bitter…nah…just went through 7 years of hell and I am beyond happy with the two children I have…as for the next…whatever I am given I will love for the little life that it is…not for it’s gender!

abc321 on

i have three girls and my husband wanted to try one more time for a boy we were shocked to find out they were triplets all girls my husband said the other day that he was relieved because he wouldnt have the slightest clue of what to do with a boy because all he knows is dress up tea parties and father daughter dances and that he wouldnt change it for anything

Monika on

There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s human nature. When I was told that I’m having a girl at 20 weeks, I was disappointed, because I really wanted a boy. And now that my daughter is almost 10 months old, I can’t imagine having a boy.

Elisabeth on

After ttc for 4 years and having a failed adoption of 2 little girls (after 9 long months of preparing for them) I would never state that I prefer one gender over the other. I don’t look down on people who do however.

Rye on

I personally only dislike it when it’s a guy saying, “I want a son to pass on my family name” or “I want a son cause I’ll only have stuff in common with a boy” or ignorant things like that.

First off, I am a male. I can’t judge having a preference for a babies gender since I myself would really love to have a baby girl someday. MAINLY because I used to babysit all the time and every little boy I ever watched was just a demon from the bowells of hell. lol. That said, I would be totally happy with a boy and I know I would love it just the same!

I get irritated when it is turned into a more sexist, old fashioned scenario where a guy just NEEDS a son to pass on a name, or to live out some football playing/buddy-buddy scenario that they think they can’t have with a daughter. I think that is just wrong. Girls are not second-class citizens and culturally we need to recognize this more.

Why, for instance, are boys named after there fathers??? People will comment back and state that, “I had no problem that my husband wanted our son named after him-it’s not sexist” It’s USUALLY very sexist. Do you see that same mother with John Jr. walking around with her little girl Jenny Jr? Not usually. A woman carried a child for about 10 months, in HER body, endures discomfort for almost a year of her life and goes through excruciating pain to bring a child into the world and she names it after HIM??? If I were a woman I would be naming that bouncing baby boy Linda Jr. LOL.

Anyways, I personally find more first time parents in my area longing for boys-I am not sure if it’s a location thing or what-but every time I ask someone what they are having or what they want, they usually say, “ohhhhhhh we want our first to be a boy!” or “We hope it’s a boy and then maybe we’ll try for a girl later on” and i’m not sure why that is.

I stumbled across my mom’s journal from her teen-years and laughed when I read a part that mentioned she would love “to only have two boys” because that is exactly what she got. And Also found it slightly irritating that she got her tubes tied RIGHT AFTER my little brother was born because she “had her prayers of just having 2 boys” granted. Now, at the agee of 54, my mom regrets not ever trying again for a little girl. She said she just grew up never liking other girls and wouldn’t have wanted “catty-ness” or “mother/daughter turmoil”…which makes me mad. Not all mothers and daughters hate eachother or fight. Puberty is bad for both boys and girls and honestly, It’s gonna be rough either way.

Lauren on

Jessica, your comment really moved me. I get it – I’m the second daughter of a two kid family. The other day I was at my parent’s house and asked, which I never had in all my life, “Dad, did you want a boy?” And he didn’t hesitate a second. He told me he loved me – and for a guy born in an era where maybe they weren’t so comfortable spilling out the actual words, well…I just knew it was heartfelt. Whether or not my dad ever secretly longed for a boy, I don’t know or care. He made our childhood a total adventure – swimming, climbing, hiking, fishing, camping, skiing, the works. So the moral of the story is love your kids and accept them as the joy they (usually!) are. With all the trouble in the world, there are a lot more important things to wish for.

MB on

Jen, I can understand what you’re saying about the childless couples. I don’t have fertility problems, but for a long time it seemed like my husband and I would not be able to have biological children because of some of my health issues. I remember when we moved here, inviting a couple over. This couple was pregnant and had just found out the gender of their baby. Both expressed DISAPPOINTMENT at that; they’d wanted the other sex. I was stunned and later cried on the phone to my mother that evening b/c I couldn’t understand how someone could be UPSET over something as trivial as the gender over their baby, when my husband and I would do anything to have even an UNHEALTHY child.

That said, I think that situation is diff. from merely expressing a preference (and I should note that once that baby was born, his parents adored him and he has them wrapped around his finger; the disappointment was just momentary). Now that I am pregnant (this will be our only biological child) we are THRILLED and I don’t feel quite right vocalizing to family and friends who ask a gender preference, but being honest there is a part of me that would love a little daughter and I don’t think that’s wrong or that it makes me ungrateful. And, I don’t feel offended when people around me express opinions as to the gender they’d like in their children. I just find it disconcerting when parents vocalize being upset after finding out the gender.

Amy on

I think people are making a big deal of this. I don’t think they are saying they wish they didn’t have daughters. Just that they wish they had one of each. When you have 2 or 3 of one sex you wonder what it would be like to raise the other.

Chiara on

Labor and delivery are nature’s great equalizer. Once that baby comes out, the parents can never imagine it as anything but what it is, and I think that’s a given even at the point where couples state a preference.

I think it’s totally natural and perfectly acceptable to state a preference. Science hasn’t gotten us to the point yet where you can choose the sex at conception, so any couple who has gotten pregnant knows and accepts that in the end it could be either.

JM on

I think it’s acceptable. Everyone knows deep down they’ll love whatever they have. There is no shame in saying you prefer one over the other. I would like a girl since my mom has 3 grandson’s already and I think it would be more fun to dress up a girl then a boy HOWEVER I would be happily content with a boy as well (not to mention I will save more money when shopping)!! Just to be blessed with a child is good enough for me. But I don’t really care one way or the other.

larkling on

My family runs to girls, my grandparents had four girls and adopted a boy, and all four of them had girls until my youngest aunt had two boys as well.

My mom and her sisters never really felt deminished because my grandparents wanted a boy too, but both my grandmother and the four of them are sensitive to people making comments implying they only wanted about they just wanted to experience both and we eight granddaughters laugh about the trend and are half proud of it but we all adore having the two boy cousins, its special even thought that doesn’t really mean they’re more important than us, we just love finally having more boys.

My parents alway say they’d love boys if they’d had them but they always secretly wanted all girls, and I have to admit they’re natural with little girls, even other people’s, in a way they’d have to learn with boys. I personally never really consider one better than the other but I long to do the boy things more than the girl stuff, I’d like to have a girl someday but it’s not the the same as the way I can completely picture myself a boy’s mom. Some people are just natural parents one way or the other and it’s a great advantage and joy to both parent and child when they have that sex but I believe it’s an equally valuable experience that grows both when it doesn’t come as naturally, it can develop parent and child in good directions that neither expected.

mp on

I’ve heard a few men say, after their child was born, how disappointed they were to have a daughter. Never heard them take it back and have seen them uninterested in girls rather than boys.

J.J. on

I agree with Amy. A lot of people here have a preference and it’s normal like anything else, even though there can be a little disappointment, which is natural since it’ll disappear after the baby arrives. As long as you don’t harass the other gender, it’s totally fine. I personally like 4 kids, 2 of each, but I also will be happy with whatever I have.

Rebecca on

As someone who has had their gender preference televised on national TV (A Baby Story), I am obviously ok with people stating their desire for a boy or girl. Now the big controversy that is interesting to me is: Is it ok for a couple to obtain a certain gender via high tech fertility methods? I find that most people are not morally ok with this yet, since it is “like playing God.”

Alice on

Most of the “it’s not okay to hope for a girl (or boy)” comments say that because some couples have trouble having kids. So because some people can’t have kids, the others can’t have a gender preference? It reminds me of adults telling kids they have to eat everything in their plate because some people don’t have food at all. There’s no link. Some people can’t and that’s very sad but it shouldn’t make the ones who can feel guilty about hoping for one gender, because it’s not something you can control.

thequotegal on

I’ve recently had a book published about this subject, a woman who is desperate for a daughter after having several sons (that she loves and adores, by the way) It’s called “Lullabies & Alibis” and after it first came out, I heard from many people on the subject matter of “Gender Desire” who thanked me for writing it, stating that it made them feel not so alone and guilty. When you think about it, people have hopes and dreams for just about everything in this world. Do they just buy ANY house (just be grateful to have some shelter!) marry just any person (you’re lucky they are a human!) No, of course not, why shouldn’t they have a preference for something they’ll be deeply invested in and emotionally involved with forever? As long as they accept reality (My character could not) and develop that parent/child bond (My character finally does!) then I see no harm in having a preference. Anyhow, it’s very interesting to see how judgmental people can become with this particular topic.

pam woodhouse on

Frankly I cannot understand why the likes of Jamie Oliver, Brooke Burke and Charlie Sheen have come under fire. All they have said is they have “a preference” – and even then, it isn’t as if they’ve had much control over what they get in the delivery room!

To state a preference for a son does NOT mean a daughter would grow up feeling unwanted either. When I was pregant all I wanted was a healthy child. Doesn’t mean I’d have loved it less had it been sick or handicapped.

Laura on

I think it is perfectly fine to have a preference. I would love 4 children in the future and would prefer 3 girls and one boy (any order would be fine). Am I going to love my kids any less if I don’t get a daughter? Definitely not! I will love them because they are my children. Having a preference is not a big deal at all as long as once you have a baby you love it no matter what!

Char on

When I was asked with my first child, I said “I’m going to be a single mother – I don’t know a thing about boys, so I’m hoping for a girl.” Honestly, I was so young then that when people asked me what I wanted, a boy or girl, I thought they honestly wanted to know. Now that I’m older, I realize it’s sort of a pathetic litmus test people give you. When I was pregnant the second time, and had figured this out, I didn’t let it change my answer – if you’re asking me a question, I feel you should really want to know the answer, so I’m going to tell you. I tried to temper it someone, so that people weren’t “offended,” (because, honestly, they do act that way) and would say “It would be nice to have a boy, for something different, to see what it’s like, but with a girl I know what I’m doing, AND you get to buy the cute girly clothes.” Then when I had a girl, I didn’t have those people that just can’t wait to say “Disappointed you didn’t get a boy ?” It’s just a bit sad that people can’t just be happy for you, and have that be the end of the matter.

terri on

I don’t think I could that myself. If I ever do get pregnant I’m sure I’ll have a preference, but I wouldn’t announce it. I’d just say that I want a healthy baby.

Corrie on

I’ve always said that I wanted a girl, but I’d be perfectly happy with either. As long as you know that you’re not guaranteed to get your preference, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

Carol S on

I think it’s normal to want a certain gender. And I think it’s fine to express it. Just because you SAY you want or are hoping for a certain gender, does NOT mean that you wouldn’t love one of a different gender. Sure, there are some folks out there who will ONLY be happy if it’s one gender or the other. I was one of 5 girls…we always teased my dad about being out numbered. We didn’t feel like he loved us any less when he said he kept hoping for a boy. Just like it’s no secret to our 2 boys, who we love very much, that we were hoping one of them would be a girl, since all the grandkids on my husband’s side were all girls. It’s all how a parent handles it within their family.

thekate on

As long as you adore the child when it’s born I think it’s fine to express what you want. Once a baby is in front of you it’s a whole different experience!

Mirabai on

In the developed world, an expression of preference by a parent is generally just that – a preference. There is no suggestion that parents who hope for a girl and have a boy will love their son less.

I live in a developing country where the murder of girl babies is an unfortunately frequent horror (weekly, I would estimate). In fact, doctors are prohibited by law from telling you the gender of your child during an ultrasound because of the high rates of late-term abortions based on gender.

My point is that this debate needs some context. I think it is wonderful that high profile couples have the freedom to express their preference when there are women who know that the birth of a daughter will mean certain death.

Rye on

I think the debate over high-tec gender selection is REALLY controversial. It’s insane how one second I can feel intrigued and interested in it and then another second feel repulsed and shocked by it.

The people who disagree with gender selection usually throw the “God’s will” factor into the scenario-but the way i see it, God’s will would never have ALLOWED sperm sorting to have been invented if it was against his will. It’s scientific and it’s effective but is it morally RIGHT? I can’t answer it! It’s super hard to figure out! There are people who use sperm sorting as a means to make sure they are not having a child with a certain genetic problem that is passed down hereditarily to one specific gender…and in that case, I feel like it’s a good idea.
The interesting thing about gender selection is that it is biased towards girl babies in it’s success rate. The success rate for selecting a female baby is in the 90 percentile whereas for boys it’s 70 percent. Which is interesting to me.

Anyways, sometimes I think it’s OK and other times I think it’s just strange.

Christine on

It is a deeply encoded part of our neurosis that wants to procreate self… women want girls and men want boys. Simple. And say a couple has three of gender Z, it is built into our brains to wait to balance this by having a child of the opposite gender. Its not being selfish or odd, its just biology, and its completely normal.

babyboopie on

When I was pregnant with my son, I was convinced that he was a girl because I have always wanted a little girl all my life- I never really imagined myself as a mother to a son and so when my son was born, it came as a HUGE surprise to see that he was a boy! But what surprised me the most was how happy I was that he was a boy, because he’s mine and he’s so beautiful and I love him unconditionally. I’ve now realised that whatever gender I have, it doesn’t matter as long as you have a healthy and a beautiful child and you are embarking on this amazing, beautiful journey of motherhood. I know my son would love a sister but to be honest,if I had another child-I want a boy! Because I’ve had such an amazing time with Pierre, and he has just made me so so happy. Having said that, if I was to have a girl, I’d be just as happy.
I know that it is a natural desire to want a boy or a girl, but what counts is the little person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. That, I believe, is the greatest gift life can give you. The joy of the child’s laughter.

kylie smyth on

i always wanted a girl when i had my 1st i didnt care really but would of liked a girl after boy no2 and boy no3 i was so desperate lucky enough to get my girl i cried after boy no2 an d boy no3 and cried after they tole me i was having girl because i was so happy

Ash on

I’d always ALWAYS wanted a son and was absolutley wrecked with nerves at the 20 week scan incase I would find out it was a girl and be disappointed beyond all repair. I had no logical reason or rhyme to wanting a boy – I just ALWAYS did. I also knew I was only likely to have one child, so that made it a lot more intense. However, I didn’t tell anybody of the strength of my yearning for a boy – I kept it totally private. If anybody asked I just said it didn’t matter to me. I was lying through my teeth, but I did not want to be judged or to have people know that I would be disappointed during the whole childs life! (Which I am pretty sure I’d have gotten over in an instant if a little girl had arrived).

PS: It was a boy :) I got my lifelong wish.

emma on

No, there’s definitely nothing wrong with saying that would like a boy or a girl. The vast majority of people who wanted a boy would also love a baby girl, if that’s what they had and vice versa. I don’t see why some people are so upset about people saying what they would prefer – after all I’m sure that a whole lot more people are SECRETLY hoping for either a boy or a girl, and that is natural. Is it the speaking your preference in public that makes it wrong?

Robin on

Parents love their kids not matter if it’s a boy or a girl but there’s nothing wrong with wishing for one in particular, especially if you’ve got one or more of the same sex.

I have a cousin with five boys. Number four was born on the same day (same hospital) as her sister’s kid, who had a girl. She kept picking up her niece at the hospital.

There’s an eleven year age gap between boys #4 & #5 and both times everyone in our family hoped she would have that girl she so desperately wanted.

She’ll tell you she loves her five sons, but everytime she wanted just one girl. So if a celeb says they have a preference, I say why not?

Even when Jamie Oliver says he’ll adopt, I think, great!

DLR on

I do know if I found myself wanting to have a child I would do what I could to ensure it was a boy (i.e., special foods, sperm washing, ensuring alkaline vaginal/cervical secretions, etc.). It is simply my preference and I won’t defend my wishes. If Jamie and Charlie stated their hopes for a boy, their preferences should be respected, especially noting they already have daughters.

Bancie1031 on

I don’t see anything wrong with saying “oh I want a little girl/boy” ….. it’s not like their not going to love their baby either way just because they didn’t get the gender that they wanted/hoping for ….

dawn on

My brother in law was taping the birth of his first child. When a son was born you hear his wife say “I wanted a girl, take him away”. They ended up with two more boys in their quest for a daughter. He had to quit his job to take care of them because she refused to. My husband and I never found out the sex of our babies until they were born since after years of miscarriages it really did not matter.

teenyz on

I was the only girl in the family – with three brothers. 2 older, 1 younger. 2 older went on to give me nephews. All my life I’d walk by store racks and try not to look at all the intangible pretty, frilly girl stuff. My first child was a boy. Love him to pieces. But when I was expecting second baby, I whole heartedly hoped for a girl. Didn’t really believe it would happen. Figured I was never supposed to know what a sister, a niece, or a daughter was like. I was SHOCKED when the sonogram revealed a girl. Really couldn’t believe it. Kept waiting for them to tell me they were just teasing.

So no, I’m not about to apologize for wanting that experience. I love my brothers, my nephews, my son… and wouldn’t trade them. But it is okay in life, to want a little something for yourself.

SH on

Lizzy, Thank you for your story.

Corinne on

I think it’s okay to declare your gender preference but it depends how. To me there’s a difference between saying I’d like a boy/girl and I desperately want a boy/girl. If you have a child the opposite gender than the one you wished for, how is he/she going to feel if she/he ever finds out you would’ve prefered a boy/girl. My husband would like to have a daughter but he is totally content with our 5 month-old son. I personally work as an intern in pediatric onc and I see too many extremely sick children to be wishing for anything else but a healthy child.

blackrose on

i dont think there is anything wrong with having a preference i want all girls but iam sure i would love my sons if i had boys. but some parents strongly prefer one gender, my cousin’s father in law was vomiting in the hospital when he found out it was a girl!well that i think is just too much

blue_butterfly on

I think fundamentally ask any expectant parent and they will want first and foremost a healthy baby, but IMO there’s nothing wrong with wanting specifically a boy or a girl. I don’t have any kids yet, but ideally would like one of each when I do. There’s nothing wrong with wanting one of each, just so happens that nature chooses for us.

No-one kicked off about it when Victoria Beckham (who has three sons) expressed a desire for a daughter one day, so why are Jamie Oliver & Charlie Sheen getting negative press about it?

It’s not like we are in a society that is gender-biased, although you do hear in some countries that parents prefer sons to carry on the family estate, but I doubt that’s the case with these families, it’s just an express wish for a son but I’m sure if either had a daughter they would be thrilled at just a healthy new arrival.

chelsa on

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a preference — you can’t help how you feel. I think it’s a bit unfortunate to tell people your preference before finding out the gender, though, especially for celebrities. How much would it suck to be the baby girl of people who told the entire world that they were hoping for a boy before you were born? I think it’s safer to wait until after the baby is born.

Hannah on

i am constantly saying i want and hope my 1st born to be a boy. I personally just cant envision myself with a daughter. I’m far too tomboyish. But that isnt to say should i have a daughter i wouldnt love her. In my head i just see a boy when i think of my 1st baby.

Amber on

I think it’s only natural to want at least one of each. For those who want multiple children, I think it’s just human nature to want one of each. I have a daughter and really hoping that the next time we have a baby, we’ll have a boy. And we’ll try again for a boy if our second turns out to be a girl!

JJ on

I think it’s fine to express a preference, as long as you also say that you’ll be happy with either. We had a girl first, and I said that while I’d be thrilled either way, I was kind of hoping for a boy so we would have one of each. On the other hand, I also said I was kind of hoping for a girl because we have a great girl name picked out that I really want to use. I ended up having a boy (hooray! either way).

I think it gets trickier if you’re famous because you don’t know what will be printed and repeated and what won’t be. I would be very cautious about what I said in an interview, and would probably keep it simple and just say “I’ll be thrilled either way!” or something non-committal like that. The whole world doesn’t need to know all that personal information.

HP on

I think you should be thankful for what you are given. Every child is such a special gift. Be thankful that your child is healthy, why don’t I ever hear someone say, “we just want our child to be happy and healthy”. Think about if your parents were sad about the sex you turned out to be, how would that make you feel?

rmc on

i am fortunate to have a girl and a boy. i remember when i was pregnant and people would ask ‘what do you hope the baby is?’and to be honest (and cliche) i just wanted a healthy baby first and foremost. i love my children equally no matter what sex they are.

mom23boyz on

I have 3 boys (8, 4 and 3) and secretly wanted a girl all 3 times! With the first, I was like, ok – no biggie. Whatever. The second pregnancy, we actually miscarried a girl at 15 weeks – that stank. The next time, I really wanted a girl (again), and admittedly was a bit bummed. The last pregnancy, I just KNEW it was a girl (my mom, who already had 3 grandsons – including my nephew – REALLY was hoping for a girl), I found out he was a boy at 13 weeks and at that point, just laughed. I was just meant to be a mom to boys, and I love them no less; they could not be more loved/adored by the entire family. I see noting wrong with hoping for a particular gender and even verbalizing it. Because you love you what you get no matter what and I can’t imagine life (although it’s crazy, hectic and FUN!) without my 3 amigos!!! (although I DO sometimes wistfully look at the frilly Easter/Christmas dresses and the Barbie’s sometimes! ha-ha.) My hubby declared, “YES!” when we found out our last was a boy. But he did let me name him the name I’d picked out for the first 2, that he had vetoed each time prior. When I told him the 3rd was a boy, he said, “honey, you can name him anything you want!” Again, I see nothing wrong with verbally expressing a “wish”; anyone who equates that with loving the opposite of what you “hope for” any less is sadly mistaken. Heck, even my 2 older boys were hoping for a “sissy” with #3 as well! :)

Jane on

I think most men and women secretly have adesire for either a boy or girl but most of us love to bits whatever we get. I can understand why men with all daughters may like a son. Iactually think that their wives would think this as well. My greatest problem with stating preferences is when men (or women) believe that they are less than men if they do not sire sons and make their wives feel failures because of this. Just remember, it is male spermatoza who actually determines the gender of the child!

What gripes me more than ANY of this?? The trend for celebrities to find out as soon as they can the gender of their child, name them and have everything set in order before the baby actually arrives. Truthfully, the birth of a baby and not knowing it’s gender beforehand is the one true surprise that any of us adults really has left in our lives.Enjoy the fact that a baby is coming, hope that it is healthy and not give a damn about what gender it is.

Alice on

HP, my father did want a boy, and when my brother was born 8 years later he really behaved like “yay! a boy, at last”. And so what? He did have fun in the princesses rides in Disneyland and watched the Swan Princess over and over :) It doesn’t matter to me that he always wanted a boy even after I was born… I’m girly and I like it. And I’m not afraid to tell that in the future I want girls!!

Emaline on

I always thought I’d jinx myself if I said outloud what I wanted. We have a daughter so with this second pregnancy everyone asked if we were hoping for a boy but I wouldn’t say a word. Lucky for us we found out that it is indeed a boy!

Kate on

I’m the oldest girl from a three daughter family. Even though my father has never, to even the slighest degree, hinted that he would have preferred a boy, I have found myself wondering if our gender was a disappointment. It’s not something that bothers me on a regular basis, but when I take notice of other people opening stating preferences, I begin to wonder about my own place in my family.

People have preferences. We’re human. But I do agree with others who have noted that there is a difference between saying ‘I’d like a boy/girl’ this time and becoming desperate for a particular gender.

My mother was the oldest daughter of a two girl family. Whereas my mother went on to have three girls, my aunt had two boys, and it is very obvious that in our extended family they are viewed as more important then me and my sisters. While the preference is often covert, my cousins somehow seem to have filled the void that my mother and aunt never could.

But where does that leave me and my sisters? Yes, we are loved. We would never doubt that, but it was very sad for us as little girls to realize how much our gender impacted our role in within the family.

My grandfather was excited to do boy things with my male cousins. Fish, hunt, sports. But funnily enough my younger sister is the only one in our family who continues to engage in outdoor sports actively (she was a way better fisherman then the rest of us ever were). I played competetive soccer and rugby, whereas my cousins preferred video games.

In the end, he ended up finding in us (my sisters and I), they very things he had hoped to get from a son/grandson.

How do ideas about femininity and masculinity get constructed? From the beginning of life, we are lead to believe that by being a boy or girl we will have to follow certain unwritten rules of what is expected of us based on our sex.

When people hope for a particular sex, they are, at least to some small degree, hoping for particular gendered characteristics, behaviour and/or personalities from their child.

My husband comes from a family of 6 kids, 5 boys and 1 girl. His mother was desperate for a girl, and it’s a well-known fact that if any of the kids had been a girl she would have simply stopped having kids.

His mom really wanted a true little girl of her own to have a special bond with, but as that little girl grew up, she did conform to what she should be. Of course she had the male influences, but to this day her mother and her don’t have the best relationship and she openly complains about the expectations her other had for her.

grace on

I don’t really see anything wrong with it. It just seems sad to me when people are almost upset when they don’t get what they want though. a friend of mine wouldn’t talk to anybody for 3 weeks after she found out she was having her 3rd boy. i think it’ natural to want to experiece each gender, but it’s weird to me when people just keep having kids to get that. i don’t know, i have the girl i always wanted so i don’t understand that mentality:)

Tanya on

I personally wants a babyboy if I ever have a child in the future. When I dream about my future child its always my little boy at 3 or 4 years old. So I guess I would be a little dissapointed at first if I found out I was having a babygirl. But offcourse after getting used to the thought of a girl I`m sure I would have loved her just as much as a boy. Afterall it would be my own child.

Lauren on

I think it is natural for someone to lean twards one gender or another, but it make meeting your baby any less grand if he or she isn’t want you had your fingers crossed for. I’m a mom of 2 boys and currently trying for number 3. I’ve always been around baby boys (never even baby sitted for a girl) and am terrified of having a daughter cause I wouldn’t know what to do with her! But, if the stork gives us an XX instead of another XY, I am going to be just as happy. Any child is a blessing to a family.

sally on

People want what they want, and no-one has the right to say they’re wrong, unless that want manifests itself into something that affects the child negatively. I have 2 boys and wanted a girl each time, but nothing in the world could persuade me to swap either of them for a girl even if I could.

The intensity of gender preference has changed in recent times. In the past people had many more children so most had both genders, so it just wasn’t an issue. They also had a lot bigger things to worry about like high infant mortality rates.

I don’t begrudge people their preferences. I’ve been there myself and it says nothing about the ability to be a good parent.

I want one more child and if it’s another boy, I’ll love him as much as the first two. Part of me would be sad for the idea I would have to lay to rest of the daughter I’d never have – a healthy 3rd child is the aim.

It’s also really confronting when people assume you’re disappointed if you have 2 boys. Yes a part of me wants a girl, but when people voice it as an assumption, it’s insulting to my sons, as though somehow they’re lesser, when they aren’t. “Oh you have to try for a girl.” isn’t helpful to anyone, no matter how innocently intended. I’d be silly to go into a third pregnancy assuming for a girl. I had to look deeply inside myself to ask if that’s why I wanted a third and the answer was no, that I would be happy with a 3rd boy. And so you have it.

Kelly on

Either way is fine with me, as long as you’re not saying what one co-worked used to say, “I ONLY want a girl; I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s a boy…I can’t stand the idea.” Now THAT, to me, is unacceptable!

That said, I have one of each and am just happy that they’re both healthy. HOWEVER, I’m very bugged that, when I tell people about wanting another (in the course of conversation), they ask “why? you have one of each!” That perturbs me! I wasn’t setting a goal, I wasn’t wanting to “try” each gender out! I just wanted healthy babies! I don’t care if they’re monkeys or have blue hair…I just want HEALTHY !

Kelly on

And for those comments of “everyone wishes for one gender or another…and if they say they don’t, they’re not being honest with themselves”????

Thanks for the idea, but you don’t know me! You have no idea what is in my heart. I have NEVER cared if I had a boy or a girl. I just have always wanted children…I waited MANY years (12 years, and two marriages..and many years before the FIRST marriage), just to have children!

I did NOT care what gender they turned out to be any more than a friend of mine who delivered a still-born child at 5 1/2 months gestation. Do you really think that SHE cared if her next child was a boy or a girl? After burying a child, I pretty darn sure (and was told exactly as much by her personally) that she didn’t give a darn WHAT she had!

Lily on

Personally, I think it depends on your attitude towards the gender of the child when you do find out what you’re having. Those who express lots of dissapointment over the gender are when it is bad. I really don’t understand being “desperate” for a boy. You would love your child no matter what. I just wonder why men usually seem to express a strong desire for a son “to play football with” and “to carry on the family name” So, if they did have the coveted son, if he didn’t grow up to be an athlete, would they be dissapointed? I, personally, wouldn’t care what gender I got. The boys I grew up with, along with many my age, are pompous, sexist womanizers. I would want to raise a son to be appreciative of the people in his life, girl or boy.

Lily on

Sorry, I clicked submit before I finished.

So, as I was saying, I would not mind a girl either. Either way I’d be delighted to have a wonderful, healthy baby.

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