Meg Ryan Calls Adoption a Metaphysical Labor

Bauer Griffin

In a new interview with the Los Angeles Times, Meg Ryan opens up about the day she came to know Daisy True, 3 ½, whom she adopted from China in early 2006. Already mom to Jack Henry, 16, Meg says that adoption is something she "always thought" she would do. "It’s such a deliberate act, this adoption, as opposed to getting pregnant sometimes," the 46-year-old actress says. "You have to be very, very awake." While Meg waited for over an hour in a restaurant in Shanghai, Daisy was one floor below, growing increasingly upset. When officials finally introduced mother and daughter, Daisy "had tons and tons of clothes on her, Teletubby long underwear, another layer, then this electric blue sweater," Meg recalls. "She was red-faced, screaming and crying." When placed in Meg’s arms, however, Daisy was instantly calmed.

"She checked me out and then she went to sleep. The next six to eight hours, she’d wake up and be very afraid and then she’d cry and then relax and play with you. I’d do the same thing. Just get really afraid, then really expanded. It was this metaphysical kind of labor, this crazy meeting."

Meg — who still carries in her wallet the first photo of Daisy sent to her by the orphanage — dismisses the notion that she somehow saved her daughter. Instead, she believes that she was always meant to be Daisy’s mom. "I just saw that face and I knew we were just related," she says. "[Adoption] taught me a lot about any expectations you have in life. Just toss them away. Throw them out."

Source: Los Angeles Times

Comments

What was the name that Meg originally gave Daisy?? anyone remember??

- Heather on September 11th, 2008

Heather–I believe it was Charlotte.

- The Nanny on September 11th, 2008

I believe Meg originally named her Charlotte but then changed it to Daisy. I’m almost certain it was Charlotte.

- Lily on September 11th, 2008

Charlotte

- aurora mia on September 11th, 2008

I thnk it was Charlotte True
We;re also adopting from China, the process is so long and frustrating !!

- Molly on September 11th, 2008

I really like Meg and I do too think she and Daisy were meant for each other. Meg, Jack, and Daisy seem like a lovely family.

- Jessica on September 11th, 2008

Wow. Really cool.

- amelita on September 11th, 2008

I can imagine how Daisy looked, I live in China and in wintertime the children have so many clothes on they can’t even move their arms or legs and they are completely overheating. Looks very cute though

- Sarita on September 11th, 2008

I love LOVE how she always makes it clear that she does not feel like she ‘rescued’ Daisy.

It makes me cringe, and is a pet hate of mine, how so many adoptive ‘celebrity’ parents make the comment they wanted to give a child a ‘better life’.

None of the people I know personally, who have adopted, have ever said one of their reason’s for adopting is to give the child ‘a better life’. Ultimately that is usually one of the side benefits, I find it so very condescending to harp on about it though and publicaly too!

Meg and Daisy seem to have such a wonderful bond and Meg seems to be totally in awe of her daughter.

- Car on September 12th, 2008

I’m not overly keen on Meg after her performance on Parkinson, but that was such a sweet story, mother and daughter seem very chilled out with each other, and Daisy is such a cutie!

- phoebe on September 12th, 2008

As an adoptive Mom, I completely understand what she is saying. The first time I held my son was the first time that either of us was truly home.

- Natasha on September 12th, 2008

Finally a celeb who speaks about adoption as it should be…not to rescue…but to love…

As a mom of two beautiful girls through adoption…if anyone was “saved” it was definately me…

And when my first daughter was placed in my arms…in less then a second…she was mine…and I was hers…we were meant to be…

- Theresa on September 12th, 2008

Given that there are millions of American children waiting to be adopted, many of them minorities, why is it that celebrities like Meg Ryan and Angelina Jolie decide on fashionable foreign adoptions? It seems to me that they are less interested in saving a child, and more in saying, “look at me”.

- Jenny on September 12th, 2008

I love to hear stories like this. I have an adopted daughter from China (Jan 2005). She is almost 5 now, and I can’t imagine life without her. I also have a biological 7 year old son, and those two are the best of pals. I’m the one that feels lucky and blessed to have two wonderful children.

MOLLY: Hang in there! The Chinese adoption process now, as opposed to how it was just 3 years ago, is so tedious and frustrating. I got my daughter exactly a year after I filled out the paperwork.

Now, people in my original adoption group who are trying to adopt a second child from China, are saying it is taking years for the process to be completed. Good luck and hang in there. It is SO worth it!

- Allison on September 12th, 2008

Too often people get too caught up in what someone says. Just because she did not call it a “rescue” does not mean those who do, are any less loving or any less well-intentioned. Sometimes it is what it is – a “rescue.” I don’t think anyone here can call Zahara’s situation anything but a “rescue” by people who wanted to change her circumstance. She WAS malnourished and close to death. Now she is part of a loving family that she would not have had, had she waited for Meg Ryan’s “connection.” So, I don’t think calling it a “rescue” or “connection” makes that much of difference except to a celebrity who wants to one up another by implying that those who “rescue” are not doing it for the right reasons. Even if that was not her intention some readers here have already jumped on that bandwagon.
Let me be clear, it IS the act of adopting itself, whether by “rescue” or “connection” that is admirable. Let us not be fools and diminish one method over the other.

- Ingrid on September 12th, 2008

I too have a daughter adopted from China (July 2002) we waited 15 months. I have received many comments about my daughter over the last 6 years and many have said “you are so wonderful to have saved your daughter”. My husband and I just smile knowing that we were the ones that were saved by this beautiful, wonderful,loving baby. I fell in love with my daughter the minute I saw that first picture (which I also carry in my wallet everyday). I know exactly what Meg Ryan is talking about and for all of you out there waiting for the “forever family day” be assured that when it finally happens you totally forget the waiting and anxiety becuase it is so very very worth it.

- Terry on September 12th, 2008

It’s amazing how adopted children end up with the right family. As an adoptive mom I can totally identify with Meg.

Anyone out there pursuing adoption, keep going and be patient. All the work and wait is worth it in the end. Know that there is a child meant to join your family.

- Monia K on September 12th, 2008

Thanks for the lovely stories! Hang in there Molly!

Ingrid, I don’t understand why Angelina Jolie is being brought up here. She wasn’t being attacked. Nobody knows how Zahara would have ended up had she not been adopted.

- Linda on September 12th, 2008

Please see the link >

http://about-orphans.blogspot.com

Many thanks.

- Stella on September 12th, 2008

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- uazqstf qdwjmyseb on September 12th, 2008

I never tire of seeing pictures of these two together.

I have major issues with saying that adoptive parents “rescue” their children because what does that say to the child? “If your Mom and Dad hadn’t gotten you…” No child should be made to feel like they should be grateful for being adopted. They’ve suffered enough loss already.

- Chana on September 12th, 2008

Linda- I think Ingrid brought up Zahara because she was trying to point out that sometimes adoption IS a “rescue” and she (Ingrid, I mean, not Angie) wants to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with that.

Also, I disagree that “nobody knows how Zahara would have ended up had she not been adopted”. As Ingrid pointed out, she was malnourished. She also had an E Coli infection and was also, I believe, at least slightly dehydrated.

Angie also said that, when she went to pick Z up, she saw two other babies in that orphanage with the same symptoms Z had…and both of them died within days.

Therefore, it’s prety obvious how Z would have ended up if she weren’t adopted. More than likely, she would have died in the orphanage.

All of that said, I also consider Pax’s adoption to be a “resuce”. True, he wasn’t near death when Angie adopted him, but the sad fact is that most people who want to adopt want to adopt babies or toddlers, not older children like Pax.

Had Angie not adopted him, Pax very likely would have faced a childhood in the orphanage, and a life completely on his own (and likely on the streets, as it’s doubtful he’d have had much, if any, money) when he turned 16 or so (from what I’ve heard, most children in forgein countries “age out” of orphanages at the age of 16).

I don’t know what the situation was like for Maddox, but Zahara and Pax are both very fortunate that Angie (and later Brad) cared enough to adopt them!

- CelebBabyLover on September 13th, 2008

Linda-

Zahara’s pediatrician said she definitely would have died.

- stephanie on September 13th, 2008

I don’t think anyone here said adoption is never a ‘rescue’ as a side effect. But if you read the stories here from women who HAVE adopted: you don’t adopt a child to rescue the child. You adopt because you love children and would like to have them in your life.

Rescue can come in many forms, like donating money to organisations working with abandoned children in those countries. You don’t have to adopt to rescue children.

- Linda on September 13th, 2008

Not all celebs who have adopted has said they have reduced their child…..MR is not the first to say it.

- GroundRules on September 13th, 2008

I have two beautiful biological children, and have considered adoption (although I’ll probably adopt stateside, as there are so many here who need a family) and have always heard people say things like ‘rescued’ when referring to an adopted child. I’m sorry, but when I do adopt, if someone says that to me, my response will be…”I RESCUED my dog, I CHOSE my child”.

- Penny on September 15th, 2008

That’s a beautiful way of looking at it! Makes me like Meg that much more!

- Erin on September 16th, 2008

I think all the argument about motivation for adoption is a by-product of a lingering stigma in society that needs to change. People shouldn’t have to feel the need to justify their decision to adopt. Parents of biological children aren’t scrutinized by the world and expected to provide reasons for why they wanted their children.

I often notice people complaining about the children of celebrities being referred to as ‘adopted’. I say, why not? ‘Adopted’ shouldn’t be a dirty word, but a word used with great pride. Adoption is not a second best option and DNA is not the only way to form a family.

- Emma on September 18th, 2008