Jools Oliver on Struggle to Conceive Baby #3

When Juliette ‘Jools’ Oliver conceived her first daughter — Poppy Honey, 6 — it was with the assistance of the fertility drug Clomid; her second daughter, 5-year-old Daisy Boo, was a surprise pregnancy. Now, the 32-year-old wife of famed chef Jamie Oliver says that the couple are yet again struggling with fertility issues — and she is prepared to undergo treatment in an effort to welcome a son to their family. "I would love more kids but number three is taking much longer than I thought," Jools admits.

If I have to go through the fertility drugs again, I will. Jamie would do anything to have a boy.

Despite appearing on the September cover of the UK’s Red magazine, Jools — whose fertility issues stem from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) — says that she’s far more comfortable "in the background, making sure the kids are in bed and everyone’s happy."  She adds,

There is nothing I would rather do.

Jools and Jamie, 33, were married in 2000.

Source: Daily Mail via Red; Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage.

Comments

I wish them luck… I can’t wait to hear what they will name the next baby!

I hate to hear them publicly declaring that they are hoping for a boy. I don’t feel like there should be a “1st choice and “2nd choice” when it comes to your kids— you just take what you get with gratitude, kids are a gift!

I guess this strikes a nerve with me because I have all boys. With my most recent pregnancy I found out at 5 months along that it was another boy…. SOO many people said things along the lines of “You must be disappointed”, “Oh well, you can always try again” or “I’ll bet you were hoping for a girl”, all of which I found insulting.

- *Lulu* on August 4th, 2008

For some reason, men want sons…its just something they long for as dads. maybe not all men, of course. What is important is a healthy baby, but after having 2 girls why wouldn’t someone want a boy? Why is that so awful to say publicly? They didn’t say they were unhappy with girls, just that a boy would be nice. I just don’t get it.

As for her struggles, I wish them lots of luck. I know firsthand what fertility problems can do to a person, let alone a marriage. I hope they are successful soon! And that they have the little boy they both seem to want!

- tink1217 on August 4th, 2008

I don’t think people mean to insult…but I too wish to have the experience of raising both a boy and a girl…and though it may not happen, it’s natural to desire and want that for you and your partner. I wish them the best, whether the get a boy or another girl.

- Joel on August 4th, 2008

I can totally understand their wish for a boy, and at least they’re being honest about it! I was absolutely desperate for a girl, and after conceiving three boys (the last of whom we lost) I got my wish.

I don’t love my daughter any more than my sons, but I’d have never been as happy for the rest of my life if I’d never had a girl, and that’s a fact. She’s 19 months old now and I’m grateful every single day for the way things worked out.

It’s difficult when you so dearly want a son/daughter (and I know not everyone minds either way) because it’s one of those things you just have no influence over. No amount of saving/studying/whatever will work, you just have to cross your fingers and hope you are blessed. I was and I hope Jamie and Jools are too.

- Ruthella on August 4th, 2008

Yeah after two girls, I don’t blame them for admitting they’d like a son, but still with Jool’s fertility issues I’m sure they’d be pleased if she became pregnant again in general, no matter what the gender of their next child.

Anyway one way to guarentee getting a son would be adoption and specifically look for a baby/toddler son. I wouldn’t guarentee their adopted son son would look exactly like them, but they could still give a child a good home.

- Autumn on August 4th, 2008

I agree wih Autumn, ESPECIALLY because there are so many more boys needing good homes. People mainly want to adopt girls, whether domestically or internationally.

- Natasha on August 4th, 2008

I echo Autumn. People keep asking me whether I hope this baby is a boy or a girl and I just want a baby. My husband and I plan to adopt part of our family and that way we’ll guarentee experiencing both genders and give a child who needs a home one.

But, I also understand wanting to conceive a child naturally if you can, so I wish this family all the best!

- MB on August 4th, 2008

Of course they want a son to pass on the family name. Girls are worthless for that, but fun to name and dress up. One of each is best.

- April on August 4th, 2008

My brother is the youngest of 4, and with 3 older sisters my mum was surprised when he was born as she’d imagined that after 3 girls that she just didn’t make sons. But it really annoyed her when people would say “Did you keep on trying for a boy?” because that wasn’t the case. My parents kept having children because they wanted them, not because after having me they were desperate for a boy, my sisters are much loved too, and if my brother had been a girl then he would be as well, and I don’t think my parents would have gone on to have a 5th.

I’m sure Jools didn’t mean to offend, but I agree with Autumn, I’m sure she’ll be pleased if she gets pregnant again regardless of the gender. I just think that if I was in that situation I wouldn’t make declarations like “I hope the next one’s a boy!”, because the child could read it sometime down the line and feel upset if they weren’t what was wished for.

- Rachel-Jane on August 4th, 2008

I think people put way too much stock into this. I dated a guy who was the youngest of 3 boys and knew that his parents tried for a girl with him, but when they had yet another boy, they just figured they could only have boys and stopped with him. He wasn’t devastated or traumatized by this. He knew he was loved by his parents no matter what. So no, I really don’t see what the big deal is. People can always have a preference, but as long as the kid knows they are loved, they won’t care that mommy & daddy originally wanted the opposite sex.

- Taylor on August 4th, 2008

I have two girls and I am frequently asked…oh are you going to try for a boy? My response is…if we try for a third “child” I hope he/she is healthy. I wouldn’t mind a boy but I wouldn’t mind a girl either….I think it is fantastic to experience both sexes but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I hope that if jamie and jools are trying that they are blessed with a healthy child, of either sex!

- nicole on August 4th, 2008

Ha ha April! You said it! Hilarious. People are silly. Children are children, by any means. Embrace them.

- crimpe on August 4th, 2008

“Of course they want a son to pass on the family name. Girls are worthless for that, but fun to name and dress up. One of each is best.”

This is perhaps the most offensive comment I have ever read in reference to people’s gender preferences. Girls are good for naming and dressing up, but WORTHLESS for passing on the name? Interesting adjective first of all…

More importantly, the idea that women have to take their husband’s name and give up their identity is becoming increasingly dated. If you raise your daughter in an environment where she is only good for having a cutesy name and wearing dresses then yes I am sure she will also be quick to take her husbands name and drop her family name. In that case you better have a son for those important responsibilities! But many of us will have daughters who will realize that they can choose to keep their own name and identity after marriage and even, god-forbid, pass their last name onto their children. Although I hardly think the legacy aspect of a last name should be a reason to have children or to prefer one gender to another….

- Ali on August 4th, 2008

I am the baby of 4 girls. I knew my parents wanted a boy and my mom cried when she found out she was pregnant with another girl. Not because she didn’t want me, she was just disappointed (and hormonal) when she found out. My sister cried too. Everyone wanted a boy. But, did I feel any less loved? Not for a second. Going back now, my mom said she wouldn’t change a thing and if she could do it all over again she would have 4 girls again and my dad says the same thing. My next baby, I hope will be a girl, because I love little girls but I would be tickled with a boy too. My hubby wants a boy, but he would be thrilled with another girl too. People can wish for one sex over the other but bottom line is…people just want a healthy baby. There is nothing wrong with hoping for one sex over the other, because in the end, no matter what the sex is, you are going to be exstatic. People read into these quotes why too much.

- Becky on August 4th, 2008

April, that really got me laughing!

- tink1217 on August 4th, 2008

Ali, I am planning to raise my chidren not to be offended by things that aren’t offensive. You go ahead and raise your kids to look for things to get offended by. Good luck with your kids. My kids will be the ones sailing contently through life looking at the glass half full.

- Angie on August 4th, 2008

ROFL Angie!!! HAHA!!

- Becky on August 4th, 2008

Lighten up people!

- tink1217 on August 4th, 2008

I had my fifth and last baby a couple of weeks ago and it was a boy. I never found out the gender while pregnant but after all those girls, I was soooooo happy, it’s what I wanted. If my child had been another girl, I wouldn’t have loved her any less.

I pray that this couple are blessed with another child naturally or through adoption.

- Melanie F. on August 4th, 2008

I didn’t say anything offensive. I said what everyone knows. It’s not a reason to prefer one gender to another, it’s why it’s important to have both, one of each. A boy to pass on the family name and a girl too. She can keep her name if she wants. A son gives his name to the grandchildren though and you have to think about that.

- April on August 4th, 2008

Jools was one of the MANY celebs who, when I was living in England, martyred themselves over having PCOS and how it could have robbed them of their ability to have children.

Note that all of these celebs were pregnant at the time. Victoria Beckham was another one.

I have PCOS and it comes with a LOT more baggage than fertility issues, trust me.

- Stef on August 4th, 2008

LOL angie!!!! You and me both!

- Bb on August 4th, 2008

Stef- I have PCOS also and yes it does come with A LOT more issues than infertility. I will say though that was the hardest part of it for me. We really struggled to conceive our second and after years of fertility drugs I was pregnant. I think that the fertility issue is the most talked about and again was the hardest for me, but you are correct there’s so much more to it. Now that we are not planning on having any more children though the other issues are definitely harder to deal with.

As far as wanting one sex over the other, I think it’s one of those taboo things where a lot of people have a preference but don’t want to admit it. Our first is a boy. My husbands Dad died when he was almost 2 and then the step dad he was raised with was a horrible man. My husband always wanted a son so he could be the father to him he never had and finally have a father-son relationship. Now me, I wanted a girl lol. When we found out he was a boy I was a little sad because I wanted a girl, but my husband drove home from the docs office honking his horn and yelling happily out the window “It’s a boy!!” Lol, it was cute. I ADORE my son and I am so grateful that the good Lord gave us our little man.

We finally got pregnant with our second and I knew it was our last, I so badly wanted a daughter. One of each and I’ve just always wanted to have a little princess. I was so happy when we found out she was a girl. Oddly I have some serious but private issues with regards to a father figure and having a daughter who has an amazing father has almost been healing for me.

I think that the One who creates these little lives, the good Lord, knows exactly what gender to give us and when to give us the baby. He gave us each gender at just the right time and I’m so grateful for my babies.

Sorry to get long winded, lol, that so was not my intent. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting you are hoping for one sex as opposed to another. You are not saying, “I will only love a boy and if it’s a girl I don’t want her.. etc” I would have loved our second even if she would have been another son. Kids are AMAZING blessings.

I wish them the best with their struggles to conceive. People tend to be rude and dismissive of the pain that goes along with infertility when you already have a child/ren at home. It still hurts when you want a baby so badly and can not conceive one no matter how many children you have already.

- Heather on August 4th, 2008

I get that they want a boy now that they have two girls. Raising boys and girls is obviously different, and some people want to experience both. Not a big deal. But..what I don’t get….is al the statements from them about how they’re doing fertility treatments in hopes of a boy….so, if the fertility treatments give them a girl, then what? She talks about that like she gets to choose what she’ll conceive. Fertility treatments help you conceive, not conceive a particular gender. Am I missing something here?

- carie on August 4th, 2008

@ April … there were only 20 people in the world that bore my surname until hubby and I decided to have my surname as our family name… now we are 23 people…. so much about the worthlessness of a girl for the passing on of the family name….

- kiki on August 4th, 2008

No, April, I didn’t realize that my grandchildren will automatically get my son’s last name. As Kiki pointed out it is completely within reason for the husband to take his wife’s name or for both parents to keep their last names and choose whether the children get his last name, her’s, both or a completely different “family” name. I have seen it all done. If the last name is so important to a family there is no reason a girl can’t carry it on as well. That was my point..

But, maybe offensive was the wrong word Angie. I guess I wasn’t offended so much as appalled at what struck me as an intense gender stereotype. I intend to raise my children to live outside those stereotypes and teach them that they don’t have to conform to dated traditions and beliefs that limit their achievements. But I am sure your children will happily live in their “glass half-full” world where they are not offended when people tell them their worth is based on whether they can or can not do something because of their gender.

BTW,I see nothing wrong with hoping for one sex over another (and loving whatever you get) but explaining it away as wanting a son because “only boys can pass on names” is inaccurate at best.

- Ali on August 4th, 2008

Uh, April dude, I thought you were joking. Because I really cracked up – you were serious? I have a boy, girl, another boy, and while awaiting my ultrasound with my fourth, my father-in-law said “well you can never have too many girls – boys are useless.” My husband and I both thought it was hilarious. I am enjoying my third useless boy, and my one worthless girl. Life is too short to worry about family names or playing dress-up. And for the record, we really enjoyed naming our boys.

- crimpe on August 4th, 2008

Oh wow April, I thought you were being facetious, I didn’t know you were being serious. SMH

- Melanie F. on August 4th, 2008

I really admired Jools after reading her book ‘Minus nine to one’ about the struggles she went through to conceive with Poppy. She also talks alot about her parenting style and what she feeds her kids. … I thought that was really interesting considering she’s married to a chef.

- Lilybett on August 4th, 2008

I also loved Jools’ book, ‘Minus Nine to One’, which I read before I fell pregnant, and am reading again! She seems so lovely, down-to-earth and honest, and she writes really well. I heard that she’s planning to write another book – maybe it will be about their current fertility struggles. I hope she falls pregnant again soon. I love her!

- zaraB on August 4th, 2008

I have to agree with you Ali. If I actually get married,which I doubt, I’m not changing my last name. Let’s not forget that men can take their wives’ last name if they want to. I have heard of some men doing this.

- Renee on August 4th, 2008

Another PCOS sufferer, trying to conceive for the past 16 months – I’m happy Jools is publicly talking about how bad infertility is, and PCOS, and while I agree with Stef and Heather that I have more issues than just not being able to fall pregnant – not actually having a pregnancy or a baby is a lot harder to deal with right now.
I hope Jools and Jamie get their much wanted son soon.

- Kirrily on August 4th, 2008

So this is a kind of random post after re-reading my post above. I said that infertility was the hardest part of PCOS etc.. but then later I said but now that we’re not trying to conceive the other issues are harder to deal with. I didn’t mean they are harder to deal with than infertility. I meant now that infertility is not a focus the other issues become more apparent and I notice them more. So I meant now that they are more apparent they harder than they once were.. not harder than infertility. Hopefully that makes sense lol. Infertility was and is by far the hardest part of that condition. It’s heartbreaking and I really sympathize with anyone who is struggling with fertility issues.

- Heather on August 4th, 2008

A neighbour had 6 girls, and they love the girls with a passion, but when the boy came, it wasn’t that they were pushed aside for him, but the dad was beaming to have a wee him. I don’t ever take this stuff personal because I think it’s perfectly normal. Yeah, if the father showed a favoritism based on sex I’d explode, but I just haven’t an issue otherwise. I love Jamie & Jools wish them great success with getting pregnant whether it’s a son or another daughter. I’ve seen Jamie with his girls and he’s an adoring dad any little girl could want. They are his princesses without a doubt.

- María2 on August 4th, 2008

Do people really, truly think that there are just two kinds of people, male and female? I think it’s even sillier coming from someone who already has two children, as I suspect her daughters aren’t the same person. Why would a third daughter be? Why is a son so inherently different (antiquated notions of name-passing aside)?

Think of a man and a woman you know. Pretty different, I’d imagine. Now, think of that same man or woman, and someone else of the same gender. Are they miraculously the same because they have the same bits? I suspect the answer is no, and this is one reason, among many, that I think it’s bizarre to have a notion that it’s only a perfect family if there’s at least one boy and one girl. Having a girl doesn’t guarantee you pink, frills, and ponies. Having a boy doesn’t guarantee you blue, macho, and football (thank goodness, on both counts!).

- Beth on August 5th, 2008

So Ali, I assume your husband took on your last name?

- Becky on August 5th, 2008

Re: taking the husband’s name. Here in Scotland it’s actually traditional to keep your surname upon marriage. Okay, say that to many Scottish women and they won’t realise, but really it’s only been the last hundred or so years where women in Scotland have changed their name. It was always the case long before that that the woman kept her name. Now that’s not to say that the children got her name of course, but it’s still interesting. So when people are surprised that my mum kept her name when she married she just tells them she’s actually the traditional one.

- Rachel-Jane on August 5th, 2008

I bet that if they had two boys and said that Jools would do anything for a girl none of you would care.

You are all two faced – You say it doesn’t matter but 80% of the time you are hoping it’s a girl.

I’m a woman and will be having children in a few years and TBH, I hope that I get boys.

Just get over yourselves.

- Mil on August 7th, 2008