Melora Hardin on her birth and parenting experiences
The Office’s Melora Hardin recently sat down with American Baby to discuss her homebirth, extended nursing, and attachment parenting practices, as well as how she deals with sibling squabbles and the importance of individual time with mom.
The 40-year-old actress is mom to Rory Melora, 6 ½, and Piper Quincy, 3, her daughters with actor Gildart Jackson.
Click below for the interview highlights.
On enjoying pregnancy:
I’m someone who enjoys the body changes and cycles of pregnancy. And Ireally enjoy how my body heals and can be strong again if I work at itand give it some time. I want to live a balanced life, and that meansthat you’re going to be a little heavier if you’ve just had a baby anda little skinnier if you’re on Broadway doing a show.
On why she chose a homebirth:
I wanted to have a completely natural birth. Everybody feels really safe and comfortable somewhere, and for me it wasn’t at the hospital. When I read about birth — most animals go into a cave and get really private, in the dark and alone — homebirth just made sense to me.
My daughter Rory watched Piper being born. My midwife told me that kidswho watch their siblings being born have an easier time adjustingbecause they see the hard work that it took to get the baby there, andthat the baby came from somewhere — we didn’t just go to the store andpick her up! Rory woke up for the last 45 minutes of my labor and putall of her toys out, saying, "These are for the baby."
On the mommy wars:
There is a lot of pressure on women to have the right birth and lose the baby weight, and I’d say much of it comes from other women. I feel like I’m being risky by talking about my homebirth because I might make other women somehow feel like I’m commenting on their birth experience. But this is just what worked for me.
On her decision to practice extended nursing:
I breastfed until my kids were 2 ½. I wanted to raise children who are really connected with me and the world around them, and for me that starts at birth and with feeding.
Don’t put breastfeeding up for discussion. People would come up to meand say, "Are you going to do that until she’s 16?" And my standardresponse would be, "No, until she’s 25." I’m not going to have thatdiscussion with people about what they think is right. I was adamantabout not having to feel like I had to cover up when I was out feedingmy child. We see plenty of violence in this country, and if you can’tdeal with a woman feeding her child, then look the other way. Everyonedeals with a little nipple now and then!
We practice attachment parenting, which goes against the norm and involves having a family bed. I’m such a busy person that it’s important to have that time to connect.
On rhythm and dance:
When I was carrying Rory, I kept dancing until I was about 8 months pregnant, and she has that incredible gift of being able to interpret music through her body. So we got her into a dance class at about 18 months. And I think Piper is going to be a little tap dancer. She has that spunk. Dancing has always been such a positive force in my life that I’d really like the girls to have that as well.
On help:
I think that learning to delegate is really important — learning how to have great caregivers who you instinctively feel are right and enriching for your child. And, of course, having an amazing partner, which I do. My husband is a fully equal team player and really enjoys fatherhood and being with our kids.
On taking individual time for each child:
When my littlest was a baby, I took my older daughter on a trip after I saw her having "what about me?" moments. It was just the two of us. We went to Legoland and had a day all about her — pretty much whatever she wanted, she got. We went on whatever ride she wanted, we stayed in a hotel overnight and got room service, we got a little toy and watched a movie.
She talked about the experience at preschool on share day, and it was so important to her. Now that Piper is getting older, I want to do the same with her.
Refereeing sibling squabbles:
I try to ignore the bad behavior and praise the good: Really, you can ignore about 90 percent of it and address about 10 percent.
When they’re screaming at each other, I try not to say anything until they come running to me. And then I say, "I have complete confidence that you guys can talk this over and work this out together, because I’ve seen you do it before." And then they do. They work it out in the most amazing way.
Source: American Baby, March 2008; Photo by Startraks.
Please note that we will not be posting negative comments in regards to homebirths or public/extended nursing.
