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Salma Hayek appears on Oprah

04/08/2008 at 03:45 PM ET

20080407_201_350x263Appearing on Oprah today, actress Salma Hayek discussed her difficult pregnancy, becoming a mother at 41, how she chose her daughter’s names, her unique relationship with her fiancé, and the piece of nursing advice she finds to be a myth.

Click below for the highlights and a video of the first part of the appearance.


20080407_204_350x263On the sex of the baby:

I always wanted just anything. I just wanted a baby. When they toldme I was pregnant, you know, you get a little nervous … ‘I hope I’m thebest mother, I hope I educate her well.’ And then I remembered how hardit is to be a woman. Ichickened out, and I said, ‘Oh, my God, I hope I get a boy.’ Because Ijust think they have it easier.

One doctor told me it was a boy, then the other said it was a girl. I remember when they told me it was a boy I was alittle disappointed! So I think I really wanted a girl or I knew it wasa girl. And then when she was born, I was so happy she’s a girl. Having a girl is the best.

Choosing her daughter’s name:

I liked that name … I wanted to name her something that meantsomething and Valentina means "courageous one" in Spanish. Then, onenight, I got really nervous that she was going to be like arevolutionary. And I said, ‘I better compensate withanother name that’s a little softer.’ So I named her ‘Paloma,’ whichmeans ‘dove’ in Spanish.

She’s a ‘courageous dove.’ Usually I call herValentina, but sometimes I called her Palomita.

20080407_203_350x263The pregnancy, nursing, and weight loss:

I gained a lot of weight. I had gestational diabetes. The pregnancy was really difficult for me. I thought, ‘As soon as thisbaby’s out, I’m just going to lose all the weight superfast because I’mgoing to breastfeed, and everybody tells you if you breastfeed, [theweight] is going to come off.’

It’s a lie; It’s not true. I’m going to say something. Except for a couple of exceptions, the onlyreason people lose weight like that when they’re breastfeeding — it’scause they’re not eating and they’re breastfeeding. And this is not good for the baby.

It takes you nine months to get it, and nine months to lose it. There are shortcuts, but it’s not good for thebaby. So I’m taking my time. I’ve lost a lot — most of — theweight and I’m very proud of it, because it’s been really hard workstudying what can I eat that’s healthy for me, what’s healthy for her. But I’m still losing, even ifit’s slow. And I’ve been working out.

I’m proud of what I’ve lost. And the rest is going to go when it’s time to go.

Loving her baby:

She is so spoiled. And I will not apologize for it!

On becoming a mom at 41:

I really feel for those mothers who have the babies really young. It’s a lot of work and I think it’s the best time …It’s a little nerve-racking to wait that long, but it’s the best timeto have it because you’ve done so many other things in your life. Youjust get it out of your system, and you can really relax into being amother, which is the best thing that can happen to you.    

But ifyou’re 23, you don’t know this because you think you have to do so manymore things. But if you already did them, then you can really focus andenjoy every minute of it.

20080407_202_350x263On why she and fiancé François-Henri Pinault haven’t wed yet:

I thought I was going to have to work really hard at getting pregnantbecause of my age, but then I just got pregnant. After Igot pregnant, I don’t know why, [but] the [ceremony] part of it is notnecessary because we have such a huge commitment for each other. Idon’t know that we have to go through the rituals.

[Men] have to work every day to continueto keep you wanting to marry them. They have to work at ita little bit, so it’s sort of sexy. I know people, once they getmarried, something happens, and I don’t know what it is, but somethinghappens, and then they are not as in love with each other.

Every time hecomes, it’s an event. And every time I go, it’s the same and it’s soromantic and it’s so exciting. And the time we spend together, it’s 100percent quality time. And then the time we’re not together, I have 100percent quality time to my baby, to myself, to my career.

So for us, it works. Now, it’s not an open marriage. Nobody think thisis too modern and don’t get the wrong idea; €”the level of commitment isexactly the same.

Source: Oprah

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Showing 104 comments

Just Me on

Yeah well… Some of us can focus and enjoy our children even at 23.

Usually I don’t care about that kind of comments but this interview… She just seems to think that her way is the right way.

Lexie on

I felt the same way as you do, Just Me. I sort of got a weird vibe from her while reading that, if that makes sense. Also, it’s a bit disappointing that she was disappointed when she thought the baby might be a boy. All babies are blessings, and I really would’ve thought from her feelings about wanting to get pregnant, that she would never have felt disappointment at either sex. Anyways, at least she chose a lovely name.

Michelle on

yes actually i feel the same way. that comment somehow stuck out for me… it seems an odd thing to say… i’m sure she was hoping people wouldn’t judge her regarding her age, but she shouldn’t judge other people on the age they have kids. and 23 isn’t really that young to have kids. and purely biologically, 23 is a lot closer to the age one is supposed to have kids than 41 is…

kaya on

I thought the same, she seems quite arrogant or something…

I think she just stressed wanting a girl this time, because she was criticized for that other interview where she said she hoped for a boy… I guess it’s just a bit of image control.

Grayson's Girl on

I kind of agree, “Just Me”. It makes me cringe to hear women presume to know what’s best for all other women based on their experiences.

I’m very happy for her, and she makes a valid point about being more fulfilled outside motherhood at an older age, but I wonder if she realizes and easy conception and pregnancy at her age was not a given? There are those who choose that route and aren’t as lucky as she was who would beg to differ about waiting.

Just as she chose to wait until she was in her 40s and it worked for her, many women choose to do it in their 20s because it works for them as well. I like Salma a lot, and I know she’s got her opinions, but I can see her comments rubbing some the wrong way.

On the breastfeeding issue, someone might want to drop her a note that metabolism, genetics, and lifestyle have just as much to do with the speed and progression of weightloss as eating or not eating does. That blanket statement she made is a bit unfair, even if she tacks on “with a couple of exceptions” to mollify it.

amber on

I understand what she’s saying…and tone is not always conveyed in writing.

I lived the college life, I partied like a crazy woman, then settled down, grew up, and had my first at 26. So I understand where she comes from, to a degree. I am so glad I did the foolish stuff before. I do think that a 19 year old doesn’t understand what opportunities they may have missed when they become young moms…because they missed them. Yes, babies are blessings, but I would have cheated myself out of major life experiences had I been a younger mom. She has a valid point, IMO.

Michelle on

And here come the criticisms already. Did anyone read the interview or were you only looking for something to pick apart? Please re-read and you will see that the sex of her baby did not really matter. Don’t pick on her for being honest.

I can also say I agree with her about age. She never says that someone at 23 cannot be an excellent mother. I just know that I am a better mother at 35 than I would have been at 23 because I was able to live like a 20 year old when I was in my twenties and really grow and develop into a responsible and mature woman.

Some women (I said some, not all) try to do too much too fast and then have tremendous guilt when they can’t handle it as well as they thought they could. Being a parent isn’t always easy.

Andria on

I agree that the interview has a weird vibe to it, but I wonder if some of that is because English is her second language. While she definitely speaks English very well you can still tell in interviews that it’s not her native language.

My first language is English but I lived in Italy for awhile as a child. I’m still “fluent” in Italian but can definitely come off more harshly than I mean to when speaking it. It’s just because I don’t have as thorough a grasp on the nuances of words and have to choose words that are more broad than the actual feeling I’m trying to convey.

Her comments DO strike me as pretty extreme, but I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt to a certain extent because I’ve been in situations where I offended someone by a comment I made in Italian when I didn’t mean it NEARLY as strongly as it came out.

Melanie on

The relationship she’s in with the father of her child comes off as convenient for the both of them more than anything else. But togetherness doesn’t seem to factor into it too much. She looked like she was struggling to explain the situation and Oprah seemed to be putting her on the spot. Maybe she should have said nothing about it. Just my opinion.

Ashley on

Did she become a mother at 23? No, that’s right, she didn’t. How does she know what it’s like? I think there are pros and cons to both young and older mothering. One reason my husband and I decided to start our family younger than the socially accepted norms was because we want to be there for our children as long as possible. When my son is 30, and perhaps starting a family of is own, I don’t want to be 70!

I really don’t appreciate her judgmental comments on a subject in which she has absolutely zero first-hand knowledge. Although I do agree with her on the breastfeeding = instant weight loss myth.

Kelley on

I have never really been a fan of Salma but I watched Oprah yesterday anyway. I loved the interview and was surprised to hear the comments above mine.

I guess you had to actually see the interview. She did not come off as arrogant at all. I changed my opinion of her watching it.

I became a mother at 22 and I am not offended by her comment. She is only giving her view point and her opinion and of course her opinion is going to be waiting longer was the best choice because she is older.

Although watching the show I think her point was if you have done what you have wanted to do before you have your children you will be ready for parenthood. At any age.

I clapped loudly too when she made that comment about breastfeeding. Before people jump all over me I am perfectly aware that everyone is different but I agreed with her comment. I thought it was a bunch of hogwash myself. I exclusively breastfed my daughter for 20 months. Not a drop of formula. Not even a bottle and let me tell you, I did not lose all my baby weight. Not even close.

Megan on

i actually saw the episode of Oprah and for me–I loved Salma even more after it–I don’t get any of the gripes at all…she was speaking from HER experience–why are we so quick to jump on her personal decisions and choices…she’s completely in love with her daughter–she’s happy with her fiance and she was simply recalling her experience…she only has her life to draw from so maybe we can stop and think before we jump all over her…Salma seemed completely in love with her daughter and her fiance and that came through to me more than anything else–I loved the interview. JMHO

Amelia on

I think Salma’s comments can be misconstrued if you just read the highlights. But please remember that English is her second language, so some of the things she said may not have come out exactly as she intended, as stated by Andria.

If you watch the clip, you can watch how she expresses herself and get a totally different vibe than actually reading the highlights. I think she is very honest and some of the things she said came off as pretty funny! Not everything should be picked apart.

I think Salma looks great and comes off as a happy mom!

Lynn on

I exclusively breastfed ( I still am – my baby is 4 months old – he just got shots today :o( ) and the weight fell off. I lost 16 lbs in 6 days & 4 more in another 2 weeks. Somewhere between then & now I lost the remaining 9 lbs – I gained 29 lbs. I fit into my prepregnancy clothes 3 weeks after my son is born. So I credit my weight loss to breastfeeding.

meghan on

i definitely feel that i am a better mother now than what i could have been at 23. it is my opinion about myself – and i am assume that is the point salma was making…

Lynn on

I can relate to most parts of her interview. I had my first son at 20, my second son at 22, my third and fourth sons at 23. I recall a lot of years feeling like I was growing up with my sons. The physical and mental demands of raising so many children were overwhelming. My husband and I felt like the only way we could tackle it all was to dive in and just do it.

In retrospect, it went by too fast and sadly, there never seemed to be any time to just stop and enjoy it all. When we were finally out of diapers, potty-trained and in preschool and school, I felt like I could breathe again. It felt like coming out of a fog and we were finally able to enjoy our family, I got my BA and MA, we traveled extensively and I even got to relive what 21 was supposed to be like!

At 29, we decided to have one more go at it and Abbey, my only daughter, was born. From day one, it has been nothing but pure, blissful joy. She’s almost six now and I can’t help but compare her with the boys. I do feel like I cheated them out of time and attention a little bit because I simply wasn’t prepared for it all and it happened so fast. But Abbey was carefully planned at the right time and place in our lives.

Salma has a good point about being ready to be a parent. Everyone is different, but generally speaking, you’re usually better prepared if you’ve had some of life’s experiences before you have children. I’m not sure it’s an age thing since I know 23 year olds wise beyond their years and others who act just like kids.

Now the upside of having children young? Most of my kids will be out of the house when I’m 40! I get to enjoy life all over again!

Susanne on

The pregnancy “myth” was not a “myth” for me. I breastfed exclusively for the first six months and I lost all of my baby weight in no time and then lost an additional 20 pounds. No dieting, no exercising, I ate very well!! I could not eat enough sometimes. My son did nurse around the clock. I only gained 24 pounds while pregnant, so I guess that helps. I always eat very good. I just hope I am that lucky the second go around.

Shanna on

I agree Meghan and Kelley

WATCH THE INTERVIEW

*Don’t judge her from some quotes.

Erica on

I don’t think Salma was “trying” to be put down young mothers; instead, I believe she was making the point that once a woman has lived a little on her own, and gained confidence, and achieved other things that becoming a first time mother is not quite so harrowing because she already knows she has done so much already. But I don’t think she was at all attempting to speak for *everyone*, just giving her own point of view.

I tend to agree with her. I came pretty close to being a young mom (19) and believe me, at a mere three years later I’ve already done so much I never would’ve been able to with a kid (finished my degree, studied abroad, worked overseas).

By no means do I think every girl my age should “put off” motherhood just because I did or because Salma Hayek chose to–I just think she makes a valid point in that many (not all :) young moms might and do feel like they “missed out” on a lot of things to a certain degree.

Kim on

I have to say in all honesty that yes, it might not really be up to Salma to judge what age is the best age to have a baby. But at the same time, she seems to be in such a bliss during the interview that for her it was just so much the right time that she felt she has to share that she thinks around 40 is a (still) a perfect age to have a baby and that when you are still in your 20′s you can miss out on so much.

It reminded it me of myself when I said 10 years ago together with my best friend that we really wanted to become young mothers. She has two children now at the age of 26 and none for me. At first I thought:”Mmmm, I feel a bit bad about this.” As I still have the desire to become a mom someday soon. But then my friend said she sort of felt a bit jealous (in a good way) about my “around the world” trip 2 years back. And that even though she was really happy with the kids, she sort of wished she could have done it with me and she realized that she had to miss out on this experience and perhaps others because she became a mom so young. No regrets about the kids, don’t get me wrong. But she did point out to me that once I have kids of my own, I have also already done the trip we have always discussed.

So I understand Salma’s point on that although it should be taken more as a personal opinion. Because again, no one can judge for another what the best age is to have a child.

As for her relationship. I do think it’s love but they both don’t seem to be 24/7 people. And if this way works for both of them, than all the best to them! If they have this understanding that they are both happy with, than it will also bring up a happy child.

One last thing:
I am so happy she is one of the first celebs to say that breastfeeding alone does not make you lose weight.

I agree with some of the posters that losing weight so quickly after birth can also depend on some other things. But Salma was sort of attacking the fact that everybody nowadays only claim that it was just breastfeeding alone that made them loose the weight.

Christina Aguilera said it, Nicole Richie. And I just don’t buy it that 9 out of 10 celebs really only loose all the weight just by breastfeeding alone! It is soooo refreshing to read that Salma had to work her well, butt off to loose the weight. It makes her look like a normal human being, not a super mom celeb.

(sorry for the long post by the way, but I just think a lot of these things Salma said where taking out of context and got picked up in the wrong way) :)

Jen DC on

Let’s not forget that she comes from a very different culture – and she’s translating. I don’t care how long someone has been speaking a second or third language, there are cultural differences that can come across in diction, word choice, etc.

That being said, I think she has a point (which many of the annoyed “younger” mothers/posters here have kind of proved) about the differences in perspectives between “older” and “younger” mothers. There is – regardless of how “younger” mothers feel about it – a level of life experience you can only get by living longer. It’s galling, I know, but true. That’s not saying that there is something wrong with having a child at a younger age; it just wouldn’t have worked for her.

She also might be justifying her choice (still) to herself and not necessarily to the audience.

Tabitha on

Can you please just go bake a cake and stop picking a part everything she says? People are allowed to have their own thoughts and ideas. If she wanted a boy fine! Leave her alone!

Kay on

I didn’t watch the episode. I only read the above interview and I can respect Salma’s point of view. I believe that all she meant was that she is content with her life decisions.

I think she is a wonderful role model. She is also a human being, who has a right to her own opinions. Oh and guess what? She has a right to change her mind about wanting a son or daughter too!

I wonder if any of the above (unhappy) posters will have different opinions in 10-20 years?

Shanna on

Also, for people who are looking down on her relationship with her fiance. He is a business man like any other man, who works and has to travel for there job.

*François-Henri Pinault is her fiance, he runs luxury brands such as Gucci,YSL and etc.. I am pretty sure that means that he has to do a lot of traveling.

tink1217 on

once again…judgments! can’t we just accept each other as women and mothers. Everyone is entitled to their opinion based on their experience. Salma did not come off as arrogant at all. I will never understand being so defensive! Salma is only expressing her own experience!!

Heather on

Thank you Salma for talking about nursing and weight loss. I nursed my first for 13 months, and am still nursing my second who is 14 months. And my baby weight….very much still there, not all of it, but more than I’d like!

I never believed that whole “nursing takes the weight off” myth. Losing it takes a lot of factors to combine – but let’s not forget a lot of it is genetics, nursing or not.

It gets tiring to see these Trista Sutter types (no offense) who seem to obsess over losing the baby weight, so this to me was refreshing.

Tan on

i just don’t think it works for everyone.i agree with Kim for some breastfeeding alone doesn’t work when shedding the weight. it didn’t work for me my weight didn’t fall off until i started working out. i was already eating help of course for my son.

i became a mother at 20yrs and i’m 28yrs now and if i could go back i would of waited.i think thats all she was saying. for me i had a hard time as a young mother college, work, money etc…

I ALSO AGREE WITH SOME OF THE OTHERS STOP NICK PICKING AT THIS WOMAN’S COMMENTS. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION.

amylamy on

if you watched the episode she didn’t come off as judgemental at all, she was just talking about her situation. tone and context often get lost on paper.

and it was just her opinion that she was a better mother at forty than she thought she would have been in her twenties.

and i know lots of people who have felt a twinge of disappointment over hearing what the sex of their baby was going to be. it’s perfectly natural to want one or the other. but everyone get’s over it. she obviously loves her daughter to pieces but i have no doubt she would have loved a son just as much.

also on the show she made a comment about her and francois-henri’s somewhat unique living situation. she basically said that when valentina’s a bit older they’ll probably make more of an effort to be in the same place more, but that even if she picked up and moved to paris right now he travels so much for work they’d see each other just as much as they do now lol.

jamie on

I really just wish that celebrity moms would not make marriage sound like no big deal … I really think that marriage is important and sacred and I feel like all of these celebrity couples having babies without any intention to get married sets the wrong example for young people.

Vlada on

She looked gorgeous on the show, she and Francois must have quite a relationship.

Cyn on

I thought she was pretty honest in her interview. For her she made the right choice. I had my first at 30 and understand what she’s saying. Everyone is different though.
My mom had me at 19. She did a great job. I wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready to be a mom until I was 30.

Sarah on

Anyone who only read the interview highlights above should watch the video CBB posted below the highlights. The way Salma said the things she said comes off COMPLETELY differently.

Since the clip is provided here on the post also, I think people should watch it before making negative comments.

spotlight on

I think that women should have children when it is the best time in their lives. Understanding that we may come from different cultural and economic backgrounds and have different AMBITIONS may make it easier to realize that the “best time” is different for each woman.

Carol on

My goodness people are so judgmental. Don’t take things out of context and don’t take them personally. She doesn’t know you. She’s speaking of herself and her own experience. She’s beautiful and so is her daughter.

SH on

I breastfed my son for 13 months and the weight didn’t fall off. In fact, I still have a lot of it and he’s 18 months old now! Every woman’s different. Sure wish I was one of the lucky ones! :)

I like Salma. I like the fact that she speaks her mind–and I don’t think she was trying to impose her views on anyone else or prescribe others’ behavior. JMO.

tiff on

Never was a big fan. After this interview, I never will be. Maybe it’s cultural or generational or due to class but her arrogance is off-putting.

sheba on

Plenty of women are “disappointed in gender” and it does not mean the love their baby less or that they don’t wish for a healthy baby. All mother’s wish for a healthy baby. Even a crackhead mother wishes for a healthy baby.

It’s silly to think a new mom or pregnant mom should be spinning around giddy like a Sound of Music fool about everything pregnancy and baby related. Oh, his poop is so beautiful…my engorged nipples are great. Pain is good. I just love being 60 pounds overweight with a sloppy stomach, AND my husband looooooooooooooves me that way. Yeah, right.

I really like Salma and I felt that when she used the word “you” in her comment about 23 years olds, she was referring to herself. And if she’s is/was being arrogant, which I don’t think she is, she’s got every right to be. Because she is da bomb!

“I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy. You’d care if it were a gerbil”. Bernice from Designing Women.

Sarah on

She clearly was not being arrogant. In the video in the post, she’s laughing and keeping it all very light. I highly doubt she was throwing things out as hard and fast rules as to how it is.

madam pince on

I agree with Amber — having a baby at 19, which I did, was extremely difficult and something I’d never recommend. I’d have been a much better mother at 41. Early motherhood was so difficult for me I chose not to have any more children, so I can appreciate Selma & Amber’s points of view about waiting.

y86 on

i think many of you are taking it personal. i don’t think she meant it in a bad way, she just explains that the older you get, the more you live and therefore you can just sit down and enjoy your baby. She doesn’t say a 23 year old woman is a bad mom or doesn’t enjoy the baby as well, they asked her how it felt to have a baby at 41 and she gave her opinion.

abby on

I happen to agree with Salma’s POV. As a 23-year-old, if I found myself pregnant tomorrow I would feel like there’s so many more things I need to accomplish and I would try to do it all, and all she’s saying is that she’s so much more relaxed having lived a full life already. She doesn’t feel a need to work as hard and establish who she is whereas at 23 we’re so much more involved in ourselves and where we want to take our lives. She’s not saying 23 year olds are bad parents!

Risa on

I’m not going to judge Salma for her opinion, but I would like to state my own opinion on being a young mother.

I was 23 when I had my son (I’m 24 now). I know that I still (on occasion) “act like a child”. My husband and I horse around & act silly with one another every now and again. But you know what, I think that is partially in part to my personality. I think we’ll never be 100% “grown up”. I like that I’m growing with my child, and I really don’t think that having him when I was 30, 35, 40 or even 45, would make me a better parent. Different, yes, but better? Not necessarily.

I always wanted to be a mother, and this may sound lame, but I didn’t have many other ambitions in life. I already had my science degree and I’m an registered nurse; so career-wise, I’m where I want to be. I’d like to travel, but I don’t feel cheated that I didn’t go before my son was born. Now we’ll just bring him along! I was never a partier, so nothing to worry about there.

Having my son at 23 was right for me. It is different for everyone. I don’t feel like I’m missing out, and I believe that I am enjoying every part of my son’s growth.

FC on

Honestly, I think the ones up in arms are going by what’s written up on the interview, not really hearing how she said it verbatim. Even when I read it, it still doesn’t seem arrogant. Salma is hardly arrogant. I saw her on the show yesterday and she was a delight, discussing Valentina–and I like her nickname of Palomita–and then going on to discuss the Pampers campaign, etc.

When she mentioned the whole having a baby at 23 versus having a baby when she did a little later in life, I saw it as her saying she’d done most of what she wanted to do, was established, had stability financially and everything else, and was ready to add motherhood and a baby on to that, devote her time to her daughter, instead of possibly wondering what she might miss out by building a family. I know some can still do those things with a baby included, others still wonder. I have a few in my family who are still wondering, wishing they’d waited, etc.

When it gets right down to it, for her, she’s saying she had her baby at the right time in her life. She came at the greatest time. Some of those times are different for every woman. That’s it. I saw it as it being that you don’t have to rush something you truly want, that it can happen when the time is right, everything has fallen into place.

That’s actually what I want, get a few more things finished, loose ends tied up, have some sort of stable foundation for my child, so that I can provide the best for them. It’s not selfish to want to be able to give your child the best you know you can give them, give them the time, love, and home they deserve to have, not just half-ass it and feel like you’ve failed somehow.

That’s my take.

brannon on

Wow. Surprising post for me. I watched the interview and found her rather delightful? In any case, she seems very happy and Valentina is very beautiful.

Jamie – while you are certainly entitled to your opinion, I think it is unfair to say that unmarried mothers are “bad examples.” If you believe marriage is important, then please pass that on to your own daughter. But I also hope you pass on tolerance and acceptance of others, rather than merely “right v. wrong” or “good v. bad.”

GG on

I love Salma as a human being but I think that while she’s entitled to her point of view, she shouldn’t generalise about the experience of marriage for other people. I am 25, married at 24 to my husband with whom I’ve been with for 6 years and we love each other more than ever everyday. This is specially important since in some cultures, certain very important rituals are central to the institution of marriage, so I mean..really Salma, don’t generalise or speak for others, but love you all the same!

Morgan on

I want to say first that I like Salma Hayek as an actress. I don’t know her as a person, so I can only comment on what I have been exposed to of her personality; an image cultivated by a finely tuned PR machine.

With respect to the age comment: I had my daughter at 21 and while I understand that some experience only comes with having lived through things, it greatly offends me to hear “older” mothers or women who’ve waited until later in their lives to have children, speak as though the decision they personally made is the only right way to do things.

I definitely see the benefits of waiting until you’ve had time to be “selfish” before you have a child, but then again, I can see the benefit of not having to remember to take my blood pressure meds/worry about gestational diabetes/low birth weight/increased risk of down syndrome/being around for my child to graduate college because I had my daughter young.

Personal choices are just that: personal. As women, we tend to jump all over the decisions other women make and cast our own vote as though our opinions validate their life choices. Salma chose to have a child outside of wedlock at 41. I chose to have a child inside of marriage at 21. We’re entitled to that right of choice.

Did I make the right decision? For me, yes. And that’s what’s important. But to sit on a throne of judgement as a woman who waited until you’d done everything you wanted to do (because motherhood MUST mean the end of your own personal aspirations; God forbid you not use your child as an excuse to end ambition), and look down on us “younger” mothers with anything remotely resembling disdain is off putting and unfair.

Just like I could call a woman who waits until she’s practically 50 (not Salma in this case, but another woman I personally know) to have her first child selfish, because she’ll be in her 60′s when her child completes high school! Could it be unfair that she knowingly increased the probability that she wouldn’t be around to rear her child into adulthood? Yeah, but that’s not my place.

People need to learn to respect the decisions of others, whether they agree with them or not.

Jaclyn on

I’m sure she meant it in the “23 wouldn’t have worked for me” type way. Just as I know 40 won’t work for our family.

Honestly, however if we’re going to get picky about it, I will say there is a reason that it becomes physically harder to get pregnant as you age, IMHO. Kids of today, an interesting group to say the least both in terms of their medical, social, and physical issues, are the first generation with such a high percentage of “older” parents.

A new study done reflecting some of the downsides of older parents is scheduled to be published this fall, it will be interesting to see if the media (many are older parents because of the demand of their jobs) will cover this reality or brush it under the carpet since it’s not what people want to hear?

Liz on

My daughter was born when I was 23 and I think it was the perfect time for me to become a mother.

terri on

Considering all the second guessing here of women that choose to wait a few years to have kids, I think her comments were fine.

My mom had kids at 22,27, and 32. She felt that her pregnancy at 27 was her best because it was her only planned pregnancy. Maybe planning a pregnancy is what really makes the difference in how prepared you feel to be a mother.

With the breastfeeding and weight loss, it’s different for everyone. I don’t think there’s anything untrue about the fact that people have different experiences.

Lee on

I think it was rude to imply that if you naturally lose weight by breastfeeding you’re some rare genetic anamoly or starving yourself and therefore starving your baby as well. I lost a TON of weight with my first baby just by breastfeeding- and I was certainly eating high calorie foods and LOTS of them! I was ravished all the time and ate to accommodate that. My baby was a big chunky girl and healthy as a horse.

Now I’m still nursing the oldest and of course the youngest. You’d think the weight would just have fallen off. But four months out and I still have 10lbs of extra baby weight hanging around. And that’s with nursing TWO! I think it’s just all about your genetics, metabolism, hormones, etc. And of course your activity level. My first was born in summer so I was out more than I was in the wintertime when my youngest was born.

Maybe she forgot that a lot of the recent celebrities talking about nursing taking off weight are young mothers and your metabolism does slow down as you get older. Maybe there’s more to young motherhood than Salma thinks! ;)

Alice on

Each to their own, each person is different and entitled to their own personal opinions. I had my children (planned) at 20 and 23, and I feel that was right for me personally. Other people may not necessarily agree, but it’s my life and that’s all that matters. Salma is happy with her life, so who are we to judge or nit-pick at how she views life? As long as everyone is healthy and happy, isn’t that all that truly matters?

Renee on

Jamie, not everyone wants to get married. Accept it and move on. I’m tired of marriage being pushed down people’s throat. If you think marriage is great, fine but don’t judge people who have kids pre-marriage or don’t get married at all. Also, people need to calm down and watch the interview. It’s like some people around here think they are experts at what makes a great mother and dare to judge someone who has a different view point. Women are just so mean to each other for no good reason.Sure there is basic knowledge passed among people about parenting but each child and situation is different.

Rosalie on

I was just thinking maybe the reason she didn’t have a child till now is because she never met the right person. So it’s very possible she would have had a child earlier if the right person was in her life.

I also believe it’s different for different women some women are meant to be young mothers,some are meant to be mothers in their 30′s and some are meant to in their 40′s.

I have to say though she was lucky to conceive in her 40′s as their are many women who struggle to conceive at that age. So it isn’t always a good thing to wait.

That being said i was a mother at 23 and was definitely the right age for me especially due to my health issues as it it’s alot easier on my body than if i were older.

I do love Salma and she has a gorgeous baby and she was just talking about what it’s like for her, i’m sure she wasn’t wanting to criticize others.

Shmoo on

I read the label “judgemental” on this blog alot, and comments about fellow bloggers thinking they’re “perfect mothers”. It appears to be the catch-all response by those who are experiencing what could be called defensiveness-by-proxy.

I would like to point out that just as interviewees have the right to make statements and have opinions, so do we as readers. I believe strongly that I can be an imperfect mother and hold an opinion at the same time. I can also respond to someone else’s opinion and still have overall respect for the person I’m responding to.

Additionally, I believe that we as readers are free to have emotional reactions to statements made by others. If a reader feels hurt by another person’s statements that relate to their own life experience, that is normal. It is unrealistic and unempathetic to demand that others not have opinions or have emotional reactions.

sil on

“it’s a bit disappointing that she was disappointed when she thought the baby might be a boy. All babies are blessings”

——————————————-

yes, all babies are blessings but is normal to have a preference, imo.
I wanted, since I was a child, to have a baby girl, and I was hoping to have a girl during my pregnancy, and she was and i’m sooo happy! Now I’m pregnant again, and my husband wants a boy, and i would love to have another girl….but that doesn’t mean that if i have a boy i will love him less! that’s silly….is just that since i have a sister that is my best friend, it will be nice for my daughter to have a sister, that’s all, but is obvious that all babies are blessings, but i hate when people is not honest, because i know everyone has a preference, and is not a big deal to say what do you prefer.

I’m not fan of Salma, but I love this interview! and I think she speaks a very nice english, with a mexican accent, but she speaks clear so i don’t think, as somebody said before, that she can be misunderstood because of the language.
And…is sooo true what she said about breastfeeding and losing weight!

kaya on

wow, so many comments… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for calling her arrogant in the first place. I have to admit, I never really liked Salma, let alone Oprah, so my opinion is biased to say the least. plus, I can’t watch the interview (my sound doesn’t work), I’m sure it’s different.

Besides, honestly? I don’t care that much for what Salma says, I’m more interested in her ridiculously gorgeous little girl;))))

Anyway, very interesting to read everyone’s experiences as a young mother.

Danielle, Celebrity Baby Blog Publisher on

While I agree with Salma’s healthy view on the time it takes to lose her pregnancy weight, I have to totally disagree with her statement that the reason women lose weight when breastfeeding is because they’re not eating. I can personally testify that I ate MORE when I was nursing and I still lost a ton of weight. In fact, 35 pounds over the course of Anya’s first year (of course that includes about 10 pounds of Anya and placenta and water immediately after her birth). I know a number of other people who lost weight while breastfeeding too and I know they were eating healthily.

There seem to be women who lose weight while breastfeeding and those who don’t seem to lose any weight OR at least those last 5-10 pounds until they stop breastfeeding.

And by the way, when you are nursing exclusively (not supplementing with formula or giving solid food for most of their meals), you need about 500 additional calories per day, compared to needing an additional 300 calories a day when you are pregnant. I don’t know why all women wouldn’t lose weight if they ate as they did prior to pregnancy- I am guessing that it’s a metabolism thing. I’m going to get a comment from a lactation consultant so I can provide more substantial information.

I just wish that she hadn’t said it was a lie just because she was one of those women who don’t lose weight when breastfeeding. It’s not a lie, it’s just not her experience.

kaya on

Just wanted to add something… I agree that it’s frustrating to hear that talk about ‘setting a bad example for young people’ whenever a celebrity has a child out of wedlock. It gets old, especially because, honestly, I don’t like Salma, but I wouldn’t call her anything, but a strong, independent, extremely smart and successful actress and business woman who, I assume, knows very well what she wants out of her life, where her priorities are… And she found herself a good man by all accounts to fulfill her wish to become a mother at a time when she decided was right, so how on earth is she setting a bad example? I find it really irritating that this is even brought up.

There is SO much more to worry about in terms of bad role models these days and, honestly, in a place like Hollywood where most people are divorced four times at Salma’s age… I just don’t get it.

As I said, I don’t really like her, but I still can say that, if anything, she is setting a VERY GOOD example as a whole, in terms of ambition and so on.

Keri on

Well, I have been married since I was 19(almost 12 years now) and I have 4 boys the first one was born when I was 20 and the last was born when I was 26. I have missed out on NOTHING. I would not sacrifice one poopy diaper or one sleepless night for frat parties and random sex with strangers. No thank you.

My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years now. In 15 years if Salma can say the same about her and Francois(highly unlikely) then I might give some weight to her “opinions”.

Jay on

I watched this episode at home and Salma wasn’t arrogant at all during the interview. Having kids is hard and she just stated that she feels for young mothers. Because of course she was 23 at one time and she knows where she was at mentally at 23 and couldn’t fathom having a kid at that age. It was just her opinion…everyone is entitled to one but in no way did she come off as being arrogant nor did she generalize all young mothers. She was speaking from experience as a new mother at 41. I wish her all the best. You can tell she loves and enjoys being a mother!!!

kemp on

i’m sure some of her comments will offend people, but i’m glad she was completely honest about things.
i’m one of those people that did lose all of my pregnancy weight, plus some, from breastfeeding. i breastfed for 19 months, so it came off slowly but healthfully. it can be done. people just need to be patient.

chris on

I think she was just explaining her experiences, from her perspective. There are pros and cons to everything: being a younger mom, being an older mom, being married, not being married, having a girl, having a boy, working outside the home, being a stay-at-home mom, etc. It’s only natural to emphasize the pros and minimize the cons of our personal decisions; many of the posters here have actually done the same if you read through the comments. All in all, most people are probably happy with whatever situation they experienced. So give Salma a break! :)

LisaR on

‘Sitting on a throne of judgment’? Did some of you criticizing Salma actually watch the interview? I just don’t understand how people could possibly get so offended by what she said!

At no point was Salma dictating to young mothers. She was speaking about her own personal experience and at no point did she bash young mothers. She just meant there was so much SHE still wanted to do at that age and had SHE had a baby at 23 it would have been difficult for HER to do them. I don’t see what’s so offensive about that. I certainly wasn’t offended. I don’t see this as her ‘sitting on throne of judgment’ at all. She was speaking about HERSELF. The sad thing is had she been 23 right now and had given birth and was out immediately afterwards, making back to back movies, traveling through Europe, dating whomever she wanted and partying, the argument would have been different. THEN she’d have been a bad mother.

The truth is when you have a baby there are some things you just can’t do, at least for a while, and whether we want to admit it or not, we all KNOW IT. How does admitting that mean you have no ambition?

SHE chose to do what she wanted before dedicating her life to a baby. More power to her. If the young mothers on here who are so quickly incensed have people in their own lives who are judging them, put THOSE people in their place…not Salma. She was not speaking to you.

I just find it so heartbreaking that we as women still insist on knocking every single thing another woman says or does that we disagree with. I’m still ashamed that Soleil Moon Frye and Melissa Joan Hart had to address raging arguments about THEIR choices that took place on this blog. And it seems like we still don’t get it.

Sadly those who accuse Salma of judging seem to be much closer to being guilty of this themselves. I just can’t believe the number of judgmental women frequenting this blog and picking apart the statements, actions and choices of others.

momtoone on

I don’t think that everything she said was bad. But the ONLY part I got a little… irritated?… about is the part about the breastfeeding and losing the baby weight. I don’t think that breastfeeding works for everyone to lose weight. It worked for me, but I was also 24 years old, and had gained 30 pounds. Some people it doesn’t work that way for. But to say: “Except for a couple of exceptions, the only reason people lose weight like that when they’re breastfeeding — it’s cause they’re not eating and they’re breastfeeding. And this is not good for the baby.” is so awful!

IT CAN work for people, just not everyone. I have great metabolism, and always have, and I’m sure that had a lot to do with it. But I didn’t diet, and definitely didn’t exercise, and was back down to pre-pregnancy weight by 6 weeks post-partum. I wasn’t trying, I didn’t care (in fact, I was hoping to keep on a few pounds, I was a bit gangly to begin with) if I lost it, it just happened. I think it would be safer for her to say something like this:
For some people, it may work, but it didn’t for me.

It IS stupid to say that it will work for everyone, but she came off very defensive, harsh and rude towards those that it happened to. We all know metabolism changes with age, and like she said, she was 41 when she had her…. I know by 41 my metabolism will be very different, and I’m sure if I had a baby then, my weight wouldn’t just slide right off. But I’m not going to say that people who DO lost weight quickly are not eating, and it isn’t good for the baby.
Ok, I’ve said my peace.

UmmAddan on

I’ve only watched the video highlights and it seems to me that she thinks taht she’s right 100%

she’s not looking at our people percepective or considering different situations
.
I had my son at 19 and i am now 24 with 3 small children. i love it! no way can she say at 23 you still want to do other things and at 41 everything is out of your system! thats pathetic! if its so out of your system then stop going on shows and getting headlines in magazines!! just stay at home and spend time as a housewife!
ITS NOT OUT OF YOUR BLOODY SYTEM.

i hated it when she said that.

BUT on the other hand she was nice on the show, she didnt sound bitchy or anything, she was quite funny.
she just doesnt know what she’s talking about!

Aj on

Keri…I could not agree MORE!!! I had my first (and only) son at 20. He is now 2 1/2 and I must say, i did some partying in high school and got it OUT of my system. It was never my thing. I wanted to be a mom. In my opinion it is not right for Salma and other women to have children in their 40′s. While it may work for them, I believe it to be mean that when your child is in college you will be in your 60′s! Its unfair to a child. Most of my friends parents had them at a young age and they said that they wouldnt change that for the world. Let us not forget, we are most fertile and able to have children from 18-22. Their is a reason why older women have such a hard time conceiving.

Morgan on

LisaR:
I suggest you re-read my comment. I made those statements in direct response to another poster’s comment; not Salma’s. As a matter of fact, I went out of my way to repeatedly point out that we as women have the right to make decisions that we feel are our personal best. My ire was directed at those women who DO preach that what they’re doing (no matter what it is) is best for every other woman. Read slowly and carefully before you blast and take PORTIONS of my comment out of context.

LaurenT on

It just seems so odd to see comments like ‘arrogant’ and ‘judgemental’ and of defensiveness of justifying ones choices, then those same postings turning around and slamming someone’s elses choices (Salma’s). That, in itself, seems ‘arrogant’ and ‘judgemental’.

Particularly because Salma never said young mothers are bad or not devoted to or happy with their children and lives. She spoke about how happy and content she was at her age vs. how she felt in her twenties. Using a nonspecific ‘you’ in general conversation is a generally accepted conversational tool.

Her overall tone was congenial, light-hearted, and self-directed. It’s a bit disheartening that the tone of most of those who disagree, is the exact opposite.

It seems to me that to write about how happy you are with your choices and how offended you are that someone (an older women) would ‘judge’ you, yet then continue on to pass judgement on women who have children later in life, or on Salma in this interview… is basically doing exactly what you are offended by.

Just my opinion, of course.

meghan on

the weight thing- i lost all my pregnancy weight in 2 weeks then put it back on when i started eating crap. wish i had started to work out then because now i’m fighting to get it off over a year and a half later.

the age thing- maybe she’s just trying to make herself feel more secure for waiting so long. 1- alot of women can’t have kids at 41 and don’t have the money to try fertility treatments. 2- the rest of her statement is hogwash. you can definitely appreciate and enjoy your children at a young age.

Pam on

I had my first two children at 21 and 23. I had my third child at 33. I feel I am and was a good mother to all three but I feel I am more relaxed, calm and patient with this child than I was with the other two and I believe it does have to do with my age and maturity level. Just my personal experience.

Sanja on

Ok, just my two cents worth.

First, about the breastfeeding comment, I tend to agree to a point. For women of Salma’s built (like me) just breastfeeding doesn’t work. It also takes a lot of exercise and after I stopped breastfeeding I had to lower my calorie intake by half. But, I know many women who lost the weight in 2-3 months after birth without problem, BUT those are women that are naturally slim and have never had to work hard to be in shape (again, unlike me) and I believe that they would have lost the weight even if they were not breastfeeding (also know a few of those).
But I agree with Salma that there are women who diet/work out like crazy and then claim that it was just breastfeeding. Brooke Burke is one example I can think of, the diet she mentioned, has too low calorie intake for a nursing mother (it’s a great diet for me, and I’m not nursing and have 10 pounds to loose).

Second, I agree that women tend to be better and calmer with motherhood (not all, of course) after they have had time to live a bit (travel, party) on their own as adults and after they achieve their career goals (finish university, get a good job, etc.), and no one can dispute that having financial security that comes with a better pay check and a better job is in the child’s best interest. OF COURSE, that only applies to women who want those things in life (like me), if you only want to be a mother and not have a career (which is great, but in most countries it is hard to raise 2 or more kids on one pay check and in careers like acting you have to do it while young). I don’t think that waiting till your 40s is a good idea (biology does make certain demands), but I believe that late 20s and early 30s are the optimal time to start a family (of course that only applies to my cultural/economic, etc. situation, which is much different that the average Americans).

Elle on

I Love and appreciate Salma’s honesty and candid talk about motherhood and post baby weight-loss.

Most celebs continuously “sugar-coat” motherhood to be the easiest job in the world and I love that Salma seems real and not fake.

We should not judge her opinions.

Sami on

Wow, I felt the same way as her about the sex of the baby. I thought about how much harder it is to be a woman than a man, and I also thought a boy would be easier. Both my husband and I wanted a boy. (Even though I had a prior miscarriage and trouble getting pregnant, so I know I should have been thrilled with either, still deep down I felt like I preferred a boy).

At our 12-week ultrasound the doctor told us he was 97% sure we were having a girl. I hadn’t expected to learn the sex so early, and I would have thought I would be disappointed. But instead I was instantly happy I was having a girl. I can’t explain why. Over the next 8 weeks I wondered if the doctor was maybe wrong and thought that I would be disappointed if it turned out we were having a boy. At my 20-week ultrasound the doctor confirmed again we were having a girl. I was so happy.

Now that my baby is here I am so happy she is a girl and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. If we ever have another child, I think I would prefer another girl. Although I’m sure I’d love a boy just as much. :)

Kudos to Salma for being honest about her gender preferences. Deep down I think a lot of people have them but feel guilty about it. I know I did.

brooke on

I watched the interview, and I don’t think she came off arrogant at all. I found her to be very honest in what she felt. First of all it’s not like she said I’m a better mom because I’m 41 than girls in their 20′s. She said for her she felt this was the perfect time to have a child, because sometimes at say 23 you don’t really appreacaite having a baby. And if you think about it makes sense. When people have kids young, you don’t have much time to think and really desire a child because your still young and a lot of the time you haven’t experience a lot in life yet, the way someone like salma and say marcia cross has. Personally I would never by choice wait till 41 to start trying to have a child, because god forbid your not one of the lucky people that can get pregnant, you than don’t have that much time to really explore your options, plus I don’t really like the idea of being 51 with my first child being only 51. But I think salma seems like a very sweet, smart, and nice lady, and she seems happy with her daughter. As for the breastfeeding, it’s good to hear a celebrity say all the weight doesn’t come off just because your breastfeeding, especially when your like salma and gain a lot of weight. I can see someone who maybe only gained 20lbs and is breastfeeding, say the weight came off easy, because 20lbs is nothing when pregnant, but for most people I know who gained sat 45-50 and were breastfeeding, the weight didn’t just fly off and they stood with an extra 10-15lbs until after they stopped breastfeeding, unless they were really eating healthy stuff like brooke burke and working their butt off. Salma’s baby is so beautiful, one of the cutest celebrity babies and her name is so pretty. As for salma and her fiance’s relationship, marriage is personally my choice when kids are involved, but you see plenty of people like salma, angelina jolie, etc, who don’t seem to feel the pressure for it,so to each is own. And seeing salma on HDTV, her skin looks much younger than 41 and her body looks good too.

Lydia on

Ok, so this is my first time commenting on something, but I wanted to put my nose in:
I agree with Morgan & I agree with LaurenT. People need to look at the things they’re saying and regard the decisions made by others as personal decisions. Not to take everything someone else says as passing “judgment” but to agree that individuals make decisions based on their personal feelings as what is right for them.
I do, however, disagree with Sanja’s assumption that every woman in her late 20′s or early 30′s is more economically able to take care of a child than a younger woman. I’m 24 with a 3yr old and I make more than other women at my company 10-15 years older. It seems those sweeping statements can tar people unfairly, so consider that.
I’ll get down off my soapbox now.

Yonni on

When I first READ the interview here, a few of the comments jumped out at me as possibly rude assumptions. However, then I watched the little clip and got a totally different vibe. I think you need to watch the clip to get the full effect.

Her daughter, Valentina is so beautiful. I think that Salma is a great actress, and has overcome a lot to get where she is today.

I had my first daughter at 24, and my next child at 26. I do not regret having them at that age. It was a great age for me. However, for some that have a “wild” streak, or like to travel, or want a career then obviously they might want to wait until they are a bit older so they can settle down. I think it is a very personal, individual decision. Plus, neither of my chldren were planned pregnancies, but I don’t regret them for one second.

Lisa on

Does anyone think that maybe the reason Salma didn’t lose any baby weight was because she was 41 when she had her first baby!!! The older you get isn’t it harder to lose weight because of your metabolism?

J.M. on

AJ – I simply don’t get this comment:

“While it may work for them, I believe it to be mean that when your child is in college you will be in your 60′s! Its unfair to a child.”

How is that selfish and unfair to your child? What happened if you tried to conceive a child for years and years and you happen to not have it happen until you were in your mid 40′s….so now your selfish for wanting a child because your thinking about how old you will be when your child graduates from school? Do you honestly think the kid is thinking “damn my mom and dad are old why couldn’t they have me younger” …sure a 60 year old may not be able to function like a 40 year old but who is to say they can’t. My nieces paternal grandmother is 75 years old and that woman has more energy to play with that child then I do at 25!!!!!

I think that if your ready to be a mom in your 20′s GREAT…if your not and you’d rather wait to get more things out of your system before you settle down that’s great too! Me personally if I was married I may be ready to settle a bit however I still have a degree to finish and few places to travel before I decide to settle down to be a mom.

I don’t think Salma was being rude. She simply was saying for her she feels better as a mother now then she probably would have if she were in her 20′s.

Everyone has to analyze things to no end!! sheesh!

Annie on

I don’t think 23 is all that young. By 23, I graduated from college and was half way through professional school, travelled internationally, and had been living on my own for several years. By then, I was all-partied out from my college years. I was also in a good place financially-speaking. There are people who are 30 who have not achieved all of these goals. You cannot judge another person’s situation based on your own. Several years later, I don’t think that I would appreciate motherhood more or be a more selfless mother now than when I was 23. Now, if you asked about when I was 19/20…that would be a whole other story. My point is that “older” mothers should not judge “young” mothers for their personal decisions–just because you were immature at x age, does not mean all women were immature at that age too.

There are tons of good reasons for having kids younger: 1) more time to correct possible fertility issues, 2) more energy for young children, 3) tend to be more adaptable to new situations, 4) career: having babies when you are in the throes of a high-powered career is more difficult than having school-aged children, 5) better fertility and just biologically better etc. etc. I did not go the “young” mom route, but I can see the virtue in it.

Evelyn-Miami on

I have been tryng to stay away from commenting because lately, the comments are not fun to read they are judgemental and very argumentative, but just need to say something, as a 41 year old mother of 3 kids, one being born when I was 19, then 24 and now 39. I want to tell you that I have enjoyed them all. It’s not about a paycheck it’s about love and being there for them and being a good mom. I was just as good a mom at 19 then I am today. Do I cherish more the times now? Yes, because I know how fast they grow. Being a mother is instinct whether you are a good one or not is up to you and how you make it work. For those older moms that never had the opportunity to have them younger, it was perhaps their choice or not the right partner.Lets not criticize them.

Kelley on

Danielle. I understand Salma said lie but I think she just meant for her and her experience she viewed it as a myth as it didn’t work for her.

I mentioned in a post above that I exclusively breastfed my daughter for 20 months. She obviously got solids but not a drop of formula or even a bottle. She fed around the clock for the first few months. For the first month or two I rarely ate. I lost my appetite after I had my daughter. That returned and I ate healthy and I ate the calories that were required. But I did not lose my baby weight. Barely lost any at all. Yet I would read in every parenting book and hear other mom’s on TV talk about how breastfeeding is the best way to lose the weight.

When I heard Salma say she disagreed with that I clapped. I can’t describe how frustrating it was to read all the time I should be losing the weight and I wasn’t. It got to the point I actually thought I was doing it wrong because I was not losing the weight and felt like a failure.

It is really refreshing to hear a celebrity mom come out and say she disagrees with that notion. I think there are two sides to every story and sometimes all we hear is the one.

I look forward to hearing what you find out about from the lactation consultant. This is one issue with motherhood that has always puzzled me. Thanks! :)

pinayhekmi on

I’m sure this has been commented on before but boy am I hopping mad right now. I breast-fed exclusively, and I DID NOT eat too little so I could lose weight and engander my baby. So arrogant. Just because it didn’t work for her, doesn’t mean that mothers who breastfeed and lose the weight they gained quickly is eating little.

BFing burns an extra 500 calories or so a day. Perhaps for women who gain more than the recommended weight, or who’s body chemistry is off, may have trouble but…whatever, she’s too much.

Sarap tirisin (Filipino expression)

Aj on

J.M. I can explain my comment if you would like although, I thought I was pretty blunt in my first. Yes it is mean to have your children so late in life IMO. It is also selfish in my opinion. There is no possible way that you could have the energy or be in tune with social norms at that age like a younger mom can. In other words, you would be completely out of the loop with your child in their middle and high school years. This is reality J.M. and everyone including ME is intitled to their opinion. Everyone is continuously knocking younger moms for the choices that WE make. Why then is it not okay for me to disagree with an older moms choice?

amber on

AJ – aren’t you being just as judgmental (even moreso) by saying it’s “mean” to become a mother in your 40′s?

That is a ridiculous notion. Some women don’t find a man that is a decent partner and father until then. I’d rather my kids have a few quality years with me than many terrible years with me because I was in a hurry to be a young mom, and possibly settled for a mediocre partner.

Please re-read before you click “post.”

Pot to Kettle “you’re black!”

Carol on

Just because I’m 40 doesn’t mean that I can’t take care of a baby/child as well as if I was 23. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. At what age exactly does one lose all their energy and get out of tune with social norms? I have plenty of energy and my young child does not suffer because of my elderly status. I realize it is your opinion but it is very offensive and when you hit 40 I’d like to see if you change your mind. Good Lord, it’s as if I have one foot in the grave. Just because you’re 23, you are not guaranteed a longer life than I am at 40. You can die tomorrow and leave your child while I could live well into my 90′s and be around for mine. Please!

Nicole on

Salma looks fabulous, thanks for posting the interview, I enjoyed it…she seems very happy. Good luck to her!

J.M. on

AJ surely your entitled to your opinion and I’m not trying to disrespect your comment but I think many mothers in their 40′s could also disagree.

How can you be out of the loop? They’re your kids! The only way you would be out of the loop is if you have no interest in your child’s life whatsoever!

I know many mothers in their 40′s and they are very aware of what’s going on in their children’s lives just as much as the one’s that I know who are in the early 20′s? This is perhaps YOUR reality and not the reality of many!

I would never knock anyone for when they decide to have a child. What I am sick of is young mom’s knocking older mom’s for when they choose to settle down and be parents. AS if it’s a crime to not want to start raising children until your older!

Maybe I find it more disrespectful because I work in childcare where I know many mothers who could not conceieve and had to go through years and years of IVF to get their children. Mothers who couldn’t conceive and had to adopt but it took years to save up to do it. How are they being selfish for fullfilling a need and desire to be a mother?

My mom’s best friend got pregnant when she was 45 (already had 4 kids). Sure she wasn’t expecting it but what was she supposed to do? Get rid of it because she felt that she would be too old to raise it? Every circumstance is different and every person is different. In your eyes you may see it as selfish but I bet you I can find MANY woman who would think that there are plenty of younger mom’s who are being selfish by having kids when clearly they’re not ready!

That of course is only MY opinion!

C.c. on

Why are so many of you ragging on her? So what. she waited a long time to have kids. Personally speaking I had kids at a young age and than at a older age. my kids range from 22-2 and i started at 19. No matter what age you are it’s work. Nobody is better, nobody right.. We each choose how to raise our kids the best way possible. Do you all take everything people tell you to heart? Leave her alone.. Everyone lives their own lives, and loves their own way. I love her as a actress and I respect that she waited to have her daughter when she was going to be able to enjoy her and give her the attention she deserves.. Ease up everyone.. She’s only human and she has a right to her opinion, just like everyone else..

Kara on

Jamie- Thanks for pointing out the need for a child to have both its parents in the sanctity of marriage. Science speaks for itself in such matters. The most recent studies on healthy child development have supported a good marriage as being paramount to a child’s welfare. Also, there is other info about marriages that are overall good for society.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucmg/20080325/cm_ucmg/mentoringprogrammaysaveabadmarriagebeforeitbegins
Keri- well put.

Sheba on

I think it’s ridiculous to say a mother will be too old and not have the energy at 60 to keep up with a teen when this country has so many grandparents raising their grandchildren and doing amazing jobs. And while it may not be a choice for grandparents to be parents to their grandkids, they have certainly stepped up to the task and raised the bar on caring for children. I know plenty of grandparents and older moms who are fit, healthy, tech savvy, and up on this X, Y, Z or whatever letter we’re on generation. And while generation gaps exists as far as pop culture and history, love, discussion, understanding between the generations always bridges the gap. I’m only 17 years older than my oldest son and even in that span of time we have a generation gap. I grew up with the invention of hip-hop and I have no clue about this rap music my kids play in their room.

I was a young mom and I do not recommend to anyone to become a mom before they are ready financially, emotionally, and physically. I readily admit that I was a dumb as a box of hammers, didn’t get to do the things I wanted to do, and I’m envious of my friends who have achieved great success in the workplace. My consolation are my two kids who are pretty great but way from perfect and I get to live a little bit vicariously through them.

I also agree with the poster that Selma meant myth instead of lie. My half Mexican/half Chinese friend often will replace myth or a similar word with the word lie.

I also agree that all these celebrities saying they lost all the weight through breast-feeding are suspect. I work around celebrities and have seen them say one thing to the press that they lost the weight breast-feeding but behind close doors the basically refuse to eat and exercise like maniacs. They feel like if they take a vitamin and drink Ensure the baby is getting what they need. My personal trainer, who trains a celebrity we see on this board chuckles when he hears the standard lines…I lost the weight by breast-feeding….my body just naturally snaps back after I give birth…I never diet, I simply eat healthy….I lost the weight chasing after my kids…meanwhile they can’t wait until they stop breast-feeding the kid so they can get on the latest and greatest diet pill. My body did snap back after I had both my kids, but I attribute that to still being a teen with an underdeveloped body. Now that I’m in my 30s and my metabolism has slowed down, I seriously doubt if I had a baby now the baby weight would just fall off like magic from breast-feeding. I’m counting on what my trainer says. It takes you 9 months to gain the weight. It will take you about 12 to 18 months to lose it. To me that sounds realistic.

CelebBabyLover on

Aj- I have to agree with J.M. To be perfectly honest, I think your comment was very unfair, in more ways than one. First of all, as J.M. stated, women don’t always wait until 40 to have a child because they choose to. For some, they were basically forced to wait that long, because they and/or their partner struggled with infertility. Should a woman be denied having a very much wished-for child at 40 just because she was unable to concieve earlier?

Also, you were generilizing when you talked about older moms not having as much energy as younger ones. I know plenty of people 60 and over who have the energy of a person half their age!

Finally, not all kids are going to resent their parents for having them when they were older. For example, my mother’s parents were older when they had her, and I know she doesn’t resent them for it.

Carol on

I hate to tell you but when your children are teens they are going to think you are out of the loop. It’s what most teenagers think of their parents anyway. Doesn’t matter if their parent is 35 or 60….how many times do they say Mom you just don’t understand?

Maria on

I breastfeed and eat like a pig and am still between 10-15 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight, and I think that Ms. Hayek’s statement about starving oneself to lose the weight is rather naive. Her way works for her. My way works for me.

Lara on

LisaR, I couldn’t agree more with what you said above. :)

Carmen on

I used to love Salma because she is a very talented actress and also being hispanic, I always admired how she got to the top while remembering her roots. However, I didn’t like this interview and I felt a “better than thou” vibe from her, I think it’s somewhat normal when you first have a child and you think you know it all, but I disagree that being 23 you don’t enjoy your children, OR that losing weight while breastfeeding is “bad for the baby”. She says it so matter-of-factly, like it’s that way period. I think it’s great that she feels she’s at a wonderful place in her life at 41 to have a baby, good for her. But why put down people who have made different choices in life? I am 23, married for 6 years and have 2 kids. I am dedicated to my husband and children, breastfed both of them and to be honest, I don’t know if I lost weight while breastfeeding because I nursed my son for 2 years, so I don’t know if that’s just normal weight-loss in the 2 years after giving birth or if it was the breastfeeding. Still, I wouldn’t go on national TV and state something that I believe to be true when science proves otherwise. Studies HAVE shown breastfeeding helps the mom lose the baby weight, if you think about it it makes sense. You burn more calories with breastfeeding, regardless of physical activity.

Mel on

I have always liked Salma Hayek as an actress, but what she said bothered me as well. The possibility of someone hearing that (particularly on such a widely-seen TV show) and being less apt to choose to breastfeed is quite disturbing to me. It would be much more responsible to have said that *in her case*, it has not worked. I haven’t had time to read through all the comments, so if this is totally redundant, I apologize!

P.S. I don’t see the possibility of losing weight as a major reason to choose to breastfeed — just one of many great reasons to choose it!

Christy Israel on

I was glad when Salma mentioned that she didn’t lose weight by breast feeding. I breast fed both of my babies and the weight didn’t just melt right off like everyone says. It was kind of frustrating hearing that all the time. Everyone is different and our bodies don’t always work in the same way.

CM on

i like the comment someone made which basically states that we should learn how to express what has worked for us without criticizing someone else’s choice. I happened to have seen the interview and i felt the tone, even with all the smiles and laughter, was a little critical but i also felt that she may have been trying to defend herself against the choices she has made ( not getting married,having a partner that lives on the other side of the world, having a child later in life) that may not seem “right” to others. Im glad that she has found happiness but for her and many of the women that have posted comments we should learn how to share our stories without belittling someone else.

Amy J. on

I’ve always loved Salma and loved the interview. And I must commend her – you have to have a certain respect when someone appears before millions of viewers and expresses their honesty.

Yes, her way is not the norm and wouldn’t work for many people, but if it works for her, who cares? She had valid points about age and motherhood. I don’t agree with all of it and her relationship definitely wouldn’t work for my husband and I, but to each his own. That’s what makes the world go ’round, right?

I think Salma is gorgeous and more beautiful than ever.

Bloggie on

“In my opinion it is not right for Salma and other women to have children in their 40′s. While it may work for them, I believe it to be mean that when your child is in college you will be in your 60′s! Its unfair to a child.”

Not to be morbid but having your children in your 20s is no guarantee that you’re going to be around when they’re in college.

We’re all doing the best we can. I wish that we would give each other a break about our choices and circumstances. Society gives us enough of a hard time without women beating each other up.

P-Norway on

Being a mexican and growing up seeing Salma H being interviewed before one thing is for sure she has always been very assertive in any language and I don’t believe this is language barrier misinterpretation, this is basically the way she always comes across, true she could have chosen a different set of words to describe early motherhood and the challenges that that might imply- in a more empathetic sort of way- then again the modern mexican women fights generally with the social stigma that a woman needs to be married and with kids in her twenties plus she has the right to express herself as she pleases. She has broken the mold for the latin women and has proven that with will there is a way. She is a very unique case, but there is a grater trend in Mexico for women to postpone also motherhood as they are discovering the advantages of being independent, self-sufficient, and more important, able to not care about when one marries or decides to have kids.

Bottom line early motherhood or late motherhood has pros and cons, a woman has always the option of continue to grow regardless, and not feel ashamed for the choices she made, rather look forward for the opportunities in front. Motherhood is a blessing at any age, recognizing the blessing is a different thing..

ZOOLANDER212 on

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ana on

I think salma looks so beautiful. I totally respect her personal opinion about motherhood.
Why is some people being so hard on her, she was honest and I don’t think she offended anyone.

Evy on

I dont think she was trying to judge. I think its her opinion on how SHE would have been as a mother at 23 compared to a mother at 41. Maybe SHE wasnt stable emotionally, physically, mentally.. i dont think she was trying to put down anyone else who is a young mother. And as for saying she felt disappointed when she found out it was a boy, WE CAN ALL AGREE WE HAVE OUR PREFERENCES FOR CERTAIN THINGS… maybe she just perferred it would be a girl just like anyone else would perfer vanilla over choclate. She didnt say she didnt want the baby if it was a boy, she just didnt perfer it. Finally about the weightloss… I mean everyone has different bodies.. so if some women do lose the weight quicker thats great if it takes time thats fine tooo.. ultimately after the baby is born the baby should be FIRST priority before any plans of weight loss… or anything else.

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