Opinion: CBB Reader S. wants moms of girls to be happy with what they have

03/24/2008 at 10:36 AM ET

CBB Reader S. had a strong reaction to the recent posts about celebrity moms of girls who have made statements about wanting a son and sent us this editorial:

Two_little_girls_smallI’ve noticed lately that there are a lot of articles about celebs who "want a boy!" (Brooke Shields) or are "we have waited all our lives for a son" (Brooke Burke). I find this slightly annoying, in the sense that it implies that having daughters and no sons is something regrettable. Why is this? I also feel compelled to say: we seldom, if ever, hear the opposite — mothers of sons wishing they had a daughter.

Throughout the ages, sons have been more valued than daughters for various reasons, some practical, some not-so-practical. However, we are in the eighth year of the second millennium. Why the continued, "We need a son to complete the family" sentiment, without any corresponding, "We need a daughter to complete the family" sentiment? Why is it that mothers of daughters feel compelled to say they want a son, whereas mothers of sons, even if they actually do want a daughter (and I know many of them do), feel compelled to stay silent?

Two_little_boys_smallI suppose you could say I have a personal stake in this. I don’t have any children myself, but I was born a second daughter to my parents. I wondered for a long time if my parents were disappointed that I was not a boy, until I learned that they actually expected me to be a girl, because I was their second child. It was my older sister that they expected to be a boy, and they were disappointed that she wasn’t. Although that made me feel good on one level, it  made me feel bad on another level. Why were they disappointed that my older sister was a girl? What is so bad about having a girl as your first child? What is so bad about having only girls?

Would it have been so bad if Brooke Burke’s fourth child was a girl? Some of the people who replied to her, "I’m having a son!" announcement sure seemed to think so: "I have a friend who was stuck with four daughters." Stuck with four daughters? Is having four daughters some kind of a curse?

In any case, I think that any birth, regardless of the gender of the baby, is a blessing. Daughters are just as precious as sons, as any infertile couple who would give anything for a baby of either gender would tell you.


What is your reaction to what Shelley wrote? Do you think moms of all girls are more likely to talk about wanting a boy than moms of all boys and if so, why? If you’re the mom of all girls or all boys, do you want to try to have one of the opposite sex?

FILED UNDER: News

Share this story:

Your reaction:

Add A Comment

PEOPLE.com reserves the right to remove comments at their discretion.

Showing 129 comments

aj on

Here here! I am with you on that one…I have two girls and actually wanted two girls! I was born in a family that gave me three older brothers and my mother didn’t want a girl…My father did however…I would like to now try for a boy now that I have had my two girls. I never had a sister and that is the one thing I wished for my oldest when we had her. (I wanted a girl when she was born too)…But I think to stick up for some of the ladies, They wanted something they didn’t have yet. In Brooke Burke’s case I think she just wanted one of each. I can’t say I blame her, because I myself find curiosity for boys and wondering what it would be like to have a boy. But I was very excited and bragged about my two girls too! lol
A.J.

Lisa on

As a mother to three great little boys I can honestly say I have no yearning for a daughter. Yet I get constantly asked “when are you trying for a girl.” then they are shocked at my lack of desire for one. I need to say I have a great relationship with my own mom so it’s not that. I just find boys easier. Several friends have girls and I see some of their struggles, that as a mom to boys I will never have to have. Also i’m a tomboy and my husband likes to joke it would be our luck to have a miss priss lol. I love my nieces but also glad to hand them back over to my brother. Now if I had been blessed with a girl, i’d love her to death and spoil her rotten, just as I have with my boys.

becki on

victoria beckham has three sons and would like a daughter, but i agree with you.

maz on

well if you are a mother of four daughters and wishing for a boy isn’t that being fair!
You want to see what its like to raise a boy, how a son will behave around his sister/s, if you encounter the same problems as you did with your daughters.
I think its rather stupid, you should get judged just by wishing you had a son.

Im asian as in the european sense (afghan, pakistani,indian) not the american sense (chinese, japanese etc) and my father wanted a girl and he got one, me! It all boils down to personal matters and opinions and we are entitled to those.

I say that if you support shellys view that moms of girls should be happy with what they have, which is rather RESTRICTIVE AND LIMITING, dont cha think?
Oh i have 3 girls i should stop having kids..
My auntie has 3 daughters around teen age and she has a son whose around 4, she and her husband have been trying for a very long time to have a son, and everytime they did they got a beautiful daughter but that didn’t mean they stopped, they still love their daughters and see their family as complete and my cousins love the fact they have a brother.

louise on

I have two boys and am pregnant with my third – i would like this one to be a girl – but we wont be finding out. If i do have another boy I wont be having any more thou!
x

TJ on

I don’t think it’s uncommon for parents of two boys to want a girl, or parents of two girls to want a boy. As far as the comment about being “stuck with” four daughters, I have a couple of friends who have three or four sons and get the same kind of comments. I don’t think it’s reserved only for parents of all girls.

Natasha on

You have to remember that these are celebrities we are talking about which make up a small percentage of the parents out there. I myself have 4 sons. I have said many times I wish I had a daughter. That is not to say that I don’t love my life and love my sons with all my heart. I know many families that have children of only one sex and wish they could have the experience of having the opposite sex. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love what they already have.

fay on

actually i hear it all the time…especially on this website… i heard melissa joan hart who has two boys say she wants a girl… victoria beckham has said that she and david may possibly try for a girl, and that she does indeed want a girl…

if u go to the melissa joan hart website, there are even women snapping @ other women for being condescending and saying that every woman wants a girl… i don’t know…

i’ve studied gender comm quite a bit, and i see it from both sides… as a society we’ve done so much to bring girls to an equal status (as they deserve) as boys we’re kind of doing a disservice to boys by almost throwing them under the bus…

i think it’s important for families to be happy… i’m not a mother yet, but i want both gendered children… i’d like 6, and to have one or two girls, and 4-5 boys… that’s not because i don’t like girls… i LOVE girls best… but my family is so girl heavy, the name is going to be out… soon.. it maybe silly to you… not so much to me…

don’t get me wrong, i’m not negating your opinion… i think it’s a valid argument… i just think it’s a bit… i don’t know… wrong…

i cld get into a bunch of statistics and all that other stuff but i’m not trying to write another thesis… that’s not particularly fun, if you’re not being graded… but yeah…

my $0.02

Sarah’s note: The thing about Melissa seems to have gotten spun way out of context for whatever reason. Her exact quote was, “We would love to have a little girl to spoil, but we would also love for Mason to have a little brother, so we aren’t picky this time about the sex.”

And she’s also said they’re planning on 1-2 more kids so there are more chances for either. I haven’t really gotten the comments that have come up on the other posts.

MB on

I feel like there are several celebrities with only sons who have said that they would like a girl. I think that the women talking about wanting a son just want to experience both genders. I don’t have children yet and while I really want a girl, I’d also like to have a boy. I really don’t agree that the celebrities are somehow devaluing their daughters by also wanting a son, or vice versa. I do agree that comments like “stuck with 4 daughters” are a sad way to look at things. I wouldn’t mind having all my children be one gender. I would also NEVER tell my children “oh, we were hoping you’d be the opposite gender.”

Courtney on

I have to agree with what she said. I am a mom to 3 beautiful daughters. All we ever heard was,”when ya gonna try for that boy??” I’m not saying it was once or twice, but on a daily basis,the grocery store, at a fair, at the doctor’s. I mean EVERYDAY. When we decided to have another child, I kinda hoped for another girl. After all, I couldn’t love a boy any more than I love my girls. Well, in June we had a son. I adore him, just like my girls. My girls adore him, a real life baby doll. My family is complete, because we had a 4th CHILD…not because we had a first SON. Our desire was strictly to have another child. Period. Now all the comments we get are “Are ya done now that you have your boy?” and I tell them we are done because we had our 4th child. I also tell people that I was thankful to have another child at all due to many miscarriages and I’m blessed with all of my children, regardless of gender.

Heather on

I have a son, and I am hoping that my next child is a girl. I think that a lot of women want at least one child of each gender, and there is nothing wrong with expressing that you want a boy if all of your children are girls or that you want a girl if all your children are boys. I believe that Shelley has over-reacted to the statements that have been made. I don’t think Brooke Burke, for instance, would have been any less enthusiastic if she had another girl. As she said (Shelley), she doesn’t have any children, so she doesn’t exactly know what a women thinks when they are expecting a child for the first time or the fifth time. She definitely should not be so judgmental of the desires, wants, or wishes of others.

Marie on

I know a family that has been blessed with 3 beautiful girls. Their father as stated many times that they will keep trying for a boy. I always wonder how girls feel growing up in a family like this.

Liesl78 on

I guess in the past we’d hear couples wanting to have a son to carry on the family name. But I’ve heard both ways, always. Families with more than one gender hoping to have a different one.

I only have one son (most likely will not have any more children). I always wanted a boy because in my family, all babies were girls (seriously, my great-grandma alone had 7 daughters, no sons!). But once I learned I was having a boy, I was like “what do I do now? I only know how to play with Barbies” LOL. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Liesl78 on

Oh, just wanted to add: my parents had 2 girls and they always felt complete, despite other people’s comments they should try for a boy.

A close friend of mine and her husband had a baby girl. All her husband’s brothers have sons, and his brother turned to him and said “he wasn’t a man enough because he couldn’t produce a son”. I felt it was soooo out of line and wrong and disrespectful in so many ways.

I told my father and of course he was furious with that comment.

Dee on

I’m mom to two beautiful girls. Back when we were deep in the throes of infertility treatment (four years), I would have given anything for a healthy child of either gender (here here to Shelley’s closing comment) though I would reply I wanted a boy when asked (only because I remembered how rotten I was to my own mother in my teen years) if I had a preference.

Fast forward to my first pregnancy and a bad quad screen test result at about 14 weeks…a result that told us that our baby had a 1 in 20 chance of having a condition that would kill her shortly after birth, if not in utero. Talk about putting things into perspective–no longer did I want a boy, I truly just wanted a healthy child, boy or girl.

One amniocentesis later, we learned that she did NOT have this condition and that she was, indeed, a girl. I’ve never been happier to hear either statement–until I learned that our second was healthy and also a girl–talk about beautiful news🙂

We do get the obnoxious “are you going to try for a boy now?” comments but we planned on having two children so we’re absolutely satisfied with our girls.

Plus, I’m a woman now, was once a girl, know firsthand what girls think/do/act like/etc. so I’m dealing with familiar territory (though I know it’s different when you’re on the receiving end rather than the giving end) and am in my “zone” of comfort with girls. I’ve “been there, done that” in terms of being a girl which I think will come in very handy as we raise these two to be fabulous, happy, well-adjusted young women.

My husband likes to say from time-to-time that we should try for a third and that he’d love another girl. No dice though…baby health scares and NICUs will sometimes to that do you. I’ve aged more in this past year since #2 was born than I had in all my previous 38 years put together.

Pogue Mahone on

We have 11 kids, aged 18 to 1 year. (We are a devout Catholic homeschooling family.) We have 6 girls and 5 boys. Our first was a boy, and we wanted the second to be a girl(which she turned out to be!!). If the first had been a girl we would have hoped for a boy next.

I think parents just generally want to have both sexes, so once you have one you naturally hope for the other. At this point now if I had another baby (still possible as I’m 41, although maybe not since it took 4 years to get preggo with the youngest one!) it wouldn’t matter which sex since we have both, anyway!🙂

I must admit though, that the youngest is a boy and I was happy, as the last 3 in a row before him were all girls…but had they been 3 boys in a row instead then I would have hoped for a girl,too..

Abbey on

That’s not entirely correct. I can recall Jada Pinket-Smith saying that she and Will Smith would have as many babies as it took until she got her girl. Victoria Beckham has also stated her desire to have a girl. I know there were several others proclaiming their desire for daughters (Julianne Moore?), but I can’t recall who they were or when they occurred.

i think most people in general just want to experience what it’s like to have both a daughter and a son, while some people have absolutely no desire for a daughter when they have boys or a son when they have girls. It’s a personal choice that goes either way, regardless of gender. I have nannied and taken care of over a dozen families and, more often than not, a family with stop having children after they have a second child of the opposite gender of their first child. My mother, for instance, said she would have kept having children (even though her births were very traumatic for both her and my brother and I) until she had a daughter. However, my mother-in-law (as well as her sister) has three boys and has never in her life wanted a daughter (however, my husband only wants daughters, so go figure).

I think gender preferences depend a lot on the parent’s personality and disposition and the parent’s previous experience with children as well their experience with children of either gender. I also think people have a preconceived notion of their ideal family dynamic; therefore, a person’s “completeness” of a family usually depends on having a certain number of children and, in this ideal notion, each child is of a certain gender.

Just my opinion.

melanie on

I disagree about moms of sons not being verbal about wanting a daughter. It goes both ways. I think most people want to experience both sexes. Have you noticed that people who adopt tend to choose both sexes? (Angelina and Brad, Hugh Jackman, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kirstie Alley, Tom and Nicole, Rosie O’Donnell, Mary-Louise Parker). I think if most of us (if we had a choice) we would choose to have both. After our son was born, I wanted a daughter so badly. (We’re now on our 3rd daughter- haha- be careful what you wish for). I cannot go into how many moms of sons I know that are very verbal about wanting a daughter. It would take all day. But like I said, it goes both ways. A couple in our neighborhood used “sex selection” to have a son after 4 daughters. Of course, the only thing that really matters is a healthy child, but people can’t help but want it all.

LR on

i have 2 boys and find myself wishing i had a girl. i think it is unfair for people to judge by a comment like that. it’s not that they don’t love their children or “regret” of the gender they do, it seems like everyone wants something they don’t have. if i have 3 girls i’d wat a a boy too…..and if i had 3 boys i’d want a girl. i think this woman is being a bit sensitive and wait until she has 3 girls herself and finds out she’s pregnant again and finds her self wondering “what would a boy be like?”

JC on

They are allowed to feel how they want to feel about having a boy and a girl just like you are. That doesn’t give anyone the right to bash those feelings of “I would love a boy”. Plus I see plenty of celebs that have boys that hope for a girl but we seem to ignore them (I think Tracy Gold has said before she would love a girl at one point but she loves her boys just the same).

Komiel on

I am the mother of 3 daughters. They are 18, 7, and 6. I love my daughters and would not change them for the world. However I do think that it’s natural to wonder or even want a child of the opposite sex. With the pregnancy of my youngest daughter I just knew she was a boy until my first ultrasound and they told me she was a girl, I was a little disappointed but I got over it. Even though I had several ultrasounds (sonograms) and asked every time if it was still a girl, simply because I knew she would be my last pregnancy (child). Why do people think it’s alright to judge others about what they feel?
KO

hboulware on

I have a 13yr.old daughter that was supposed to be a boy ( three, count em’ three, ultrasounds said boy). While I was surprised I was not sad nor disappointed. However my Husband was very upset. We divorced about 18 mos. later and have had little contact and no child support since. I remarried a wonderful man when my daughter was 5. We have since had 2 children of our own. 1 boy and 1 girl. He has often stated that while having a boy to carry on the family name, He himself is the only boy on his fathers side, Is wonderful having daughters is equally awesome. I have to agree, as a mother to both sexes they are all great and equal. I am glad to have both.But healthy, happy, well adjusted kids is all any of us should ever want or strive for.

sigh on

Everyone who has more than one of either gender hears “Are you going to try for [opposite sex] now?” or “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sure you were hoping this one would be [opposite sex].” It has *nothing* to do with boys being more valued than girls historically. See Melissa Joan Hart’s recent threads if you don’t believe.

However, on a related tangent I would like to say that I am sick and freaking tired of hearing from mothers (not here but elsewhere on mommy forums) who are crushed when they find out they’re not having a girl. There seems to be no shame in this from the other mothers who understand because they always wanted girls too. Mothers who want boys seem to be in the minority, and the whiffs of sexism we get from other moms is annoying, if not infuriating.

Loralee on

I think many people wish for a mix of the sexes. I don’t see anything wrong with it. That’s not to say they’re not grateful and blessed with what they have. I do think that is obnoxious for people to say “when are you trying for a girl/boy.” Just like I think it’s rude to ask a couple “when are you having a baby.”

Natasha on

I have to say that I was very surprised reading this piece. Perhaps it is because my son is adopted, but in the world of adoption there is a saying that, “Families wait for girls, boys wait for families.” Little boys languish in orphanages the world over (including China) while families wait YEARS to adopt baby girls. Many countries have had to stop allowing families to specify a gender of child to adopt due to the overwhelming demand for girls. I am proud to be the adoptive mom of a BOY.

LOM on

Maybe it’s just because I’m so entrenched in the adoption world (our son came home from Ethiopia last November on his 2nd birthday), but I’m rather surprised to hear this. Almost every person who is adopting wants a girl, and there are some statistics backing this up but a quick perusal of any adoption forum can prove it. Waits for infant girls in some countries can take two years while healthy infant boys sit in orphanages and can be referred near instantly if someone will step forward and be willing to adopt them. Many agencies, ours included, do not allow you to request a girl unless you fit certain criteria, like only have a son or sons or adopting special needs kids. I have yet to hear of any agency putting criteria on adopting a boy, and every agency I’ve spoken to is more than happy to have you consider it. Browse just about any adoption blog and you’ll find people praying for their baby girl, hoping for a girl, talking about how much they want a girl. Sometimes this is when people have only sons but often it’s when people have no children at home, or do have daughters at home already.

It’s one of the big mysteries of adoption, why everyone wants a girl so badly. Honestly, if I’d had a choice I probably would have chosen a girl as well as I wanted a daughter as the oldest, though I’m more than happy with my son and would be very happy to have another son the second time around. I think people are clued in more when parents mention wanting boys than when they mention wanting girls, probably because wanting a boy brings up thoughts of sexism while wanting a girl somehow seems “anti-sexist”. I never gave it much thought until I realized the plight of boys in the adoption world and started listening to the people around me and realized that more people will admit to wanting daughters than sons. Honestly, at this point I’m glad to see anyone happy to have a boy.

aidansgirl05 on

I have a 2 year old son. When we were expecting him, everyone asked us “do you want a boy or a girl?” I wanted a girl… I look back now and can’t beleive how selfish i was being. I am so glad i had a boy, he’s my world, and i couldn’t imagine my life any other way. Six months after his birth, we found out we were again expecting. This time, when everyone said “i bet your’e hoping for a girl now.” I could honestly say it didn’t matter and i would be blessed either way. We finally found out that we were having another son. I was thrilled! Alot of my so called family made comments outright saying “we really wanted a girl”, and “oh, it’s just such a shame”.. Two weeks after the ultrasound that told us we had a son, the baby was stillborn. I cannot tell you how much it still stings, nearly a year and a half later. I was very unfourtunate to lose my youngest son, and I can’t even believe when things like that are a possibility (and no matter how your pregnancy goes, they are) people care so much about gender, instead of being thankful for a healthy child. All children are precious gifts, and while i don’t feel like it’s totally wrong to want a balance of gender in your family, if you really don’t want one gender you really shouldn’t be having children. A mother should open her arms and her heart regardless.

Mimi on

I think CBB reader Shelley is way overthinking this. I have a 16-month-old daughter, and she is going to be my only child. And, though my husband and I have made this decision together, and it is the best thing for us, I still get a little sad sometimes that I won’t get to experience having a son (even if we did have another baby, I could have another girl). It’s certainly not that I don’t appreciate having my little girl, because we ARE a couple who went through infertility treatments to conceive. It’s just a matter of wanting to know what it’s like to have the “other.”

I don’t personally see what the fuss is about.

MaryAnn on

I think it is a natural human thing to want what you do not have. As a mother of three boys, I would LOVE a daughter, but I would not trade any one of my sons for one. I totally understand that celebs will want a child of the gender they do not have. They aren’t saying that “girls are bad” or ” boys is better” they are just expressing that they love what they have, they’d just like the experience of raising a boy.

Amanda on

I’ll respectfully disagree 😉 I have actually met MANY more moms of boys who said they ‘want a girl’ than moms of girls saying they want a boy. I myself have two girls and if I were to have a third I would feel so incredibly blessed. I have wanted to be a mom to girls since I was a girl myself. My husband does want a boy, do I chastise him for those feelings? No way! If I only had boys I would want a girl, that doesn’t mean he loves our girls less or I would love my boys less, just that he would like to experience a son too. Yes, it is annoying. With the holiday yesterday we had the whole family asking when we were going to try for our son, but that is society. Mothers with large families face similar ‘discrimination’ our society views a boy and a girl as the perfect family. I do not, but I also have learned to accept that many people feel that way and what really matters is that I am happy with MY family.

Kathleen W. on

I was the opposite, I really wanted a girl when I found out I was pregnant because I have 4 brothers and have always been surrounded by boys. I also see how my adult-aged brothers have “abandoned” my family in favor of their wives/girlfriends’ families. So when I found out I was having a boy, I was a little depressed (and am a little ashamed to admit it because any baby truly is a blessing). But I have actually become excited about having my son (who is overdue right now). I think I am probably better prepared for a boy since I was raised with 4 of them.

Erica on

I am a mom to two girls, and love it that way! In fact, if we were to have another child, I’d want a girl again.

I would have been very happy to have a son, of course, but really was hoping for a girl during both pregnancies.

We’re constantly asked if we’re disappointed that our second was a girl, which just shocks me!

cheyenne on

I think in many cases, it is the experience of having both boys and girls that motivates parents to make statements of preference. I, for instance, am very satisfied having one of each, and can completely understand someone who has had multiple girls being curious about parenting a boy, and vice versa. As for the higher value being placed on boys, I have two thoughts. A) Duh. Everyone knows that and I doubt it will change, sadly. B) I hear a LOT of parents of boys just as eager to have a girl, it just sticks in our craw more to hear people “trying for a boy.” I agree that it’s a blessing either way, and that babies are babies, with no regrets. We have the children we’re meant to have.

Bugs on

What about Victoria Beckham who have said all over the world that she longs for a daughter. Or Tori Spelling who was so excited when told she’s having a girl that she immediately shared the news with the press?

I never saw it that way, that is, only one side. I did wanna comment after Brooke Shield’s comment.

I was gonna say that i always find it indeed annoying when parents try for another child ONLY because they’re “hoping” to have a child of the opposite sex of what they have.

This brings, in my opinion, a new child who comes to the world with a little “disappointment” from the parents if he/she doesn’t come out boy or girl depending on what they were hoping for.

So, yes, i agree that parents should appreciate the blessing of having a child, boy or girl. But i don’t think it applies only to girls.

chatty cricket on

I almost didn’t reply because my first thought was, “this is so ridiculous” but then I thought about it some more and though I might have something to add.

I know women who want nothing but girls, and who were heartbroken to find out they were having boys (only to fall madly in love with their children once they arrive), and I know very few women who go into pregnancy wanting boys. My first child was a girl and I couldn’t have been happier. My second child was a boy, and I was shocked (not disappointed) for no other reason than I never pictured myself having a son. Needless to say, I’m quite head over heels for him. Now I’m pregnant with my third and for the first time I find myself going back and forth between wanting a girl, and wanting a boy!

I feel like I hear so many more women express a want for a girl. But like someone else pointed out, if you have multiples of one gender, you might then hope for the opposite! Frankly speaking, I think all of the women quoted would love a child boy or girl, and I don’t see anything demeaning about expressing a want either way.

Linda on

i think it’s pretty normal to want to experience parenting children of both genders. i don’t really see a bias either way. i had a girl then a boy then another boy.

Jeanie on

my sister in law has 4 boys and just had her first girl and every time she was pregnant she said she wanted a girl more than anything and would keep trying until they had one.so i do not believe its only mama with all girls who say this. with that said im a mama of 2 girls and wanted them both to be girls. now im pregnant with a little boy due next month and my husband wanted a little boy, i was happy either way.

Lauren on

I am a mother of a beautiful little girl and I would LOVE another daughter!! What I also find funny is that my sister, mother of two boys (whom she WANTED as two boys), would LOVE to have a daughter. I also wouldn’t mind a son, because I have a daughter already. The fact is, I think its funny that so many people are bothered by the desire for any sex. If I was a mother for 4 girls like MY mother was I could understand for a change and wanting a boy, which my mother never got. Its not a huge deal. I am happy with whatever I get, and I think many many women are just like me. A happy healthy baby is always #1 on the list and of course every mom wants her dream family. Mine is 2 girls, but my sisters is 3 boys and a girl.. Everyone is different.

Jen on

My husband and I did an open adoption. After waiting so many years to be parents we knew we would be happy with a boy or a girl. I think that it all depends on your reference point for what you want. If my husband and I were able to give birth we probably would feel like we wanted a boy and a girl. Knowing that the process of adoption takes time we will be happy for either sex, and ecstatic at the prospect of being parents.

Karen on

I think it would be just as easy for there to be an editorial with the headline: Opinion: CBB Reader (insert name here) wants moms with sons to be happy with what they have.

I don’t think it is fair to say these parents are unhappy with the gender that they have though. I don’t think that Brooke Shields or Brooke Burke are unhappy with their girls, just as I don’t think Victoria Beckham is unhappy with her boys. They love the kids they have but if they were to have more they would love those kids as well regardless if they got the boy or girl they had hoped for.

I think the reason that Shelly is only hearing the comments about wanting boys because of her personal experience with knowing her parents wanted a son, because there are defiantly comments from both celebs and non-celebs hoping for one sex or the other, both male and female.

Becky Anderson, author on

I think it’s just a coincidence that we’ve heard these celebrity moms talk about wanting sons lately. Several years ago there was lots of talk (and articles) about how Britney Spears wanted a daughter, and then how excited Katie Holmes was to be having a girl, and most recently about Victoria Beckham wanting to try for a girl. It’s perfectly understandable if a person wants to have children of both genders, and I don’t see it as any kind of negative statement against either sex.

When I was pregnant with my fourth child, I was very vocal with my friends about hoping for a girl. I already had a daughter and two sons, and wanted an “even set.” Well, guess what? I had a boy– and I love him like crazy, of course. But it took me a while to get over the idea that I’d probably never have the chance to raise a baby girl again, because my first one had been such fun and I would have dearly loved to reexperience that. It was no reflection on the wonderful baby I DID have.

Basically I think it has nothing to do with preferring boys (or preferring girls)– it just has to do with an individual’s idea of the “perfect family.” When my neighbor was pregnant with her second (and last) child, she very much wanted a girl so her older child could have a sister– that was her idea of “perfect.” A friend, meanwhile, had two boys and one girl, and always said she hoped if she had more children they would be boys, so she could have the same kind of relationship with her daughter that she had with her own mother (Your Mileage May Vary on that one!!)– a one-on-one thing with no competition. In that case, not wanting more girls was actually a way she showed her adoration for her daughter, by wanting her to be a kind of “family princess.” I don’t think we should be critical of these people who express a preference for one gender, because we don’t have any idea where it’s really coming from. I think it’s great that most of us (posters) live in a society where each “type” of baby is cherished for what they bring to a family. Many societies don’t have that.

Ivey on

For me its the missed out experience, I’m one of three girls and often wondered what it would have been like to have a brother.

I’m jealous of my friends (women) whom where brought up with brothers, so just my opinion, I think from my personal point of view, I would like boys and girls because I think things are easier on them when they go into the world, I was always fearful and clueless.

Stef on

Shelley–I think you’re reading WAY too much into these comments. Our society is really no longer one where a son is a necessity due to the need to pass on property and inheritance to him. (As seen in “Sense and Sensibility”). Some people want to keep the family name going, but that’s no longer an issue as women have the option to keep their last name even when married.
I only ever read the celebs’ comments as meaning that they would like a chance to have a child of the gender they’d not yet have–FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF HAVING THE OTHER GENDER. I sincerely doubt they value their children less for being girls–if they do, than it’s probably part and parcel of a huge insecurity issue that manifests itself in other ways.
I am the second daughter of two girls. My parents intended to have more children, but could not afford it. Never once do I recall them expressing remorse that they never had a boy, only that they never got to have as large a family as they wanted. Anything my dad would have wanted to teach a boy, he taught me. My mom raised me to be as strong and independent as any guy and encouraged me to be interested in everything. In fact, my sister and I were the only girls in a whole slew of boy cousins, so no one was at a loss to having boys around. And my aunts who always wanted girls got to “live that” through us.
Personally, if I ever have kids, I would be fine with just having girls. I feel this way only because I was raised in a family of girls and I kinda know how they work better than how boys work. And, like my mom, I’m excited to raise strong, independent girls. However, if I were to have a boy, I’m sure I’d be just as excited. People do a lot of speculating about children until they come, but they always end up thrilled with what they have.

Chrissy on

My husband and I tried to have a BABY for over 12 years before we were lucky enough to adopt a beautiful baby boy and then 2 years later his equally gorgeous brother. After our long wait I could not even begin to care about gender and I find it hard to believe people actually care that much!
I come from a family of 4 girls and mostly nieces so I guess I have many little girls in my life anyway. That could make a difference. But really the only thing that matters is we are PARENTS to 2 GREAT kids!

Chrissy

Chrissy on

My husband and I tried to have a BABY for over 12 years before we were lucky enough to adopt a beautiful baby boy and then 2 years later his equally gorgeous brother. After our long wait I could not even begin to care about gender and I find it hard to believe people actually care that much!
I come from a family of 4 girls and mostly nieces so I guess I have many little girls in my life anyway. That could make a difference. But really the only thing that matters is we are PARENTS to 2 GREAT kids!

Chrissy

J.M. on

I don’t have kids but if my mother had any say about it she keeps telling me I better give her a granddaughter since my brother has given her 3 grandsons! And to tell you the truth I would like my first to be a girl too only because I really want that close bonded relationship like me and my mom had and I know she’d adore having a granddaughter. And it’s not because she doesn’t love her grandsons (she spoils them more then anyone I know) I think for her it’s something different, a change of pace.

I wouldn’t mind a boy though either since I do think boys tend to be easier (since I’m raising my cousin’s daughter whom I always refer to though as my niece I don’t have).

But I don’t think it’s uncommon for some woman to want one gender over the other or for some to want it when they already have one sex and not the other! I know someone that had six sons. She kept trying for that girl but it never worked out and finally decided enough was enough!

For me personally I’d like to have about 2-3 kids. If my first two are girls I’d love for #3 to be a boy and vis versa. But you can’t control it so it’s best to just accept it. Take what you get and cherish each one because their are people out there who would love to have a child and can’t. I don’t think it matters to long for that son or long for that daughter and dream about what it would be like to have them as a part of your family.

Nad on

What annoys me the most is the fact when people try to hide the gender of their child even after finding out! And there is nothing wrong in having a daughter and a son!

Sarah on

I don’t have kids but I know a couple with 5 girls. The father always says that even though a son would be fun, he is relieved not to have one because he would not have to worry about comparing a son’s abilities to what his were in terms of size, sports abilities, etc. The mother also thought a boy would have been nice, but she came to the resolution that when each of their daughters was created, God’s supply of sons was on backorder, so he sent them the best daughters he had.

Shannon on

My whole life I have wanted a girl because I am a girly girl myself. I always wanted to dress her in cute outfits, do her hair and have a girl to take for mani/pedis and hang with when she’s older. I always dreamt of helping her shop for her wedding gown, etc. Well I have an 11 month old son and am pregnant with another son. I will not have more children after this. I absolutely ADORE my boys, they are wonderful blessings. Yes, occasionally I still mourn that dream of having a girl to do those things with when she’s older but I’ll just do those things with my boys’ wifes if they get married. I think a lot of people just want one of each gender to experience both sorts of joy. I don’t think anyone means anything bad about their comments of wanting a boy or girl.

Loren Torre on

The woman’s post stopped me dead in my tracks. I have an 11 month old blessed little girl and both my husband and I were shocked that she was just that… a girl. We hadn’t found out the sex and were positive “she” was going to be a boy. Needless to say 11 months later we are so ecstatic about our little girl. She’s healthy and sweet and just a little miracle. As parents who are hoping to have a 2nd child same day in the future, we too feel that little bit of “wouldn’t it be great to have a boy.” But at the end of the day I’ve always thought that having a “healthy” child is what matters most. And we don’t take for granted for 1 minute that we conceived our child without any hardship. So, thank you Shelly for putting it all back into perspective for us. From the bottom of my heart I wish you all the luck and blessings in getting that child you so want… and clearly deserve!

Marie on

I’m the first of four girls. My paternal grandfather groaned, “not another girl,” to my mother when I was born. He wanted someone to “carry on the family name” and had that old-fashioned mind-set. He only lived to see two of us girls born, so I could only imagine what he would have said after my mother then had my two other sisters😉 When expecting my youngest sister, my mother said she wanted another girl “because a boy would look silly in his sisters’ hand-me-downs”🙂

When I was expecting my son in 2006, I had no idea if he was a boy or girl (delivery room surprise) but my instinct always screamed “BOY” and while I liked the idea of a son, I quietly wanted a girl because girls were what I knew, having grown up in a family of all girls. The idea of a boy scared me to some degree. I didn’t know how to “have” a boy. Then he was born and all of that went out the window. I LOVE my son and I love being mama to a boy. When my grandmother asked me if I’d gotten what I wanted, I told her that I had…a HEALTHY baby. Boy or girl didn’t matter.

While I’d still like to one day have a girl to hopefully have the mother-daughter relationship like the one I treasure with my mom, I’d be over the moon with another boy. I love saying, “my boys” when referring to my husband and son. As long as my kids are happy and healthy, that’s all I can wish for.

Maybe for some of these celebs, it’s about wanting to share a bond or something with the opposite gender than what they already have with their kids. I don’t see the harm in that and it’s just their honesty. When you have some celeb moms moaning that they’d like another child, but are “scared” of having yet another boy or girl, it doesn’t sound too nice for the kids they already have. But I think it’s just how it comes across, it’s taken out of context and we all know they love their kids.

Really though? Healthy and happy is what matters most.

Twy on

I think only someone with children can explain why they would want one of each.
If you have a girl, you then want a boy, and vice versa. I don’t know anyone who excludes one sex over the other. The consensus is almost always, wanting one of each. I have many many friends and family who have children and I don’t know anyone who would be afraid to say they want the other sex after having one. It’s almost human nature. It’s completing the package of the All American Family. Although this might not be true so much in today’s world, it still stands true for many parents. I can honestly say it’s been my dream for years to have a boy and a girl. I see no problem with this. I do have an issue with having child after child just to “get” that boy or girl, but hey “different strokes for different folks”.

Holly on

As part of an infertile couple who have a domestically adopted daughter who is nearly 1 year old, I can definitely confirm that my husband and I had no preference for sex when we were trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, and no preference for sex when we were waiting to be chosen by birthparents. Many people, including celebrities, take it for granted that they will (or think they can) have as many children as they want (when they want to have them), and can keep trying until they have at least one of each sex. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world, and when we adopt again, I will hope for a healthy child no matter what the sex.

meghan on

i must be on a different planet. i hear about families trying for a daughter all. the. time. shelley sounds a wee bit sensitive.

Wendy on

Wow–I am a mom to two boys, who ‘stays silent’ (as you say) about my desire to have a girl. We plan on having another child (God willing), and while I would love to experience being a mom to a daughter, I would also love to have another sweet boy. As many posters have stated, having a healthy child is my main goal. I feel all children are blessings. I have felt insulted when numerous people have commented about us ‘trying for a girl,’ but then I realize that they assume everyone would like to have at least one child of each sex. I have learned that it is rarely the case that anyone values girls or boys more than the other sex, more that they assume (in many cases correctly) that most parents would like to experience having a child of each sex.

Christine on

I haven’t read all the comments, but I have to comment on this editorial. I’m actually find it offending.

I have two boys, and I would LOVE a girl. I was expecting to have a girl first, and ended up with twin boys. I love my boys, but there’s always going to be something missing until I have a daughter: shopping, salon visits, ‘girl talk’, her wedding.

I think it is rare to find an honest person, mother or father, who would say after having kids of all one gender that they wouldn’t want one of the opposite gender.

That all said, boys or girls, I’m just thankful my children are healthy and happy.

brooke on

I think Shelly is being a little too sensitive with this. It’s human nature for a mom of say 2 boys to say I would like this 3rd child to be a girl or a mom of 2 girls to say, I would love a son to experience having a boy this time. Does it mean they don’t love their next child if it’s the same sex, of course not, because everybody knows when you try for another child there’s a 50/50 chance it can be either sex. Brooke shields if she was to have another baby most likely due to her age, it would be her last so I can understand why after having 2 daughters, a boy would be nice. And brooke burke had said this 4th pregnancy was her last, and she already had 3 girls, what’s so bad for her to say I would like a boy this time around. Both trista and tori spelling who have one boy baby, said it would be nice if their 2nd was a girl but they would love it either way. And us average people most of us stop having kids at a certain number due to money and stuff like that, so if you know for a fact your husband and you are planning on 2-3 kids, ideally it would be nice to experience both. If it doesn’t happen,people still are grateful to have healthy happy children, but it’s ok for people to have a perfernce.

Erica on

Nicely written article Shelley, but I disagree with your sentiments. Like many other readers have noted I think people naturally want what they don’t yet have–whether that means hoping for a son after three daughters (Brooke Burke) or yearning for a girl after three boys (Victoria Beckham). And you know what, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s not as if these women or even other celebrities featured on this blog have made statements like “I’ll just die if I have another girl” or “my life won’t be complete without a boy”–perhaps your negative experience may influence the way you perceive comments about this, which is fair. More often than not from the sentiments expressed on this blog and my own life I find that people hope above all for healthy children.

Casey on

I have 2 girls and always say I would love to also have a son. I love my girls more than anything in this world and would never want them to be anything than what that are. That being said I feel I would be missing out to not experience having children of both sexes and if it was sons that I already had I would long for a daughter and not be shy to say it. I also have 3 friends all with sons who make their want for a daughter known….I was unaware that people held that back.

Lucy on

I’m so happy to see this post because not only on this site but many others people seem to think of girls as a big pain in the rear end. I don’t think Shelly is over reacting because in many other societies that is exaclty how it is. Moms of girls get comments like “oh she’s going to be a piece of work when she’s older, or I’m so glad I didn’t have a girl because they are such drama queens, BOYS ARE SO EASY.” Excuse me, so what should I give her up for adoption when she turns 11. When I hear women of with all boys or even childless women make these comments I am so glad they don’t have daughters and hope they don’t ever have daughters because they have a very narrow minded view on what being female is.
I have even heard a women say I hope I have a boy first so my husband is not disappointed. What!! I would be disappointed that I married a man who thought having a boy was the be all end all.

heather on

Hi, I appreciate the post, but I have to say that it isn’t just a problem of people wishing for boys. In all honesty, despite the historical desire for male children, I have come into contact with WAY more people who wanted girls and were disappointed to get boys. Both sides of my family this has happened. My aunt even had 6 kids…just to get that little girl. My niece was named the name my father in law had picked if he ever had a daughter, and the little grandsons in the family are nothing compared to those little girls. Wasn’t there a casein the 90’s when a surrogate mom carried a set of boy and girl twins, and the biological parents refused to take the little boy at birth?!?!?!
It is awful to see a child of any gender treated as a disappointment. If Shelley was the mother of only sons, I am sure she could have written the same exact post in reverse.
I know how badly I wanted a daughter, personally, after my son. I got one, but before she was born, I realized how lucky I would be to raise two little boys as well. I grew up with all sisters, and I see what a special family we were as a result too.
People have all sorts of reasons to be disappointed over the gender of a child…maybe they want to experience both, maybe they want a namesake for a beloved relative, maybe they want a child they can treat like a mini-me…who knows.
Instead of criticizing people for wanting one gender over the other, why don’t extol the virtues of both. I think complaining that people want boys ( when clearly, there are at least as many that want girls) only focuses the attention to make girls seem somehow less desirable.

Nikka on

Hi, I mostly agree with Shelley, boys are not any more valuable then daughters, and I didn’t really like Brooke’s comments about finally having a boy (cause it sounded like she was dissapointed with her three healthy and beautiful girls)

But there are lots celebs who want a girl and are definitely not quiet: Victoria Beckham, Trista Sutter, Tori Spelling, and I am sure many more. It’s not uncommon for the celebs to openly speak wanting a girl as the article suggests.

Amber on

I am pregnant with my third boy and I am not going to lie- I wanted a girl. I still want a girl but this is my last baby. I was raised as an only child by my father. I was surrounded by male cousins. My whole life I have imagined having daughters. Sisters have an unbelievable bond that I’ve never had the opportunity to be a part of. My boys are great and I love them tremendously and I know I will always be surrounded by their love. At the same time I feel like I’ve missed out on some special bonds, just like I am sure many women of only daughters have felt they’ve missed by not having any boys.

heather on

also, do you know how offensive it is to have a little boy and a little girl (very young) and people to have said to us ” you have one of each, now you can be done having kids…” as if having a second son wouldn’t have made our family as whole as having a daughter? why assume that one of each makes the perfect family ? grrr..

Mia C. on

I agree with those thet say she’s overthinking it. The most sought after after child in the domestic adoption business is a Caucasian female. The majority of people who do gender selection for family balancing are trying to have a daughter.
I think everyone is curious to see what the other side is like…In my world, most autism moms hope for girls, less like to be affected than their autistic brothers.

Isabel on

I’m a mom to 2 boys, I was disappointment that my second son was not a girl for about 2 seconds. I am thoroughly overjoyed with my boys and wouldn’t have it any other way. I would definitely like more children in the future and would be equally happy if I had another son instead of a girl. If I’m blessed with a girl so be it, if not, bring on the boys!

Laura on

There have been several celebrities who have made similar comments about wanting a girl, rather than a boy – such as Victoria Beckham and Katie Price (Jordan), who have both said they were keen to have a girl to add to their families.

Blackrose on

i come from the middle east.. and here having a son is important ,to carry the family name and stuff like that.. i have 3 sisters and no brothers but my parents never made us feel that they wanted a son.. but my grandma did.. she just loves boys..i remember when my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister i remember her saying “hopefully its a boy this time” blah blah!
i dont have any children yet..(iam only 20) but i only want girls!:D:D

J.J. on

Shelley, I agree on the fact that both sons and daughters are precious and are true blessings, but I kindly disagree with your comment overall to a certain extent. You mentioned that we “seldom, if ever, hear the opposite — mothers of sons wishing they had a daughter.” Well to be honest, it’s not true at all. I have heard several mothers of sons say they really wanted to girl so badly. I also get annoyed sometimes when people claim that they want a girl or they want a boy, but I’m beginning to understand that it’s natural and ok to feel that way as long as you can accept a healthy baby due to the fact that I’m starting to feel that way. I have 4 nieces so far and no nephews, and I’m going to be aunt again three more times this year as I’m going to have a niece/nephew in May, a niece/nephew in June, and a niece in July. I’m kinda of hoping for at least one nephew, but my family and I have feeling that the babies who will be born in May and June will be both girls too, totaling up to six nieces, as a result that our family hardly “brings in” boys. Since the millennium, all the family births had resulted in only girls, which includes all of my cousins born in 2000 or after and my nieces. We hadn’t had a boy born in our family for more than 13 years! Either way I’m stilled thrilled! All I really care is that the little ones are healthy. However, I find many desires for baby girls more than boys among celebrities and their fans compared to what Shelley said. Of all I know only Brooke Burke, Brooke Shields, and Charlie Sheen expressed desires for a son, no one else really, where as Tori Spelling, the Beckhams, Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Minnie Driver, Denise Richards, Brad Pitt, Martina McBride and many more said they really only wanted girls. Even fans want their babies to be girls too. I recall how many “I hope it’s a girl” was mentioned when Matthew McCounaghey and Camilla Alves announced their pregnancy, and how people were wishing that both Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera and Salma Hayek would have girls too. Truthfully, boys are favored over girls only in many Asian and middle eastern countries, where in the U.S., more people favor girls over boys. I’m guessing the favor for baby boys in mid eastern and Asian countries is because boys carry out the family name, making them more “valuable” and the favor for baby girls in the U.S. is because of the cute clothes that they can be dressed in, and the idea of many people wanting a little “princess”. I find both these facts really ridiculous as there is really nothing different between having a son and a daughter. Only thing people should feel blessed about is that they were able to bring a healthy child into the world.

ang on

i think it goes both ways on this site- tori & dean and also victoria beckham have expressed a desire for a girl(& tori is now having 1), but i don’t know why people long for 1 or the other. in tori’s case, having a poor bond with her own mum, otherwise maybe something like losing a parent at a young age, having a violent or screwed up parent, losing a sibling or seeing other families with bad experiences with 1 or the other.

Miss155 on

From my personal experience, I have two daughters. Even though with each child I desired and prayed for a boy, I am still very grateful to God for my healthy children. I still would like to have a boy, but I believe that God knows what is best for me. My husband desires a son more than me but I would still love to have a son. I love both of my children very much. Many women just want to have children of both gender. If it is not possible for them then that is just the way it is.

Amy on

I relate to the post by Courtney. We had three sons and were constantly asked when we were going to try for a girl. When I was pregnant with our fourth, people always commented that we just had to try for that girl. The baby was a girl, born in Dec. I get annoyed at people that say “well you finally got your girl”. We wanted four children, period. I love all of them boy or girl and would have been happy no matter how God and divvied them up. I don’t think you can fault people though for saying that they want one or the other if they have a boy or girl first. There is nothing wrong with wanting something you don’t have, or wanting similar combinations to what you grew up with. I am sure some of these comments by celebs were taken out of context. I am sure I had a surprised look on my face when people asked me what we were having the fourth time, I was surprised, we already had three boys. I am sure there was a nervous laugh that went along with it because I was not and am still not so sure I know what to do with a girl. I don’t remember saying we finally have a girl, but if I did it wasn’t because we wished for a girl all along, it would have been because we have one, simple as that. None of that has anything to do with wanting a girl or a boy each time. We did talk about adopting a girl, but it was because of my age and because we figured if we could do something different, we would. It will be nice for the boys to have a sister, maybe it will help them relate to women when they are older, maybe not but it won’t hurt.

Laura on

I disagree! I see a LOT of the opposite! Seems sooooo many people around me in person and online all have boys and want girls. One friend has 5 sons! Of course she craves a daughter… but I hate how people talk about either sex like that really.

I had a boy already so I did rather hope for a girl. Yes, I’m getting one but I HATE when I get comments that are downright RUDE that imply another boy wouldn’t have been wanting.

We wanted a 2nd child.. and we’ll take what God gives us! I wish everyone would think this way. It’s more than what’s between the legs and I think we get what we’re meant to have.

I remember assuming m y 1st was a girl and when the ultrasound guy said boy I cried. I was so upset! I am so ashamed for that and after a couple of days I embraced that this is the child I’m supposed to have and gosh.. I would have LOVED another boy!

Thanks GOD for giving me any children at all!

And to any celebs reading who have those very sinful thoughts.. if you truly want a boy or a girl, adopt one. You will get your wish and also help a needy child have a loving home.

Heather on

I have a 2 year old daughter and we are expecting baby #2 in August and do not know the sex. To be completely honest, I would be THRILLED to have another little girl allow my daughter to experience having a sister. I will be just as happy to have a little boy. I do not have that feeling that I “need” to have a boy to make my family complete, and neither does my husband. We will feel extremely blessed to have another healthy, happy baby to bring us joy!

Starlet on

I studied this in a gender studies masters class, what was very interesting was that historically the upper class wanted heirs but that has changed. The more educated a family the more likely it is that they have a preference for daughters,manual labors are more likely to want sons. It also depends on a families country of origin.

Personally among my circle of friends (most have a least a masters, or PhD and most of us are Dr’s) the preference is strongly for daughters, the friends with 3 sons are most likely to try for a girl or adopt a girl, tha families with all girls are very happy and don’t feel the need.

I think most people would like the opportunity to parent sons and daughters. The thing I find a little off putting when celebs talk about it is as though they think another try and they will get a son or daughter etc. Unless you go for specialist fertility procedures there is no guarantee. I think the friends who adopted daughters after several bio boys made a really good choice.

Lisa on

I agree with meghan! I hear about women with just sons (like Victoria Beckham) wanting a girl. I have two boys and I am 100% happy with them. For me, there is no need to add a girl to the mix.

heather on

We have a saying in our house that we live by for everything: You get what you get, and you don’t get upset!!!

I have 2 darling girls, and I will honestly and without qualm tell anybody that I meet that I genuinely do not want a son. I have never for one second felt that something was missing, or we were missing out, because we don’t have children of both sex. Our family is absolutely complete with these two little girls that we completely adore.

rebecca on

I was surprised to read this post because I feel like we hear mostly the opposite: celebs wanting girls (beckham), or being thrilled that they are having a girl (spelling). as a mother of 2 sons longing for a daughter, this topic hits close to home for me…there is even A Baby Story episode of my 2nd son’s birth that focuses on my desire for a girl. i know i have 2 healthy, amazing children, but from the beginning i’ve always known i wanted to experience both genders, especially a girl. anyway, it was interesting to see shelley’s comment that, “we seldom, if ever, hear the opposite — mothers of sons wishing they had a daughter.” well, here I am, saying it!😉

p.s. anyone have any experience with Microsort? lol.

jaQ on

i’ve never noticed this, never seen it this way, personally. i wouldn’t think it’s intentional~ just coincidence, maybe?
i wanted a daughter first, and got a son. i enjoyed raising my boy so much, that i hoped for a second boy (but got a girl instead, lol). i would love to have another boy, if i do have a third child someday, but would not be the least bit disappointed if i were to have a girl. (my son was soooo much easier to raise, than my daughter has been, i suppose, subconsciously, maybe that’s part of it?)
my family will be complete regardless of what gender i have next/last… but i definitely would have wanted to keep going until i had both sexes, had i not gotten a boy and girl right off the bat.
my step-dad is disappointed that he never had a son, because there are no boys in the family to carry on their last name~ i can understand that. it’s not something they constantly talk about or dwell on, though.
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with voicing your dreams of a specific gender. it’s honest~ of course health is more important, i think that goes without saying… nothing wrong with hoping you get the opportunity to experience raising both.🙂 i’m happy to have both, but would’ve been just as happy if i had two girls or two boys~ i would have known nothing else, and wouldn’t have traded them for anything, just as i am with my son and daughter.🙂

Elizabeth on

I tend to think people want one or the other because of lifestyle. If your idea of fun is going to the park or watching a baseball game, you might think that having a boy would give you more that kind of outdoorsy lifestyle. If you’ve always been a girly girl, having a boy will potentially be a huge lifestyle change.
There are always boys and girls who don’t fit the mold, but if you have a girl that COULD mean a lot of dance recitals and if you have a boy, that COULD mean you will be sitting on the sidelines watching a lot of baseball. If you really hate typical girl activities, having a girl is not going to sound like a lot of fun. Same thing for boys.
I don’t have kids yet, but I do keep in mind that our day-to-day family life will probably look very different depending on the sex of our children. Best not to get too hung up on what you think your family SHOULD be, and just enjoy what evolves over time.

Amanda on

There are so many opinions for topics like these.. I have not been told I’m “infertile” but sometimes I feel like it as I’ve been trying for three years to no avail. The doctors wont put me on fertility meds yet since I’m still “young” (24..) It’s so frustrating to watch people around me having babies so easily and for me and my husband to be struggling. I used to say that I wanted a girl if I could only have one because I could relate more, but then I had my nephew and I love him so much I was all about having a boy.. at this point I would just be so grateful to have one. And if I were to have a boy I wouldn’t say “I have to try again for a girl” or vice versa.. I just want to love a child the way I always dreamed of. I think people should just be happy to have a child and the sex really shouldn’t matter. But I do agree that a lot of people want one of each – or maybe they go into it wanting one thing but they get the other and they realize that’s what they were meant to have all along.

audrey on

I think many people want to experience having both genders, and thats why they want a boy when they only have girls, and vice versa, I’ve seen and heard a lot of people who have only boys say that they’d like to try for a girl. so it seems like they are just trying to “complete” their family either way- this may be a good or bad thing, but either way I don’t see it applying more to boys than girls.

sara on

my husband and i don’t have any children yet, but we are hoping for a boy somewhere in there because my husband is the only son and we want to carry on our family name. also i really like little boys. that doesn’t make me a bad person or someone who devalues girls (i am one for goodness sake). i would love to have a daughter as well. little girls are wonderful. i think this article is silly because unless you were right there in the celebrity’s face when they made these comments, you have no idea what they were trying to convey. things that are printed on paper (or a blog) leave much room for interpretation. also, other countries still place value on gender today, but the U.S. has come a long way since the women’s rights movement. no need getting all hot and bothered over some comments made by someone you don’t even know, which appear to be very innocent words in my opinion.

Mia on

Wow, I do wonder how much actual research you have done to see if your hypothesis is actually true. I am a very happy mother of two wonderful girls. I never found out the sex during pregnancy and didn’t care either. My husband and I wanted 2 children and we are overjoyed we have been blessed with two sweet and healthy girls. We have NEVER missed not having a boy…and never will.

Brooke on

I feel very strongly about this subject and agree with Shelley. I have just had a second child, who was a boy. My firstborn was a girl. Throughout my pregnancy people asked me what I was having [I didn’t know] and wished for me to have a boy. My in-laws were quite insistant that they wanted a grandson. What did this say about my beautiful, beloved daughter? Was she nothing? After my son’s birth everyone was overjoyed because now I had a ‘perfect pair’ and told me I didn’t have to have a third because I’d gotten ‘my boy’. I have smiled through gritted teeth every day since his birth because of those. All that matters is that your baby is healthy. When I tell people this (particularly my in-laws} they look at me as if I am mad … it’s beyond their comprehension that I couldn’t secretly desire to have a boy. Nothing, however, could have been further from the truth – all I wanted was a 2nd healthy baby. People who wish for a certain sex do not deserve children. I would have loved and adored my second child whatever sex.

Tara on

I’ve never noticed a preference given to wanting boys over girls personally. I think that people just assume naturally that if you have more than one child that you should want at least one of each. I, and most of my friends, have boys and we are constantly being asked if we’re hoping for a little girl next in spite of having the supposedly “chosen” sex already. Nobody says, “are you hoping for another boy?” I think it’s just natural to want what you don’t have so that you can experience both. To suggest that there’s a stronger preference for one over the other in our society is ridiculous–I think both sons and daughters are valued equally. Of course, some people may finds boys, or girls, easier to raise than the other and may express a preference for one over the other, but I hardly think that it is a societal trend to want a son more than a daughter. If anything, I think I’ve heard more celebs expressing a desire to have little girls than boys so I think that Shelley is way off base with her hypothesis!

Jen on

I have an 11 month old beautiful little girl whom I love more than anything…we are hoping to maybe give her a sibling in about 3-4years and I can, with all honesty, say I really don’t care if I have another little girl or have a boy, as long as the child is healthy, when I was pregnant with my daughter I was constantly asked whether I wanted a boy or girl…people didnt seem to believe me when I said I’d be happy with either, they’d say “oh, surely you have a preference”, I found it weird that people didn’t believe me

Rita on

As the Mother of 4 daughters I did want a Son I have no siblings being an only child so I don’t know what it’s like having a boy around I had my first 2 daughters with my ex and my last 2 daughters with my husband and with our last I wanted a Son and Blessed with another daughter. We were not able to keep trying due to health problems that I had during the last pregnancy.. So as a Mom to all girls I can see other Mom’s of all girls wanting a boy. What’s wrong with wanting a Son. Now I have my first Granddaughter and Yes I would love a Grandson if we are blessed with one.

Alfie on

I have always wanted two girls and was very vocal about it my whole life. Wouldn’t you know it, my first child was a boy. But because I experienced fertility issues and had to wait a long time for this little miracle, I am just grateful to have a child at all. Now, of course, my son is the light of my life. We are starting to try for a second miracle and I would be lying if I said I didn’t desperately want that little girl I’ve always dreamed of!

Donna on

I think it is entirely personal preference. My sister had two girls, then I had a boy and finally a daughter. My mom said at the hospital “I didn’t think you would be lucky enough to have a girl.” I always thought that was an odd comment. I would have been happy with two boys, but was overjoyed to have a boy and girl.

Judyb on

I am mom to three girls and I am happy with my family. I also would have been happy with all boys or with 2 of one gender and 1 of the other. My family is my family! I think what bothers me is that some people insist that you must have one of each in order to be happy. I am sure that there are some people who think I am being too sensitive. My third daughter was an unplanned blessing. I was breastfeeding my second daughter when I got pregnant with the third. Unfortunately it seems like most people assumed that I got pregnant again right away to “have a boy.” I can not tell you how many times people have asked my youngest if her parents wanted a boy or if her parents were disappointed because she was not a boy. For those of you who think I am too sensitive, I wish you could know how hurt my daughter was because my daughter interpreted these comments as “your parents did not want you they wanted a boy instead.” Christina is now a happy 16 year old, but I can’t tell you the tears that she shed in her younger years because of people’s thoughtless comments.

I am fine with the fact that there are people who want one of each, I just wish people would not feel that my family is incomplete or disappointing because I have all girls.

People can give their child any last name so the idea of carrying on a family name is outdated. I know people think that they need boys to play sports, well girls can play sports too. We rarely have a shortage of teenage boys in our house so my hubby actually has plenty of boys to watch sports or talk about cars. Our daughters are daddy’s girls and their boyfriends/male friends have found that the way to their heart is to get in good with Dad.

Melat on

I completely disagree with Shelley’s original post. I have been seeing the opposite for years now. On baby name message boards there are twice as many posts for girls names, and many more women on baby message boards say they hope they have girls. Look up “gender disappointment” and most posts on those message boards are women wanting daughters and being disappointed with their sons. Adoption stats show that girls have a higher chance of being adopted both domestically and abroad. A few of my friends have 2 or 3 boys and all say they wish they had a daughter, but my sister who has 3 girls has no desire for a boy.

The whole business of wanting one gender over the other bugs me to no end. The difference within boys and within girls are much more immense than the differences between boys and girls. Boys and girls are absolutely not polar opposites of each other! People who hope for one gender are usually hoping for a stereotype that may not ever manifest in the child.

Tiffany on

Maybe we should stop thinking only boys can carry on family names!

penelope on

what she wrote were exactly my thoughts when i read those two moms’ comments. never in my life did i wish for a son as i think that little girls are wayyyy cuter. not to mention the fact that it’s unfair that so many moms prefer their sons from their daughters

terri on

I think people can feel whatever they want to feel. Behavior is another thing. I think it’s understandable to hope to experience both genders, but I would hope that a parent never expressed disappointment in having a son or daughter. I’m the second of 3 girls and I loved growing up in a family of girls, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m sure my parents, especially my dad, would have loved a son, but I never felt that as a child. Children should feel wanted.

J.J. on

What melat said reminds me of another thing I wanted to add which I forgot to mention in my previous post, but I too noticed that a lot of people who have girls are happy with only girls, and some of them who already have daughters and are yet expecting another baby still express their desires for more girls, while those with sons are are dying to have a little girl of their own. I also tend to notice that some people with only daughters are happy that they don’t have a boy because they never wanted one and were happy to have their desires of having only girls and try to mock people who have only sons by saying to them “You should have a little girl”. Really selfish. I remember reading from a article about a woman and her husband who wanted to have a baby together, but couldn’t get pregnant. The woman already had two daughters from her ex hubby. They eventually got pregnant through IVF and decided to do gender selection as well. When the specialist (who knew the woman had two girls), was asking what she wanted, both her and her hubby said definitely a girl. The specialist asked her why she wanted another daughter and she replied by saying she wants a house full of girls and that having a boy will ruin it, as well as saying that it’s so much more fun to have girls because of the clothes and shoes and stuff. At the end of the article, when they finally had their daughter, the hubby said that “baby girls are the most special blessing and are willing to have more daughters”. I mean what if they had a boy? I always thought after reading it that they will be terribly unhappy and would send their son to a foster home or abandon him somewhere. I found them very selfish and rude. I wonder why Shelley is bothered by people wanting boys.

terri on

“Moms of girls get comments like “oh she’s going to be a piece of work when she’s older, or I’m so glad I didn’t have a girl because they are such drama queens, BOYS ARE SO EASY.” Excuse me, so what should I give her up for adoption when she turns 11. When I hear women of with all boys or even childless women make these comments I am so glad they don’t have daughters and hope they don’t ever have daughters because they have a very narrow minded view on what being female is.”

Lucy, I absolutely agree with you. I hate hearing women disparage having girls. I have heard this so much that it blows my mind. It’s like some weird sort of self-loathing.

jen on

We are parents of 4 girls. We wanted a girl each time, so it worked out well. If we had a boy we would love him too. It would be very different than what we’re used to. Everywhere we go people say how they feel sorry for my husband because he’s going to have 4 teenage girls in the house. They also assume that we’re trying for a boy. That’s not the case, we’d love to have another daughter.

april on

I have four sons, all of whom I love dearly!

However, I cried when I found out that my last baby was another boy! I was heartbroken! Not only because he was a boy, but also because I knew that he would be my last baby and there would be no other chances for a little girl!

In my opinion, people who are raising only boys are always being commented on about how “hard” it is, or how “full” our hands must be or how much “energy” little boys have… for me, the comments go on and on and on DAILY. I think that a lot of mothers with boys are somewhat defensive over the insinuation that they want a girl. That may be why some of them don’t speak out about the desire to have a girl!

On the flip side, I was tickled pink (no pun intended!) when I delivered my first son! I come from a family of girls and all I thought about was how great it would be to have a son!!

I can always hope for a granddaughter!

Sarita on

I don’t know where you live but all people I know don’t favour boys. It’s just natural that most people would like to have a boy after 1 or 2 or more girls just as it is exactly the same with people who have 1 or more boys, they hope for a girl the next time.

I actually know more women that were really hoping for a girl than I know that were hoping for a boy.

I also think there is nothing wrong with stating a preference. It doesn’t mean you will love your baby any less if he/she is of the other sex.

susan on

Having children of all the same gender is unique. Most people have children of both genders. I’m a mother of three boys and whenever we go out (run errands, go to a restaurant, etc.) people ALWAYS comment. I take the comments in stride and I’m actually proud to receive all the stares and comments. I love having three boys. I do not miss not having a girl, because of the camraderie that my boys have with one another. My sisters have children and they have boys and girls. To tell you the truth, their children are not as close to one another as mine are. I think it’s difficult for children of the opposite sex to relate to one another in the early years. I’ve always thought that the worst combination for children is a boy and girl. It’s like having two only children. It’s so difficult for them to relate to one another. People rarely agree with me on this point, but if you really think about it, it’s true. I love that my boys look to each other for information, fun and companionship. I’m a very hands-on parent and I have tremendous fun with my boys. But the sibling bond by far outlast the parental bond! When you only have one of a certain gender they may look to the appropriate parent to fulfill those needs. Most of the time, those needs are better fulfilled by a sibling than a parent.

Natasha on

I am pregnant with my 1st child (& maybe only child I’ll have since I am single and not with the father). In my heart or hearts I want to have a son. I hope and pray that this baby is a boy because I think boys are easier. I don’t like styling my own hair so I have no desire to have to style a little girl’s hair everyday. I connect better with guys. I don’t have close female friends & all my friends are pretty much guys. I was sexually molested by males twice in my life. Once at age 4 by an older brother, then 20 years later at age 24 by some pervo I didn’t know. If I had a daughter I’d be worried sick about the same stuff happening to her or worst. I’ll love my child either gender but I just feel that I will have a much better experience mothering a son.

LB3 on

Ok, to answer your question..I have three boys and I am thrilled. I never cared what sex they were…people would say all the time that I was “carrying” like a girl, and after my first son, we got a lot of “hopefully this will be a girl.” It was stupid, and all we ever wanted was healthy and happy children and that is what we got. I have never nor do I yearn for a girl. I think little boys are so cute and I actually prefer little boys over little girls b/c girls squeal and get on my nerves. Just being honest.

~Kimberly on

I have 2 boys and I have to say…Nver once when I was pregnant did I hope one of them would be a girl…I hoped for boys and that is what I got…I didn’t want daughters however would have been happy had they both been girls…If I had another baby, I would hope for a boy again however since we have 2 boys we are done and there is no disappointment there about not having a daughter…I have nieces so I can always shower them with girly stuff but still come home to my boys :o)

Nik on

I have an 8 year old son, and almost cried when we found out he was a boy, we had both wanted a girl. But now that he’s here, I couldn’t imagine life without him. Never for a moment do I wish he was a girl. Sure, I’d like a girl, to try out one of each, but if I have another boy, it’s not the end of the world, it’s just a 50/50 crap shoot.
All children are precious, regardless of their sex.

merrymum on

Girls squeal?? Boys can squeal just as loudly and high pitched!
I have 2 kids one of each and I hoped for a boy first and I got one (don’t know why I hoped that?). I also hoped my second was a girl which she turned out to be because I wanted to experience a loving mother daughter realtionship with my girl just as I had shared with my own mum (she passed away when my son was 10 months old). In some ways I believe my mum wanted that for me as well and had something to do with sending her to me!
I have to admit that I was kind of petrified during my second pregnancy that although I wanted a girl, I would actually get one and what would I do with her? I was so used to just having my son. It all soon sorts itself out, and gosh I am smitten by her (she’s the spitting image of her grandma too)
There is nothing wrong or mean or selfish about wanting the experience of raising children of both genders. I believe that we as parents are chosen especially by god for these wee babies and there is a reason behind everything he chooses for us.

Danielle, Celebrity Baby Blog Publisher on

I do NOT want to get into a whole “boys vs girls” thing but I wanted to share a conversation I had when I was pregnant and didn’t know that Anya was a girl yet.

As much as I wanted a girl, I was worried about mothering a teenage one. A boy, though maybe more active in the early days, seemed easier. So I was debating with two old friends, a man and a woman, who was more difficult- teenage boys or teenage girls. My friend Julie and I felt that teenage girls are way harder because we tended to be extremely moody, melodramatic, etc. We thought teenage boys would be easier to handle but our friend Dave said, “no way! Boys are CRAZZZZZY!” He went into stories of how he and his friends were totally irrational and moody and never talked to their parents when they were teens.

After that conversation, I realized that I would have my hands full with a boy OR a girl.

Among the families I know who have sons (including my cousin whose son is one week younger than Anya), they are extremely different from Anya and other girls we know. I keep hoping for the exception but they fall into the gender stereotypes. They are so much more active and physical so they really keep you on your toes. Of course, Anya is so busy in other ways and there’s really never a dull moment but she’s happy sitting and playing and reading and not really into climbing the walls like my younger brother used to do. That said, if we have another kid, it would be nice to have a boy to have the experience of having a son but I wouldn’t be disappointed at all if we had another daughter. After all, what am I going to do with all of Anya’s adorable hand-me-downs?

Heather D on

I am a mom of two, who just had a daughter. My son is almost 4. I was elated when I learned my baby was a girl, but I would have been just as pleased if I had another boy. My issue now is people who say to me “You have the perfect family, a boy and a girl” I hear this all the time….. maybe 5 or 6 times a week from various people. It irritates me so much! My friend is having her second boy next month. Does that mean she is not having the perfect family? My Grandmother had 6 boys….. is her family un-perfect? People really need to think before they speak!!

Lea on

Even though I think it is very natural for someone to wish that they would have different genders as children. I do think that sometimes it does go to the extremes. It is very wrong for someone to be very disappointed if they have a girl instead of a boy and vise versa.
My sister-in-law is this way. My sister-in-law has four girls and has been obsessed with having a boy from the beginning. She desperately wants to be the first one in her family to have a boy. It is so bad that during her separation (divorce proceedings) from her husband she got herself pregnant for the 5th time by another man (who does not want this baby) just because she wants a son. My husbands sister is just so overly consumed with having a boy, it seems as though if she is pregnant with a girl it would be disappointing. She does not need a baby, she needs a therapist.

Judyb on

I have never mocked someone for having all boys nor have I personally known anyone who has mocked someone for having boys. IMO, it would be more selfish of me to continue to bring children into this world hoping that I would have a boy. It is hard enough to try to afford three children. I did not “pick” the gender of my children, I got what I got. I do not have a problem with other peoples family’s. They got the children that they got. I just do not understand this idea that people insist that there is something *wrong* with a family that does not have one of each gender child. To me this includes only children family’s too.

Aileen on

My mom told me she wanted me to a boy..and it doesnt hurt my feelings at all. I have 1 older bro, and 2 older sisters so I think she wanted 2 and 2 so my bro would experience a brother just like my sisters had each other.

I have a son and I wanted like hell for him to be a girl..I am sooo happy with what I got, but in the future I would like to try for a girl..I wont lie..when I see mom/daughter bonds, its something I yearn for. If I have another boy, that would be ok cuz boys are great too! Its NOT uncommon for anyone to want a specific sex..EVERYONE I know has told me their desire for one or the other and I know ALOT of ppl who have kids..(like in the hundreds, counting family and friends). The only ppl who probably DONT yearn for one or the other are the ppl with infertility problems because they just want what they can get (beggars cant be choosers). But if u are able bodied and want a couple kids, it would be a total LIE to not wish for one or another sex.

Daze on

I have children of both genders, and what is very true, and not mentioned, is that you have a different relationship and bond with each of your children, no matter the gender. Each child is a different personality and will blend with your own in various ways, not determined by their gender. Yes, when I was shopping for boys clothes, my eyes would wander to the beautiful, colorful girls clothes, and wish for a daughter to doll up, but after my daughter was old enough to choose her own clothes, she doesn’t want the pretty, frilly girl things. She prefers sweats and t’s and jeans, same as the boring boys attire. Though sons are no longer a cultural necessity, many families, esp from foreign cultures, still prefer a firstborn son to continue the family. At least we don’t live in a country where they kill their baby girls or give them up for adoption, just because they are female.

Shirese Franklin on

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a parent who has a child or children of one sex to want a child of another sex, as long as they love all of their children equally. I think the media and we fans blow these things way out of proportion.

Anne on

I don’t want to get too far into the debate, just wanted to leave a quick comment. I am one of three girls, my mother has one brother and four sisters, and 11 of my 13 cousins on her side of the family are girls. My mom also has seven aunts and only one uncle (before marriage, of course.) We are a huge family of women. My sister has three daughters, and I have one. I can honestly say that I will not feel at all deprived if I have a family of all girls as well. We have all grown up to be strong women and I hope the same for our daughters. I would gladly welcome a son as well, but I have to be honest and admit I was very pleased to find out I was having a girl. I was just “used to” girls and was happy to have my first experience as a mom be with a daughter. Of course I’m sure I would have be equally excited with a son. Anyway, I just wanted to add the comment that the huge majority of my family is women, and we love it!

Lucy on

Danielle, people tend to stereotype women as moody and melodramatic not just teen girls. That’s what I don’t get about people saying teen girls are such drama queens, any stereotypical characteristic you can apply to a teen girl you can apply to a woman. How many times have you heard someone say men are more laid back but women are more emotional and dramatic. That’s why I hate it when people especially women say that because they make women and girls to to be one dimensional head cases. As Terri said it’s almost a form of self loathing. Yes, women/girls tend to be more emotional but why is that a bad thing I for one think men/boys are not in tune with their emotions enough. I can’t wait to raise a teen daughter because I throughly remember what it was like to be a teen and I will understand what she is going through. Many women don’t remember what it was like or do remember and try to shield their daughters from the world and that’s when rebellion comes in. Many parents don’t care what their sons do as long as they don’t burn the house down so they have nothing to rebel against.

Note from Danielle: I was definitely a very moody teenager and I definitely mellowed out as I left puberty. All of those hormones make you crazy!

Jen Withers on

I don’t really see what the big deal is about a mother or father expressing their desire to have a son or a daughter. I have two daughters and love them of corse and wouldn’t trade them for anything….my hubby and I are trying for a third and yes I would like a son just because I would like to experince what it would be like to raise a boy and all the fun things that come with having a son. I would like to stroll down the aisle’s for boy clothes, and “boy” toys, but that said if we have a girl, she will be deeply loved and cherished. enough said.

Gen on

Shelley I think that maybe this has been taken a little too far. I see absolutely nothing wrong with a family wanting to balance out all girls with a son. Victoria Beckham has made no secret of her desire for a baby girl. Jordan aka Katie Price was desperate for a daughter after giving birth to two sons. A friend of mine has two boys and wishes to balance her family out with a girl. Another friend of mine has a son and recently, much to her delight, gave birth to her baby girl. I find it to be about balance. I have akways wanted a son (we are two girls) and my partner is one of two boys, but since my hereditary health issues, if I ever do have a baby, all I want is a healthy child. To each his own. No matter what the case is, every parent is different and if they desire a boy or a girl, it’s their choice.

Anth on

I really don’t see this anti-girl attitude at all. In fact, rather the opposite. When a woman has all boys, I seem to often hear, “Oh that poor woman.” And if she gets pregnant, everyone says, “I hope she gets a girl this time.” There seems to be an attitude that every woman wants at least one girl. I have a daughter and am pregnant with a son, and the most-heard comment is, “Oh that’s great, one of each!” As pps have said, I think it is about balance.

Mandy on

From what I have seen and heard in real life and from talking to women online I think that parents tend to want a child that is a different gender then ones they already have. I have heard many women who already have boys, say they want a girl.

I do think that guys in general want a boy more then a girl especially if they already have girls but I don’t believe all of their wishes turn into disappointment if they don’t end up with a boy. Part of me wonders if guys want male children so much because they don’t want to be outnumbered by girls.

We have a beautiful wonderful 17 month old girl and she is the light of our lives. I must admit that if we have another child part of me wants a boy so that I can have a mama’s boys since my daughter is so much the daddy’s girl. But I would be happy either way. There are so many wonderful things about having either gender that I know I will be happy.

I must admit I have to laugh a little when my husband says that it would be nice to have a boy so he can carry on the family name. I laugh because my husband’s last name is one of the top ten common last names in this country.

I think it is natural to want one gender over another when you are thinking about or having another child, I just don’t understand being disappointed when you have that child in your arms.

Stef on

Actually, for as moody and dramatic that girls may be as teenagers, boys are their own version of a handful…

Case in point: The Jackass syndrome. The concept of “consequence” doesn’t develop in boys as soon as it does in girls, so they’ll often engage in insane stunts that end up in personal injury. A favorite among my boy cousins–“the milk challenge.”

No one knows why.

tally on

it seems to me quite the opposite. i have over 10 friends that all just had baby girls and they all wanted girls. i was the only one of all of us that wanted and got a boy. if people are so eager to have boys then why do childrens boutiques carry barely any boy items?! most stores offer shelves stocked with girl clothing and have one little corner for boys. as the mother of a son, this is disappointing because i want to be able to dress him well. but again, i think some mothers connect on a better level with sons. i know i do and if i have children in the future i want more boys. the prospect of having a girl scares the hell out of me.

sid on

We have 3 girls and would like to have the experience of having a boy. I know DH would love to have a son around for “male bonding”. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love the girls. He adores them. And can’t imagine life without them. We are on the fence about a 4th. Part of it may be that we are hesitant about a 4th girl. That is a LOT of women in the house. 3 is hard! We are not sure yet what we’ll do. DH is adopted and we are seriously looking into that as an option.

Viv on

I am a mother of 6 wonderful children. Five of them are boys and only 1 is a girl. There is a twelve year age difference between my youngest son who is 14 and my daughter who just turned 2. After having my second son every time I got pregnant I would hope that I would be blessed with a little girl. Not because I didn’t love having my sons because I did, but I guess you could say it was me being selfish and wanting to have atleast one of each. Not because I thought having a little girl was better than having a little boy because I didn’t. Before I had my daughter I would never have traded one of my sons for a girl. I think that goes for all the moms out there. We may wish to have a child of the opposite sex but we love our children no matter what they are and one is not better than the other. My life would have been just as complete and happy without having my daughter but she does make it that much better also. I was blessed to be able to have atleast one of each sex. I don’t see what the big issue is over wanting to have both sex’s. Before your child is born you may wish and hope for a certain sex but when that doctor puts that baby in your arms for the first time what sex that child is doest matter at all.

Jessica on

While I don’t have any children of my own yet, this topic was of particular interest to me. When my mother and I were having a discussion recently about where my life is going, and where I see myself in the future, the subject of children came up. She expressed her desire to become a grandmother, and I reassured her that I would love to become a mom someday, to a pretty decent sized family. It’s still a few years down the road, but I’ve known I wanted to be a “Mommy” since I was in Kindergarten and had to draw a picture of my future career in class.

As we chatted, my mom let it slip that she wanted a boy and a girl. She told me that she hoped for a boy first, and a girl second. I am the oldest, and I was expected to be a boy. But of course, I put a little kink in her plans! (I always have been a stubborn person… hee hee) Then my younger sister came along. When I was young, my mom always discussed adopting a boy. I remember that my mom thought she was pregnant when I was younger (I was also a snoop!) and hoped for a boy.

My sister constantly teases me about how I threw off my parents’ plans. But, I never felt unloved or unappreciated, and still don’t. It’s just a little weird, in my opinion, to think that I was “supposed” to be a boy. And hearing my mom still today, talk about her desire for a boy, doesn’t leave me upset or angry… it’s just odd.

That being said, when I have a family, I would love two boys and two girls, if I could choose. But, when that time comes, I will sincerely hope for healthy, happy children, no matter what their gender.

anamaria on

I think that Shelley could explain what she thinks of all the comments made here.

Jessica on

I have one of each and while I tried to guess what I was having each time (and was wrong both times)I wasn’t hoping for one or the other. I’m just thrilled to have 2 beautiful healthy kids. My family is full of girls so knowing my daughter had a bunch of femal cousins to play with was cool. Then knowing I was adding the rare boy to my family was also cool. Next time around hubby and I aren’t finding out but will be thrilled with which ever should bless us with his/her presence.

denise on

i thnk it is so sad when people say things like ‘we really want a boy’ or vice-versa ‘we really want a girl’. wishing for it quietly is ok, but saying it is not.
how bad must those daughters fell, knowing that their parents really wanted a boy, and how special will that boy feel just because of his gender?
i am a mother of 2 girls and with my first pregnancy i didn’t wish for one or the other.
but, with my second pregnancy i was hoping that it would be a boy. turns out it was another girl. i did feel a little disappointed the first 2 hours after the ultrasound but got over it quickly.
it’s not that i felt a boy was needed to complete the family, but i felt that i would miss out on the experience of raising a son. my husband though didn’t want a boy and was so glad that we were having another girl.
i do know two couples that have two boys and were wishing for a girl. more the mom then the dad though.

isababe on

I would like to say that yearning for a different gender baby and recognizing the blessing and being grateful for the ones you already have are not mutually exclusive. I am the mother of three boys….waited 5 long years, hoping and praying for a daughter, and gave birth to a baby girl. I was, and still am soooo in love and grateful for my boys, and yet still longed to experience raising a daughter, for no other reason than, I believe it (raising both genders) to be one of lifes ultimate blessings and joys. I believe it’s quite natural to want to experience both. If I had had 3 daughters and no sons, I would’ve wanted the experience of raising a son. It would have gone both ways for me.

Renee on

I don’t think it’s fair to say that both of the famous Brookes aren’t grateful for their girls.They just wanted the experience of raising a boy. The only difference between them and regular people is that they don’t have a bunch of people/strangers analyzing their comments and saying they are valuing boys over girls. I think both would be insulted and probably hurt from that

From Our Partners

Sign up for our daily newsletter and other special offers.
    Choose your newsletters
Thank you for signing up! Your request may take up to one week to be processed.
    see all newsletters