Controversy regarding Nicole Kidman's possible decision to have family members deliver her child

Controversy has arisen with the news that actress Nicole Kidman’s father Antony Kidman, will deliver her and Keith Urban‘s child, due in July. Antony, a trained mental health specialist and his wife, Janelle Kidman, a trained nurse, are rumored to be the people who will deliver the eldest daughter’s child. The couple also delivered their younger daughter Antonia Kidman‘s fourth child, Sybella Ann, last year.

However, experts have said that this is not to be encouraged. Dr. Raymond Martyres, chairman of the professional peer support program for the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners said:

Our policy is that it is not appropriate conduct, except under certain circumstances, such as an emergency, or where a person has a specialized problem, and the family member in question is a specialist in that area.

This situation crosses both sexual and gender boundaries, which may cause problems. If a family member is not adequately trained, it would be particularly inappropriate for them to be heavily involved, and we would advise against it.

AMA national president Rosanna Capolingua added that there’s no decree forbidding a doctor treating a family member, and that "there’s no ethical dilemma but we recommend that it’s probably wiser to have other doctors take care of family members, because if something goes wrong, questions of blame and responsibility can become complicated." Dr Capolingua also said that she’d hope to see an obstetrician standing by, ready to assist if something were to go wrong. Also of note is the fact that medical indemnity insurance won’t cover a doctor when treating a family member.

The main concern seems to be in regards to clouded judgment and inadequacy of skills — it is not known whether Dr. Kidman is qualified to deliver the child.

As a relative, your judgment is likely to be clouded. The relationship is a personal one, not a professional one, and this can be a source of conflict. Emotional detachment is impossible if you are personally involved with the person you are treating.

There is the potential for this to have a serious impact on the relationship. If the procedure in question is unsuccessful, or if there are complications, both relations have to deal with it.

Source: The Age

Thanks to CBB reader Elizabeth

If you or someone you know has had their child delivered by a relative, please share their experience if you are comfortable. Did any of the above issues arise, or was it a pleasant experience? Please not, this post is not an opportunity for a debate, but rather an expression of thoughts and opinions. Please keep our commenting policy in mind when you leave a remark.

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Comments

jjj on January 14th, 2008

I know someone who went to their sister to deliver her sons. The sister is a midwife. I don’t know that much about how it went but it must have been OK because she did the same thing with the second baby.

finnaryn on January 14th, 2008

I dont’ think there is anything wrong with Nicole’s parents being actively involved in the delivery, but I do think it is not a bad idea to have a midwife present as well. Yes her dad is a doctor, but not an OB. And yes, her mom is a nurse but I don’t know if she is an OB nurse.

But what it really comes down to is what Nicole wants and feels comfortable with. If their parents delivered her sister’s babies then that is what she probably feels comfortable with.

foggy mind on January 14th, 2008

How weird. I am not going to cast the stone but it seems very odd to my eyes.
I personally wouldn’t like to do such a thing.

Fynn on January 14th, 2008

It seems perfectly fine to me if she wants her parents to help deliver the baby, especially if they’ve already done it for her sister. Asking her parents to be involved doesn’t preclude having the appropriate experts on call or nearby–I’m sure Nicole (and her parents) will take the right precautions in case of emergency.

bkl on January 14th, 2008

My father is an OB and he delivers over 250 babies a year. We have a great relationship and I have no question on his competency as a doctor. That being said, I honestly don’t think I would be comfortable with him delivering my baby unless in an extreme emergency. Additionally, I don’t think he would agree to deliver any of his children’s babies because if something went wrong, I don’t think he could live with himself. That, I feel, is more of a reason than liability issues. He didn’t deliver me or any of my siblings either.

sarah on January 14th, 2008

This is another example of the media totally twisting things out of proportion. Nicole has not said anything about her birth plans or anything else other than to say, she’s thrilled about the pregnancy. The media has just jumped on the news that Nicole’s parents were there at the birth of her sister’s baby, but that does not mean they delivered the baby. Her sister’s 8 year old daughter was also present, because her mom wanted her to experience an immediate bonding to the new baby. I’m sure they played no more a part than any father to be would. Nicole’s sister was estranged from her husband and probably needed the support during birth.

Morgan on January 14th, 2008

I personally wouldn’t want my father delivering my child. Too much of an “ick” factor for me. There are just some things a father shouldn’t see. But this also just isn’t Nicole’s decision, Keith also has to feel comfortable with this. He is the daddy after all and should have a say. The Kidman’s seem very close and that’s great, but sometimes that closeness has seemed at the exclusion of the spouses.

Heather on January 14th, 2008

It’s her choice. I don’t think it’s that odd. Who cares if he is “qualified” to deliver a baby. Look at all the OBs who give c-sections at the first sign of possible trouble because they don’t want their malpractice insurance to go up. I don’t think that’s exactly better.

My husband has “delivered” both of my children at home with the very hands off assistance of two midwives and will most likely do the same with this one.

Morgan on January 14th, 2008

Antonia’s husband WAS at the birth of their daughter. Antonia said so herself. The estrangement didn’t happen until after.

tdevol on January 14th, 2008

This is really ridiculous and the media spin is just irritating. First of all, it’s no one’s business how she plans to give birth. Second of all there is nothing wrong with a non-doctor delivering a child. I delivered my own child for gods sake. Sure a midwife was present but I pulled him out of me, I reached down and got him and I pulled him as far up to my chest as the cord would allow him to go. Women have been having babies for thousands of years without OB’s and with the help of family members. Is it dangerous? Birth itself is dangerous most times you have good outcomes, sometimes bad but that doesn’t mean we should all run to hospitals for fear of the bad. I had a horrible first birth at a hospital and was closer to death then than when birthing my second child myself under the watchful eye of a midwife.

Brooke on January 14th, 2008

I agree that this is probably all speculation, but even if it isn’t, maybe they have agreed on an unassisted childbirth (UC) or maybe they will have a midwife. It’s their choice and just because family members may be part of the medical profession doesn’t mean that they will manage her labor and birth in any way. Home birth is a safe option for many pregnancies. Don’t believe everything you hear and read!

emma on January 14th, 2008

I think that to have this as a “plan” is perfectly fine and normal. I am sure that if any of Nicole’s pre-natal check ups show any problems then she will deliver in the hospital surrounded by the appropriate doctors and midwives just like any woman would. But, if there are no problems and Nicole and Keith want grandma and grandpa to assist with the delivery then good luck to them – it’s not uncommon for a woman to have her mum at the birth is it? I’m sure they’ll have the right people on standby if need be!

Nina on January 14th, 2008

I understand all the concern, but I also think it’s a beautiful thing for Nicole to wany to share this very special experience with her family in this way. Some people cook and eat the placenta, which I think is SO gross, but if it’s a part of a ritual that allows someone to share in the experience of bringing life into the world, so be it.

KAREN on January 14th, 2008

Where does the media get this info? I am sure that Keith and Nicole, being 40 years old and adults would not do anything that would harm the outcome of this pregnancy. As far as I know, they have not had a press conference to discuss this. It is early in the pregnancy and these decisions may not have even been made yet. Women have been delivering babys for years with and without a doctor or midwife. I am sure that there is going to be many rumors and much speculation about this birth in the next 6 months. I hope Keith and Nicole have a laugh or two over it!!

audrey on January 14th, 2008

My cousin, an OB/GYN, delivered my son by c-section. I discussed how she felt both before I became pg and when it became evident that I would need a c-section. She had one of her partners assist during the surgery to help deliver instead of her nurse practitioner just in case. I was a scheduled c-section though for various reasons.

It was actually so wonderful to be able to call her at home before, during, and after my pregnancy with questions.

M on January 14th, 2008

the one thing i would personally feel uncomfortable with is the idea of a male family member (aside from my husband,of course) being the one ‘with a view’,so to speak….its something i personally couldnt do,is all. (my two earthbound babes were: born UC,and second,born in hospital still totally natural. i am actually much happier with my hospital birth,because my mother showed up uninvited beside me during my UC and i have always,always hated that. i would love another homebirth someday..sans her presence..)

Hea on January 14th, 2008

It’s their choice. People have been delivering their grandchildren for thousands and thousands of years.

PSB on January 14th, 2008

I’m sure Nicole’s dad is a great shrink but seriously!!!!

Why can’t her mom and dad just assist in the birth, with a midwife or doctor leading the way? I would not personally feel comfortable having my non obgyn parents do this – especially if I had a spotty fertility history and were having my first bby at such an advanced maternal age. Delivering a woman’s 4th child is so different – they practically waltz out at that point and the woman has been through delivery so many times, she will most likely realize if something is not right, in time to get help.

asm1976 on January 14th, 2008

Why is this such a scandal? This is their business and where do these “experts” get off putting their 2 cents in? It’s got to be hard to be a celebrity. Everyone things they have the right to psycho-analyze everything you do.

Fee on January 14th, 2008

In most countries, this practice is not deemed as uncommon. I would hope that the family consults with a midwife or a MD before proceeding with this endeavor. The US is obsessed with doctors delivering children, more money in the hospitals problem I guess. I don’t think its all THAT weird.

Luci on January 14th, 2008

OK, I hope this is an unsubstantiated rumor. I am a Daddy’s little girl – I love my father and think he’s one of the (if not the) greatest man alive. That being said, I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with him delivering my child, whether he was a medical doctor or not. I think there’s a big difference between your husband, your sister, your mother, or even yourself delivering the child and your father being down there when the baby crowns, checking for the head, etc…

Erika on January 14th, 2008

Jeeze! She just can’t catch a break! First she has the media telling her she’s pregnant when she’s not (which has to hurt for a woman who has been trying to have children unsuccessfully). Then when she does get pregnant, one of the first things the media talks about is this (and blows it out of proportion in my opinion). Just let her enjoy her pregnancy!

J on January 14th, 2008

Nobody has problems with this when it is a small tribe in some far off place who’s grandmother or mother delivers the baby with the help of aunts and so forth.

No doubt someone got the rumor all wrong and she just wants her parents there with her, NOT delivering the baby themselves.

Monika on January 14th, 2008

women have had home births for years and came thru it fine. giving birth is not a time to be modest. if she is comfortable with it then i say go for it. i know a few women who have had home births two with only their husbands to assist.

Beverley on January 14th, 2008

My sister-in-law is a midwife and we discussed what it would be like for her to deliver my kids, and she said “when you’ve seen one vagina, you’ve seen them all,” I just couldn’t get over the fact that she would have seen mine and we would have to sit around the table at Thanksgiving and Easter with me thinking about it. But to each their own.

I have had 2 births with complications, and I was glad to be in the hospital where there were NICU doctors to take care of my sons. I couldn’t care less about me having a problem at that point. And if I ever have a 3rd, I think I am too spooked by the trauma of the first 2 to do it any differently. I hope that it goes smoothly for her and whoever is there knows how to get help for the baby if needed.

Leene on January 14th, 2008

I don’t see anything wrong with having a parent or parents in the room when you are delivering or actually participating in delivery IF they are qualified. My Mom who is a labor and delivery nurse helped with my delivery and was with my sister during her three deliveries. She plans to stay at the hospital she is with until my other sister has her first child this June. If the parent is NOT a qualified OB then I don’t believe they should participate they should act as a coach.

Leene

HardCandy on January 14th, 2008

Note to the ladies who said the wouldn’t want their father down their to deliver: the vaginal is not totally a sexual organ it only becomes sexual when you/society prescribe those kind of characteristics to it. A vagina with a head coming out of it isn’t very sexy anyway. Do you think your father never changed your diaper? What if an emergency were to happen like on television where the woman is trapped in the elevator would you tell you father “turn away dad I don’t want you to see me like this.” I wouldn’t care if my father delivered my baby or was in the delivery room to see the birth, although he would probably prefer to wait outside.

Cindy on January 14th, 2008

I just wish everyone would leave Nicole alone and let her enjoy her pregnancy and birth of her baby. It is her life, let her live it.

Voiceofreason on January 14th, 2008

I seriously think reporters need to get a grip.

FIRSTLY the whole article is based on rumour and gossip. Someone has spread the rumour that her parents are going to deliver her child purely because they work in the medical field. The other day the Daily Mail in the UK published how Nicole might upset her sister for delivering in the private hospital next door. *rolleyes*

Secondly its NONE of anyone’s business how and where anyone delivers their baby or whom is involved in it. Just because she is a celebrity, doesn’t mean that gives anyone, least of all reporters from a supposedly reputable broadsheet, the right to make up news items and then get the AMA and college of OBGYNs involved.

Honestly, i feel really sort for NK and her family and I wish that we did not have to sit through scurrilous news articles every day in the SMH during her pregnancy.

Voiceofreason on January 14th, 2008

P.S Furthermore, I do not think her parents are that stupid to deliver their grandchild themselves without other attending medical staff.

pink.lioness on January 14th, 2008

I was close to my father, but the thought of him delivering my baby – especially with a vaginal birth – no way. Not in a million years! I would never have been able to relax and feel comfortable in that situation.

pink.lioness on January 14th, 2008

HardCandy,

I don’t think my father ever changed my diaper because back then that wasn’t common yet, and my dad was “older”, and quite old-fashioned, truth be told.

But even if he had changed my diaper, that wouldn’t have involved his “probing” inside of me, as is necessary during the delivery of a child. Apart from the fact that it can’t be the same for any man to see their baby daughter lying naked in front of them, or their adult daughter.

As for the “elevator emergency” – sure, in an emergency everything changes, an emergency puts everything in perspective. You have to put up with it because you have no choice. But that doesn’t mean I’d feel comfortable with it, and it would certainly not be something I’d CHOOSE for the delivery of my baby.

cindy m. on January 14th, 2008

yet again, look at how out of control and judgemental people get with this rumour, just like last weeks’ Christina’s c-section rumor. I doubt it is true, being this early on, and secondly, she is so private I doubt she would share her birth plan with the media. If it is true, why do I care? It may not be my style, but why judge? it is all about the mother’s delivery preference. Time and again, this website proves women are catty and do not stand together with other women without judgement. I wish Nicole the nest with whatever style of birth she plans.

Ada on January 14th, 2008

OH JEEZ. What is the big deal?! My dad changed all my diapers and gave me my baths when I was little. He is a wonderful man and we have a great relationship.

I would have no problem with my Dad watching my delivery or helping with it, if need be. He is my FATHER, for peet’s sake, not some lecher. He gave me life. There is nothing sexual or disgusting about it. I’m sure my dad would love to be a part of his grandchild’s birth.

If thats what Nicole wants, then everyone can leave her alone. Its absolutely no one’s business.

Nicki on January 14th, 2008

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but theirs…

Jeannie on January 14th, 2008

My concern is Nicole’s age and history. I would think with her past pregnancies and her age, she would be a high risk mom-to-be and should be seeing a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. I don’t see a problem with her parents being in the delivery room, but a qualified high-risk OB-GYN should do the actual delivery.

Annoyomus on January 15th, 2008

First of all, I want to say that I think that this should be posted as a Rumor, since, as many commentors have said, that’s basically what it is. The contervorsey part isn’t a rumor, no, but Nicole wanting her parents to deliver her child is.

We haven’t heard anything from Nicole, Keith, any of their family members, their reps, or any other reliable source.

That said, if this IS true, I don’t think Nicole should be criticized for it. It is her body, her baby, her choice. I understand the concern about Nicole’s age. However, I’m sure that, if any problems are revealed at her prenatal appointments or if complications arise (she developes preeclampsia, for example), she will definently deliver in a hospital with a trained OB assiting (yes, I said assisting. The fact of the matter is, with a vaginal birth, about all the doctor does is catch the baby at the end. The mother is the one who delivers).

However, if Nicole’s pregnancy goes well, and the baby isn’t breech or really big or anything like that, I see no reason why she shouldn’t be able to have a UC if she so choses.

Sarah’s note: It is. That’s why it says possibly and is in the rumor category.

Alison on January 15th, 2008

I recently gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl in mid-december. I am a nurse in a labor and delivery unit. I was so against a “medical” delivery that I opted to give birth at home with my parents and my husbands parents present, and that was all. My mother is a nurse and my father a retired EMT. The birth was incredible! Having only family there was everything! God bless Nicole for wanting this! If I am blessed with another pregnancy I would do it againt he same way. Birth is painful but so worth it! I pray for the best for Nicole and Keith as they embark on their journey of pregnancy and birth!

Carrie Jo on January 15th, 2008

I don’t see any problem with it as long as they’re properly trained and have an emergency plan in place (which, no doubt they would have).

Kris on January 15th, 2008

As a pediatric Rn with extensive obstetrics experience I would not be comfortable for someone who was not a trained obstetrics professional delivering a baby in a hospital with emergency equipment available for both mum and infant UNLESS it was an emergency and it was the only option. Nicole is an older woman who has a history of obstetrical/gynecological problems as she has been quoted as saying she suffered an ectopic pregnancy. WHY take the risk when she has seeemingly waited so long and tried so hard to conceive this child?

Lindy on January 15th, 2008

I agree this is probably taken out of context.

Tiffany N. on January 15th, 2008

My mother caught my son, and it was the most wonderful thing in the world. It was so nice having someone I trusted implicitly ready to help me as I birthed. Anyone is qualified to “catch” a baby, and it sounds as if he has some knowledge in the area, since he’s done it before. I think she will have a wonderful and memorable birth experience. As for me, my mom won’t be catching any future babes, because I’ll be doing it myself.

Kidzaplenty on January 15th, 2008

I don’t know if it is true or not, but my own father and mother assisted me in the delivery of my first four children. They are not doctors either. I have had all my children at home and the last ones totally unassisted. And although, I do admit, it was a tad uncomfortable with the birth of my first child for about 5 minutes, after that, I would have had it no other way. It created a bond between me and my father as well as a bond between my daughter and my father that could never be matched.

JJ on January 15th, 2008

Sadley, I am not a mommy yet but if I ever do have children, I would not want my dad looking at my va-jay-jay while I am giving birth. I know that some women are very comfortable with their father’s watching them while they give birth but I wouldn’t because that is my dad (and I have too much respect for him to blind his eyes like that . I agree with one of the previous commentors: If it is even true that Nicole plans on having her parents birth her baby, considering her age and previous history of failed pregnancies, she seems to be taking a big risk, should something go wrong. Either way though, I’m very happy for her ! Suri Cruise is just the cutest little thing but it’s Nicole’s time to shine!

pialuto on January 15th, 2008

This is actually a fresh rumor coming from some medical sources that Nicole actually isn’t pregnant but that she and Keith are using sister Antonia as a surrogate or perhaps someone else.

KAREN on January 16th, 2008

This is on the latest comment made regarding Nicole not being pregnant, etc. I am suprised that it took this rumor so long to get out there. It was reported months ago that they were adopting and now this. First off, Nicole does have a little bit of a tummy that she has not had before (she has always been almost “too” thin) and second, if this were true, they would not be the first people in the world to do this. We adopted a girl when she was almost 10 (3 years ago) and she is our daughter now in every sense of the word. It takes more than a sperm or egg donation to be a parent.

KellyC on January 16th, 2008

This is Nicole’s body, therefore it is Nicole’s choice. There are plenty of women who safely deliver their own babies, or have their husband/significant other deliver the baby at home. Being an obstetrician does not guarantee a good outcome. Birth is risky any way you look at it, and research has shown that home births are the least risky for mom and baby (interventions, germs, etc.).

Missy on January 16th, 2008

Why is this just about Nicole and Nicole’s wishes? I would think her husband would have a say and WANT to be the one to help deliver the baby. It seems he’s being pushed out. It’s very strange and somewhat disturbing.

terri on January 16th, 2008

Is her father a doctor? Atrained mental health specialist doesn’t sound like doctor to me. I only want medical personnel assisting in my delivering and I would prefer them to not be related.

Annoyomus on January 17th, 2008

Missy- First of all, this is just a rumor, so it may not even be true.

Even if it is true, nowhere has it been said that Keith won’t also be assisting with the delivery. There is even a chance that all he’ll want to do is be there to support Nicole and cut the cord.

Anonymous on January 17th, 2008

I also want to add that (again, if this is even true), for all we know, Keith IS okay with having Nicole’s parents help with the birth.

CathyS on January 20th, 2008

So. It’s more “normal” for basically a complete stranger to attend the birth of a baby (let’s face it, other than my OB’s name I knew NOTHING about them. Do most of you moms know more than that about your OBs?) than it would be ones own father who loves and cares about you. My father changed my diapers as a baby. He and I share no sexual feelings, no more than my OB and I did when I delivered in a hospital. Whether or not any of this is anyone’s business ANYWAYS, I think it’s great. Better to have someone involved who has MOMs and BABY’s best interests in mind and not the current medical community who are far from that sadly enough. Our infant mortality rates are proof of that despite the vast majority of hospital births in this country, pretty sad; we are ranking in the 30′s right above Cuba and South Korea… Apparently SOME of us have noticed this trend and are concerned. The rest of those who blindly trust the OB community are, as they say, putting their heads in the sand.

Pam on July 16th, 2008

You all are sick !!