CBB on MTV Canada

Hey Canadian readers! I appeared on MTV Canada tonight, on MTV Live.  They asked me to chat about young moms in Hollywood, if I think Nicole Richie’s pregnancy was planned, and if Paris Hilton was serious about wanting to adopt or have kids soon.  I’ll post the video later.

What do you think?

Please note- this is not a pro-life vs pro-choice discussion- the original question was what do you think the right age to have a baby is.  All questions about abortion from here on out will not be approved because I don’t want this to spiral out of control like it always does when we’re talking about such a hot button topic.  And because I know people will give me a hard time about limiting the conversation, I will tell you that I am 1,000% pro-choice.  Part of that is feeling that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs about this but please apply them to your own life and do not judge others for the choices they make until you walk a mile in their shoes.

Comments

For me, the ideal age to get pregnant would be between 26 and 36, but really it’s more about being financially secure enough to have children, and not an age. If I were to become pregnant now (it would be unplanned), I’d probably get rid of it. I just can’t see myself becoming a mother at this stage in my life, though I’d perhaps play with the idea of adoption.

- Anne on September 24th, 2007

I can’t say that there is a specific age that is ideal for everyone. I was 17 when I had my first… definitely too young for everyone in my opinion! I have to say that the positive side of having them young is that I’m going to be in their lives longer. My mom was 42 when she had me and we may lose her in the next couple of years. I’m too young to without a mother, in my opinion. I’m only 25.
Unplanned pregnacy? I’d probably go smack my husband! – J/K I’d probably just figure that there is a special little someone anxious to get here. For those who are probably wondering, my first was a PLANNED pregnancy.

- Camilla on September 24th, 2007

i don’t believe there is an ideal age, but when you are ready. for me, it was 19. most women are not ready for children at that age, but i feel it worked out for me. i wouldn’t change a thing. i’m 23, and have a 4-year-old and 18-month-old and i feel really good about the timing of it all, and i’ll be excited to expand the family, somewhere down the road.

- jaQ on September 25th, 2007

Of course, lifestyles and relationship issues factor in, but socially and healthwise, I believe 24 to 32 are the best years for child-bearing. I am not that age any longer, and started younger and finished later, my youngest and oldest being 20 years apart with 2 in between. Planned or unplanned, my pregnancies were exciting times, so I would just adjust to the situation and make the best of it. See it as a blessing and an adventure. I had planned on two, and was young at their arrival. The third, a decade later, was a surprise, and that spouse then had a vasectomy. I was widowed young and now glad that I was able to have a child (my 4th, his only and the only grandchild on his side of the family, besides the step-children) with my second husband. If we are blessed with a late-arriving surprise, it will be an exciting one.

- Daze on September 25th, 2007

I don’t think there is an “ideal age” to get pregnant…it depends on each woman…when you feel ready to become a mom.
I got pregnant at 26 yrs old, after 3 years of marriage. That was the perfect age for me, because I worked since I was 18 years old, and I felt I was ready to stop working and be a full time mommy Now I’m 29 and we are planning to have our second child next year.

- sil on September 25th, 2007

I just had my first and only abortion and I am going to be turning 22 on sunday and am engaged it is just that I am not ready and I really don’t think you can put an age on the right time to have a child you and your partner just have to be ready and although I was ready he was not and I was worried about being 6 months and 3 weeks pregnant walking the isle. I just couldn’t put that stress on myself and my partner plus we wouldn’t be able to afford it so don’t think you have to be a certain age just be ready for you emotional and finanially ready because if not you may be stressing more then you need to be. thanks for reading even if you don’t agree have a great one.

- Beeb on September 25th, 2007

I don’t think there is any ideal age to get pregnant, it all depends on the person and their life circumstances, and how the person will change their life/handle a baby at the time, etc. Someone could be ready for a baby at 16 with an unplanned pregnancy, and someone couldn’t be ready at 30. I personally got pregnant at 18 with an unexpected baby, but we worked very hard to get established and ready before the baby came. We changed everything in our lives, from moving to an unknown town on the prairies to switching around all of our priorities. And once she came, we were definately ready. I’m expecting our second child in March, and I’m still only 21. But there is nothing I think I’m better at in life than beinig a good mom, and I’ve very proud of myself for embracing the role and becoming the best mom I could ever be.

- MommyX1 on September 25th, 2007

From a reader in Canada…I’ll definitely have to watch!

As for the questions, those are tough. If you’d asked me 10 years ago what the idea age was to get pregnant, I would’ve said somewhere between 25-30 yrs old. Now that I’m 33 and struggling with health issues (not fertility related), it’s shocking that I’m not yet a mom; it’s what I’ve always wanted to be. We’re hoping 2008 will be the year though.
I’ve also heard great things about becoming a parent in your 30′s, and I think for me it probably turned out for the best. I was able to pursue my Masters degree, etc.
I wouldn’t blink if there was an “unplanned” pregnancy in my future. DH and I are happily married and having a baby is something we both want more than anything.
Looking forward to watching you on TV Danielle!

- Charlene on September 25th, 2007

IMO, there is no ideal age to get pregnant, I feel as though it will happen when it is supposed to happen. As for me, i got married in 2002 at 21, had my first child at 22 and my second at 25…. now to a lot of people, mostly judgemental older mothers, will say I was too young to get married and have children but I’ve learned to not give a @$%# what other people think and just worry about my own family and my kids think I’m the best mom ever anyway :)

as for unplanned pregnancies, I personally have never had one, but its my opinion that you know there could be consequences when you have sex and you are responsible for your actions, so if you end up pregnant take responsibility, whether it be having the child or giving it up for adoption… but no child deserves abortion, just my opinion

- Christine on September 25th, 2007

Ideal age: somewhere between 25 and 35 although I have friends on either end of that who have had children.
As for an unplanned pregnancy, I agree with you Christine that every baby deserves life and if it’s something you can’t handle there are SO many couples who would love your baby to bits! Again, my opinion = )

- Andrea on September 25th, 2007

Interesting question. I’d say that for me, the ideal timeline would be to marry at 25 or so, have one or two years as a couple before getting pregnant, start having kids around 27 or 28, and end around 36-37. I’d like to have somewhere around four children and spread them 3 to 4 years apart, so ideally I’d have them around the ages of 27, 31, 34, and another between 35-37.

However, I don’t plan on having any children at all until my husband and I are financially stable enough to give our child(ren) a lifestyle that ensures they won’t need to worry about money growing up. I expect them to get jobs as teens, but I don’t want to deny them things such as going out to dinner, plays, etc., taking vacations, and private school tutition, at the college level or below. I got a job at 16 to pay for my clothes and entertainment, so while I was working for and earning my own money to support my own desires instead of running to Daddy every time I saw a purse that I liked, I always felt financially secure and never worried about money because my parents worked hard, had their only child later in life (38 and 40), and never overspent. When I got to college, I realized how rare my situation is, and I made the decision that until my husband and I were in a similar financial situation, I would rather not have children. If that means I’m in my later 20s, that’s awesome. If that means I’m adopting in my later 30s/early 40s, that’s great also.

I obviously have no idea when I’ll have kids, but the plan I have for how I want to live and how kids will fit into that plan makes me that more driven to succeed as an adult.

- Lauren on September 25th, 2007

On should never say ‘get rid of it’. It’s human life and ‘it’s’ not an ‘IT’. I’m not sorry saying this. Every child deserves a chance at life. Just because two people were not responsible enough and careful doesn’t mean a life should be ‘ruined’ because of someone’s own ‘mistakes’. I won’t say anymore about this except that one day those that have abortions will have to answer to God. It’s murder plain and simple. I won’t apologize for stating that.

- Doreen on September 25th, 2007

I would say around 25-35 but I think it depends on the person. I’m 23 and don’t think I would like kids before 30 but I might change my mind. My mum had me when she was nearly 30 and my sister when she was 35. She said she was seen as an older first time mother.
If I had an unplanned pregnancy, I don’t really know what I would do. It would depend on the situation.

- Marietta on September 25th, 2007

While I think it depends on many thing, including financial securtity, one thing is for sure, being a good parent is life changing and means you are not out partying every night etc. In my experience of working with young parents, many feel they need to have this fun as a part of their lives compared to 35 year old first time moms!
I read a study once that said between 28 – 38. It looked at personal emotional health, finances, ability to put child’s needs ahead of yours etc.
Some young mom’s are amazing at this, but on the whole I think it’s a fair assessment.
I don’t think Paris was serious
I don’t think Nicole’s baby was planned

- lola on September 25th, 2007

I’ll add, when I was 21, even 23 I thought oh yes get married at 25 have kids 2 years later. The reality is I started looking at what was important for when children arrived: being able to take time off work and go back part time, being able to have a good size downpayment for a house so that we were not mortgaged up to our ears and therefor unable to have time off work with each arrival etc. So actually by the time I got to 25 I was thinking 30 was more ideal! My best friend had two children at 21 and 23 and then 2 more at 33 and 35, she says hands down she was the bestter mother in her 30′s -was more safety conscious, breastfed for longer, did more bonding activities…my other friend had 3 kids by the time she was 30 and while she was a good mom, I honestly looked at her at times and think she needs to grow up. She spends most of her vacation days with her friends instead of her kids, has two vacations a year one with friends one with hubby. They couldn’t afford for her to not work (big mortgage – NYC) so they hired an overseas au pair and she was back at work asap, breastfed for about 8 weeks becuase she missed not being able to go out with friends. ROLL on 10 years and she had baby 4 – what a difference…she breastfed for over a year, took longer FMLA and then decided to take a less well paid job that would allow her to work 4 days a week (2 from home) so she didn’t miss out, she spends her days happily with her kids, her friends are still important but they are not the priority now. So I guess in my experience as a teen and in my early 20′s we all think you need to have your kids by 30, but in reality 40 is the new 30! lol

- Lola on September 25th, 2007

I was watching MTV Live for Iron & Wine and I was so surprised to see you! Great job Shame about the connection problem though!

- S...x on September 25th, 2007

I think it’s pretty harsh to come online and make such broad statements like “every baby is wanted”. That just isn’t true. As far as saying that many couples would love to adopt someone’s child, that is also completely false. The truth is, and that is seen on this board, many couples do not want to adopt for whatever reasons. You often hear stories about parents wanting to adopt and waiting forever, what you don’t hear is that they are waiting for the perfect blond-haired, blue eyes, Irish/German girl. There are ALOT of children waiting to be adopted who just don’t meet some couples’ “requirements”.

- Adoptive-MOM on September 25th, 2007

I am 39 and have 2 children –my daughter just turned 4 this summer and my son recently turned 1. This is my 2nd marriage, so my parenting game-plan was most definitely different from the original one I had many years ago with my first marriage.

Back then, I was(seemingly) happily married, and faced with a devastating situation that immediately ended my marriage. I was also in the 3rd trimester of a pregnancy at that time, after which I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that I placed for adoption. Under the circumstances this was the best thing for the baby and me, but excruciatingly difficult.

I had a long time to heal (almost 10 yrs) before I met my husband. I’m so thankful for him and our beautiful, healthy children. Part of me can’t help but feel bittersweet about the timing of things. I wish I could be 10 yrs. younger so that we could have more children, and more time together.

- KW on September 26th, 2007

Christine- ITA! The only time I think abortion is okay is when the baby has a defect or a disabiltiy that would cause it to die either before or shortly after birth (like Anencephaly, for example).

I understand that some people end up pregnant before they are ready to raise a child. However, what I don’t understand is why so many of them seem to forget that there is another option besides abortion…giving the baby up for ADOPTION!

- Annoyomus on September 26th, 2007

the original question was , what do you think the ideal age is to have a baby, yes but you also asked what would you do if you had an unplanned pregnancy( or something to that effect, I can’t remember word for word because it was edited), so you can’t expect people to refrain from discussing abortion just saying…

- Christine on September 27th, 2007