Kevin Kline allows kids into the family bed

Kevin Kline, 59, agrees with fellow actor Brad Pitt when it comes to the family bed, also known as co-sleeping. He and his wife, actress Phoebe Cates, 44, still allow son Owen, 16, and daughter, Greta, 13, to join them at night.

There is a theory that a child has to teach itself to go to sleep, andif every time it cries you whisk them out of their bed — the jury isstill out on that. But our kids still sleep in our bed.

Kevin admits that every parent questions whether or not to have their children sleep with them.

There are so many books that say ‘It’s the family bed, why not?’ and there are others that say ‘Oh no.’ It all depends about their age.’

Source: OK! Magazine

For more information about the family bed, visit Ask Dr. Sears.
 

Comments

I hate to criticize personal parenting syles, but teenagers sleeping in the same bed as their parents is plain inappropriate.

- HMD on September 20th, 2007

soooo agree with him…. love sleeping with my daughter each night… pregnant with my second and looking forward to our growing family bed. will never understand those that leave their babies to cry – it is heart breaking. my child has never cried alone in a bed, a dark room and is the most well adjusted, calm, happy, healthy child i know! love when people in the public eye advocate such healthy attitudes toward parenting….

- lele on September 20th, 2007

Yay! How wonderful for him to share that. Co-sleeping saved my sanity in the beginning when my daughter was nursing around the clock. Now it helps us connect at the end of the day, as well as the beginning. Nothing is sweeter than waking up to a snuggly little lump saying, “Good morning, daddy! Good morning, mama!”

- Sarah on September 20th, 2007

I grew up sleeping in my parents’ bed. My father was a truck driver and was gone a lot, so my mom would always let my sister and I sleep with her. However, when we got to be too big for all of us to sleep in the bed, I remember those nights of my dad carrying me to my room.

I treasure those times of going to sleep knowing that my mom was right there. It made my feel safe.

To this day, when I visit my parents, if my mom is laying down, I go and lay beside her and it just feels like coming home.

- Angela, CBB Sports Contributor on September 20th, 2007

When I as growing up, it was the same with Angela. Now that I am an adult, when I’m visiting my mum I still crawl into bed to watch TV with her before she goes to bed. It is a comfort thing and it was especially comforting when my father lay dying in the hospital that I knew that if I needed it, I could lay next to her when my husband wasn’t there.

If the kids are uncomfortable with it, then they’ll stop it. If not, why cause a fuss.

- Devon on September 20th, 2007

I agree. 16 and 13 are way too old to be hopping into mommy and daddy’s bed. I can see if it’s morning and you want quality time just snuggling but actually staying there at night? don’t think so! And if my 16 yr. old wanted to sleep in bed w/ me, I would think there is something wrong!

- J.M. on September 20th, 2007

HMD, I couldn’t agree more about teens sleeping with parents. I wasn’t raised like that and I think (especially if it’s mother/son or father/daughter) it’s kind of creepy.

While I do sometimes let my 6-year-old twins into our bed(when they’re sick or upset)… ie/ when our daughter had meningitis and I had her sleep in my bed because I wanted to keep a VERY close eye on her), most of the time we encourage them to sleep in their own. That’s not to say I let them cry in their beds when they were babies/toddlers. We went in, calmed them, and were then able to leave. They were always assured that mom and dad would respond, so they were able to become independent and didn’t rely on us at night.

When we moved into our new house a few weeks ago, it was a bit traumatic for them, so when they asked to share a bed on the first night, we let them. They’ve been fine ever since. We really play it by ear.

I don’t think we could sleep with them on a regular basis. My daughter snores and my son stirs a lot.

- TwinMom on September 20th, 2007

We don’t have a “family bed”. My 1-year-old daughter slept in our room until she started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. Since then she’s been sleeping in her crib in her room and it hasn’t been a problem. We don’t leave her in there to be alone and cry, if she wakes up during the night we go in and lay her back down and she falls right back to sleep. I’m not against other families doing thigs differently if it works for them, though. I just don’t understand I guess…I would think that it would affect your relationship with your partner. I feel that parents need a space that’s just theirs, and time to spend alone together.

Regarding the post, it is disturbing to me that kids that age are sleeping in a bed with their parents. Couldn’t they even get into legal trouble over allowing that? Here in Kentucky and probably in a lot of places, let’s say someone is recieving help with the government for housing. I believe they check to make sure all children over a certain age of the opposite sex have their own rooms. There’s reasons for that.

- Stephanie on September 20th, 2007

I am totally in favor of co-sleeping with young children, but 16 and 13 is inappropriate. That is just poor boundaries plain and simple. I don’t think Dr. Sears advocates teenaged children in the same bed with their parents.

- Liz on September 20th, 2007

I’m 16 years old and I still love to lay in bed with my mom/grandpa/gramma. When I was younger I did it all the time. At one time I slept in my grandparents bedroom (on a cot). Me and my grandfather will lay in bed and watch Star Trek all day! When my parents are home at night, I go to their room and watch CSI marathons.

Sometimes, it does seem a little creepy, but there are times when something gets to you and you need your mommy. I think it’s okay, I get panic and anxiety attacks frequently, and if my daughter has them as well, I don’t want her to go through them alone. It’s tough when your scared out of your mind and alone.

It all depends on the family, but if it works for them, great!

- Cassandra on September 20th, 2007

IMO it is NOT appropriate for teens to sleep with their parents. That just seems a little perverted and I don’t think it’s good for a child/teen psychologically.

My husband and I didn’t/don’t sleep with our kids….. the only exception being when they were 1-2 months old, suffered some colic and found comfort sleeping on our chests. At that point we would have done anything to get some sleep!!

Other than that, we enjoy being alone in bed… just the two of us! It’s our time to cuddle, chat, and whatever! Our children are older now and love their rooms/beds. They each have queen size beds and great decor… I don’t think they’d want to sleep with mom and dad. We have our quality family time OUTSIDE the bedroom.

- LaurieF on September 20th, 2007

Cassandra, NO OFFENSE intended but could your anxiety and panic attacks be a side effect of such habits as sleeping with your parents (and even more so) your grandparents? My daughter is 6 and is sort of an anxious type, so we’re careful how we deal with her. She does tend to be somewhat clingy and we try to reassure her without giving in to her fears. You’re a big girl… 16 is almost an adult! You should be able to sleep on your own. Anxiety can be managed in more appropriate ways.

- Tracy on September 20th, 2007

lots of people do family beds. It’s not inappropriate if nothing inappropriate is going on. The only thing I just never understand is that the kids must go to bed earlier then the parents so, how do they all unwind together, then leave them in there and then go back to bed. or are parents going to bed at 8 (which actually sounds like a good idea, i’m usually exhausted by that time)

- juliana on September 20th, 2007

Wow! I love him for not being afraid to voice out his parenting style. I never slept with my parents at that age but that was because I was sharing my bedroom and bed with my younger sister.

- happy on September 20th, 2007

Sleeping with your teen children is very inappropriate.Men wake up sometimes in the middle of the night feeling amorous – I know my hubby does! – and if you’re half asleep, well I don’t need to paint a picture.

- Kim on September 20th, 2007

Regardless of whether the family bed is right or wrong, I bet those kids are MORTIFIED that dad is talking about it in public!

- Brianne on September 20th, 2007

Kim, you have got to be kidding. What on earth possessed you to make a statement like that? Why has this whole thread become so seedy and nasty when the original post was so sweet and loving? Inappropriateness is in the eye of the beholder, and culture has something to do with whether kids room in with their parents as well. It’s just snuggling and sleeping people, teenagers need cuddles too! The fact that so many of you all jump to these types of conclusions is actually really alarming in itself.

- tary on September 20th, 2007

I think it’s great to have a family bed when the kids are small. We had our older child sleeping by herself and went through all kinds of trauma with it and our younger nursed for almost two years and slept with us during that time. It was great and he’s the most well-adjusted, calm child ever. When he turned two we started putting him down in his bed but every time he woke up at night, he’d come to our bed and we’d wake up with him anyway. Eventually, he wanted to sleep on his own. That being said, I think that teens should not share the bed with their parents unless there is a very good reason for it (illness, trauma etc).

- millie on September 20th, 2007

To Tracy -
No, actually, I have low blood sugar, I forget to eat every two hours and panic attacks come. It’s a hassle, since I can barely remember to do my chores let alone eat when I’m not hungry. I haven’t slept in the bed, I nap, but I need a whole bed to myself at night lol.

My parents and close family members know how to deal with this stuff, and me, so they can get me back to normal faster. And is it so wrong to want to cuddle with your mom?! My mom has days when all she wants to do is cuddle with her mom!

It depends on the person.

- Cassandra on September 20th, 2007

My parents always had an open door policy and whenever there was a storm or I had a nightmare, I would stay in bed with them for a few hours and then go back to me bed when I felt calm enough. I did this up until I left for college. I never slept in their bed though as a child.

I have no problem with cosleeping, but I do wonder how it affects your sex life with your husband and also wonder about logistical things like differing bedtimes and guardrails for toddlers. Don’t they fall out when you’re not there? How do you get ready for bed without them waking up? It just seems like too many factors to me to make it worth it full-time. We had our baby in our room for the first 4 months in a bassinet and slept in the same bed on trips, but I just really prefer to have my own space when I sleep and think it affects my baby’s sleep when I toss and turn. Also – when we were in the same room, my son never wanted to sleep, only play all night.

Anyway – to each their own, but IMO full time cosleeping with teenagers is kind of encouraging arrested development complexes. They really need to have more independence at that age.

- PSB on September 20th, 2007

I’ve never posted before but I have to agree with Tary… it seems that lots of people here are turning this in to a “perverted” and “creepy” topic. You’re not in their home, in their bed, or in their family life and you don’t know everyting that is going on. To spin your own ideas into something that could be completely normal and nurturing for them into something dirty is worrisome.

- PL on September 20th, 2007

To say you wouldn’t invite your own teens to sleep with you is fine–you’re just talking about how you raise your kids. But making judgments like “Sleeping with your teen children is very inappropriate” seems out of line. Their kids, their business. They do it their way; you do it yours.

- Fynn on September 20th, 2007

ITA Cassandra!

I am 21 years old and I still love to lay in bed with my mom and occasionally when I sleep at home and my dad’s not there we will stay up and talk and fall asleep.
I love talking to my mom and being close to her. She is one of my best friends and I see NOTHING disgusting about the relationship we share.

- Crystal on September 20th, 2007

I really liked the idea of the “family bed” before we had our first child….then we tried it for the first 5 months with our daughter and it was a NIGHTMARE! NO ONE got any sleep! As soon as we put our daughter in another room she started sleeping through the night…and so did we! I know it works really well for lots of families…but it hasn’t for us.

- Candace on September 20th, 2007

I don’t think there is anything inappropriate going on in the Kline household. BUT, I can’t imagine why a 16 year old boy (or girl) would want to wake up, in an almost “adult” body and be lookin mom , dad, and sister in the face. wouldn’t it be uncomfortable? my husband and i and our two dogs can barely fit…………and I have small dogs!! =)

- NAN on September 20th, 2007

TRACY – your post is out of line and offensive. As a teen I sometimes slept with my Mom. Heck, when I moved out at 20, she’d sleep in my bed when she visited (no extra space).

I am sure no one here means EVERY NIGHT. Just that the family bed is “open” and available to their probably-well-adjusted-independent-children.

- regina on September 20th, 2007

PSB that is funny, I was going to ask the same question about sex – do you sneak in nooners or what? Those of you who practice this, is it an every night thing? Before Brad Pitt, I honestly had never heard of this, so I am curious.

- emily on September 20th, 2007

A sixteen year old boy and a thirteen year old girl have no business being in the same bed as their parents – period!

- Angie on September 21st, 2007

I am shocked at some of the responses! We do the family bed and our child(ren) are welcome any time they choose. I see nothing wrong with parents sleeping with their children if everyone is okay with it.

- Lorus on September 21st, 2007

Our children used to sleep in our bed occasionally when they were small. But, as they got older they didn’t come in crying so often in the middle of the night. My sons were over 6ft when they were 16 and we would have needed a huge bed to accomodate all five of us. There has been times when I have been watching tv while laying in bed and my adult children have come in to talk and lay down on the bed. I have no problem with that. One of my cats now sleeps on our bed every night. My husband’s not too happy abou that though.

- Kresta on September 21st, 2007

I can’t believe so many people think it’s inappropriate! They’re their parents!

I shared a bed with my mother when I was 14 and my Dad was in hospital for 4 months – it was like a comforting thing. And I always used to share a bed well into my teens when I stayed with my Grandma – then in the morning I’d go and sit in my Grandpa’s bed and we’d have breakfast and talk about the war! And they are some of my most trasured memories, it’s special – definitely not perverted, surely that’s casting aspertions on people’s parents?

- Sarah on September 21st, 2007

Why is it that people have such a problem with people doing things differently from themselves ?

Certainly, we can have opinions but to actually say that someone is wrong with how they live their life or raise their children is being judgemental.

Even though I may not have my teenage children (mine are still under 10 years old) sleep with me, I don’t think it is bizarre for children of any age to sleep with their parents from time to time especially when lots of teenage girls sleep together in boarding schools (I went to boarding school) and in college and sometimes get into bed together, just to be cozy (I mean this in a very non-sexual way for those of you who are thinking otherwise). Is that bizarre to sleep with your friends and not your parents who raise you ?

I am always trying to understand differences from myself and so I ask this question earnestly and not to be provocative:

Why do some of you feel that it is wrong to sleep with your own teenage children ? What is the ‘taboo’ about in your perspectives ?

- yaosa on September 21st, 2007

hey all i agree with many of these posted .it realy is totly a comfurt thing see my mom raised me as an only child and she was a single parent to boot i can remember many of time ware my self or my mom was just have a bad day and just haven the other ther was a releaf….. or not being able to sleep ….. mom always new how to get me to fall asleep even now that i have moved back in with my mom after liven on my owen for the last 10 yrs make me 27 now almost 28 there are still time ware i find my self going and lien down beside her Just to get some sleep ……. see i suffer from a sleep sidorder ware i dont sleep much over a long piod of time some weeks i lucky if i can sleep 4hr in a 7 day week …. so when it get that bad i always go snugle with my mom and funny thing is i fall asleep right away …….mom normily let me sleep unless i start talking in me sleep then she just goes in my room and goes to bed lol

- jenn on September 21st, 2007

I’m glad to see a celebrity talking about this.

As a person who suffers from anxiety disorder, there have been times when I was so distraught I had to sleep in the bed next to my mum. It’s important that people remember that when parents allow their children to do this, it’s not creepy, or wrong – quite often it’s because the child sincerely needs it.

- Anne on September 21st, 2007

I do love how people are so quick to judge parents just because they raise their children different from what their standards are. I really think some people need to stop acting like the what’s correct parenting judges. If you don’t like the idea, then don’t do it but how dare some of you talk about this family like they are really doing something wrong and making him seem almost like a pervert.

- Renee on September 21st, 2007

Kevin Kline combaring himself to Brad Pitt??? First of all, Brad’s kids are 6, 3, 2 and 1 but Kevin’s kids are 16 and 13. It’s OK to sleep in bed with kids under 9 or 10 but older than that..I think it’s wrong! I actually laughed when I read that. my kids (4 year old girl, two year old twin boys and 3 month old girl) almost never sleep in my bed. my 4 year old is very afraid of the dark and couldn’t sleep in her own room until about 5 months ago but jesus if she was 13 and still had to sleep in my bed…. my two year olds share a room and when they are really acting out and refuse to go to sleep, I put one of them in my bed. but that’s as far as it goes. if i found out my 15 year old brother slept in my mothers bed. my god!! ITA with kim up there..

- 28 year old mama on September 21st, 2007

It’s not creepy unless you make it creepy. That’s all I have to say about this subject. *rolls eyes*

- stephanie on September 21st, 2007

I think that 13 and 16 is just a little to old to be in bed with mom and dad. Have a close relationship with your parents is great. But sleeping with almost grown kids is not right. It’s creepy

- Jill on September 21st, 2007

Im gonna chime in here.

I think occasional sleeping in the bed with parents in fine.
BUT every day for years is not.

The reason I say that is cause OVERINDULGING children and coddling leads to a quasi Peter Pan Syndrome and the inability to cope with problems or soothe themselves.

Also, it is the MARITAL BED, not the FAMILY BED.
I do wonder how many moms invite their kids into the marital bed to deflect from having to have sex with their husbands (!!!???)

- preesi on September 21st, 2007

Yaosa? the only reason some people think its taboo or perverted is cause they themselves have dirty thoughts about it.

- preesi on September 21st, 2007

americans really should take a long hard look at ourselves…. the rest of the world gets it. the rest of the world realizes that parenting does not stop when it is dark out. i am sure kline’s kids do not sleep with them every night … i believe he was talking about how they did co sleep and even now if they need to they can which is how i was raised and how my children will be raised and we would be a healthier happier society if every child was treated in such a loving manner.

we wonder why we live in a strange society??? it is because americans have opinions like this… we are taught from a young age to be alone – and gosh we are doing a number on our kids.

PS i cannot CANNOT believe people would even think sleeping with an older child is perverted… that did not cross my mind….

check out this HARVARD study… sums it up.

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

- lele on September 21st, 2007

WOW I don’t think they are talking about every nigh! Even if they are they are the parents of those kids what is so sick about sleeping with your child? My sisters are 14 and 15 and when they come to my house for the weekend ( every other weekend they do this) they sleep in the bed with me and my 3 year old son sometimes my 8 year old and 6 year old daughters too! My 3 year old sleeps with me every night and my girls from time to time.My kids as babies all slept with me at one point it was all 3 every night. My girls at about 5 kinda moved out to their own bedroom, funny thing they have their own bed but I will go in to wake them in the morning and my 6 year old usually is in bed with her sister all snuggled up! I think it’s the sweetest thing. I enjoy waking up to my baby saying good morning mama. As for those who asked about “parent time” and bedtimes…
when I was with my hubby we would put the kids to bed and sneak off to the guest room or livingroom. It’s not hard really. We had the bed against the wall and a bed rail on the other side. It’s not hard to slip out of bed without waking the kids. Usually it was just me and the kids ex was in the Army so he was gone often, in that case I ws beat by 7:30 or 8 and went to bed with the kids. I look back to my childhood and remember sleeping with my grandma and grandpa when I was a little girl and loved waking up and cudling with them!

To each his own and this is what works for me and my family.

- Shannon on September 21st, 2007

ITA with Tary and PL. The responses that turn this into something overtly perverse and sexual are more worrisome than What Mr. Kline himself said. Our culture has become so over sexualized it’s ridiculous. Believe it or not civilatization and society survived for generations and generations when co-sleep practices much like thes were the norm. There are cultures ouside our own where this is perfectly normal and I highly doubt they’re all riddled with abnormal sexually abused kids. It’s ironic that we as Americans are the most prudish and Puritanical about all things sex to the point of labeling the most innocuous activities with a hyper-sexualized stamp, yet our instances of rape, teenage pregnancy, sexual abuse and all other such occurances and perversions are so high.

What works for them as a family isn’t going to work for everyone else. I notice he didn’t recommend everyone does it, I notice he didn’t imply everyone else is wrong for not doing it the way he and his family chooses. Let’s respect that while it may exceed your own personal comfort level, it works for the Klines.

- Grayson's Girl on September 21st, 2007

My kids are 11,6 and 6 weeks and all of them are welcome in the family bed.There is nothing sick about it,not like they are someone elses kids!!!!

They also sleep in grandma´s and great grandma´s beds when they are there to visit.

I slept in the middle of my grandparents until my grandfather passed when i was 9

When they dont want it anymore then thats fine with me until then they are always welcome!!

- Simone on September 21st, 2007

I just wanted to mention that a few websites state that they have a third child born in Dec of 2005.

- Kris on September 21st, 2007

There is nothing inapproriate about it. If they feel comfortable, that’s all that matter. The fact that parents sleeping with their children equals perverted is a bit disturbing. Not everyone equates bed with love-making or sexuality. Some just like laying next to others for comfort–be it friends, parents, or lovers.

- Annie on September 21st, 2007

I think the issue is NOT sleeping with ur children per se, but with your TEENAGED children OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. I think that’s what some of the posters here are concerned about.

To those who sleep with a parent of the same sex, don’t get so offended. Anyway as I gather most of the posters who said they sleep with their mothers are female, it’s prob more common for daughters to sleep with their mothers than sons with their fathers…maybe it’s a female thing?

But when it comes to teenaged children of the opposite sex? Some people may feel it’s inappropriate. It’s understandable.

- kb on September 21st, 2007

hmmmm… ive really stopped posting on touchy subjects like this because of all the confrontations BUT…

I regularily hopped in bed with my parents until about 11, but even then I had alot of anxiety and had a REAAALLLY hard time in my parents 100-something year-old Amityville-type house. Both of my little sisters did as well.

BUT after that we kinda all realized it was getting old and when we were scared we all came down and slept on the couch…. but when my mom does come over, she sleeps in my bed with me (but not with me and my husband, lol)

My 2 year old son ends up in my bed 4 of out 7 nights, and it doesnt bother me except for the kicking, and our 10 month old sleeps though the night in his own bed, and when we do visit my parents, the only way my son can get down for a nap is if he naps with Grandpa. Is that gross? My dad is very ill and spends most of his time in bed and sometimes just to be able to talk to him we have to go in and lay by him. There is NOTHING sexual there. We lay down, talk, sing songs to the kids and cry about things if we need to.

I think people are sexualizing a bed more than anything else. I can list numerous places people get sexual. Are those wrong places to hang out with your children?

- Liza on September 21st, 2007

Yes, it was the opposite sex thing that got me. Nobody seemed to have noticed my post when I brought that up…

On another note, I read this before I went to bed last night and then I had a dream that my daughter was sleeping in my bed. Lol

- Stephanie on September 21st, 2007

We have a family bed and cosleep with our 3 1/2 year old and I can answer some of the questions. You do not have to go to sleep at the same time as your cosleeping kid. We have a guard rail on one side and I leave one of our pillows on the other side. We don’t go to bed until 3-4 hours after our child is asleep. Secondly, it does not affect our marriage at all. I laugh when I read about people thinking that sex lives are affected by cosleeping. People, please think about it, is the bed really the only place you can be intimate? We see our bed as the place to go to sleep and rest! We enjoy the rest of the house.
Thirdly, it’s rather disturbing to me how people can make all these nasty associations with something like the family bed. Do you not know that in most cultures people co-sleep?? It is only Western society that frowns up cosleeping and is obsessed with fostering “independence” in children. In many cultures the whole family sleeps together in one room.
I think it is rather unfair and quite rude to imply that there is something inappropriate going on with the Kleins. I read their quote and it does not sound to me like they sleep there every night. In fact he said his kids sleep on their bed. He did not say how often and he did not even say “with us”. Their kids might find comfort sleeping in their bed when they are away on business etc. In any case, I understand that not everyone would follow this philosophy, but I find it tasteless to imply something inappropriate/creepy is going on.

- Victoria on September 21st, 2007

I think the issue here is (IMO), that some people think of a bed in a sexual context that’s why it seems perverted to them. I slept with my mom till I was like 8 and my younger sister slept with my mom till she was like 15 or 16 yrs old. I used to make fun of her about it, calling her a big baby and stuff, lol, but I think it’s just a comfort thing. My stepdad was a truck driver so when he came home he would just pick me up and take me back to my room and I would wake up there not even remembering being moved. Besides, I think parents will always will find some time to be together if the kids are sleeping in their bed. Mine did, and there are 3 of us

- lena on September 21st, 2007

Forget about what we all think is right or wrong (and I do think this is wrong) but how about those poor kids now, can you imagine if/when their friends find out, the teasing will be very tough on them and I guarantee they will be teased. He should have had a little more discression about airing that info regarding his kids sleep habits. He might as well also said they still wet the bed! poor kiddos!

- Heather on September 21st, 2007

We don’t have a family bed, per se… But my two older kids (9 and 7) will often come in at night to snuggle. We have our best conversations when they do this and they share the most. It’s a quiet one-on-one time that I would regret not having. We also have two babies (1 and 2) so it’s rare for that alone, quiet time with the older kids.

- Marlee on September 21st, 2007

I agree with the minority of posts regarding co-sleeping as being ok. I think that many are quick to judge, and what may appear to be ‘creepy’ to them may not be ‘creepy’ to others. It saddens me that people hypersexualize things. Breast feeding in public is offensive, because somehow a breast exudes blaitant sexuality? C’mon folks, not all people are perverted.

I slept in my parents bed on many occasions, especially when my father would go out of town. Now, my brother never slept in the bed with my mother as he got older. In college, he actually would grab his pillow and cover and sleep on the floor on my mother’s side of the bed. We frequently ‘camped out’ in my parents room and would fall asleep after watching a movie.

My folks are as normal as it gets, and I come from a stable nuclear family. My parents have been married for almost 45 years. I don’t view a child of any age sleeping in their parents bed as any type of perversion.

- Niecyboo76 on September 21st, 2007

I love that he shared this with people! What a fantastic bond to have with your children, this must be a very close family! We cosleep part time with our 2 1/2 year old, she has a queen size bed in her room and we have a king size bed in our room. Sometimes she’ll wake up and come into our bed, or she’ll wake up and I’ll go to her bed. It’s important for children to know that their parents are always there for them, that security is necessary, IMO, for them to grow into capable adults. She doesn’t need guard rails for her bed because she’s never fallen off either bed (I think because they’re so big!)

That said, my husband and I have sex just fine, there are other places than the bedroom to have sex! Sometimes there is some planning that needs to be done, but once you’re a parent you have to plan anyways. Even if your baby were asleep in a crib in another room, and you knew that you had 20 minutes until normal wake up time, but that you needed 30 minutes to have sex, would you risk baby waking up while you’re having sex? If so, would you keep going while baby fussed in the other room or would you stop? Parenting in general messes with sex lives, not sleeping arrangements.

- Rebecca on September 21st, 2007

When I posted earlier my thoughts were never on, “eww that’s disgusting they’re sleeping w/ their parents!” My thoughts are WHY does a 13 and 16 yr old feel the need to WANT to sleep in the same bed on a DAILY basis w/ their parents??

Sure I’ll lay in bed next to my mom too and watch t.v. and even at one point had to sleep with her when my room was being remodeled but never did I want to continue to sleep with her once it was done! I like sleeping in my own room and I like her in hers!

Can people twist it into something sexual? sure why not w/ the things that go on in today’s world! But seriously I’d have to question the emotional stability of these children and ask why they feel they need to sleep in bed w/ mom and dad at their age?! Because most teens I know don’t want to be that close to their parents LOL.

- J.M. on September 21st, 2007

I have very mixed feelings on this one. On the one hand, I think the concept of sleeping beside a parent or other trusted friend/family member to snuggle is sweet regardless of age-occassionally. On the other, I do think that making it a routine thing is wrong and problematic. Frankly, the fact that many seem to think a 16-year-old and 14-year-old sleeping routinely in the same bed with their parents is normal is disturbing to me. Not because of sexual connotations, but because at those ages, sleeping regularly with your parents is fostering an unhealthy attachment and overdependence. Having babies and toddlers sleeping in the same room makes sense, particularly if the mother is breastfeeding. And I understand allowing young children to come into bed with their parents if they need the extra reassurance every now and then. But if you are a young adult, particularly one on the verge of leaving for the real world like Owen, and still need Mommy and Daddy to get a good night’s sleep, you’ve got issues. You wouldn’t believe how many classmates I met in college who would go home every single weekend and sometimes on weekdays to see their parents, call their parents at 7:00 am every morning, and have their mothers come to their dorms to clean weekly. Co-sleeping regularly as a teen falls into that category of over-attachment and overdependence. It is not healthy.

And speaking from personal experience and respoding to Kevin’s quote about whisking children out of their bed at the least little peep: my mother would come running into my nursery armed with a blanket and bottle every time I cried to rock me to sleep with music. The result? I didn’t learn to fully sleep comfortably on my own until I was around seven or eight years old, and even then it was years more before I could sleep without some sort of light and the radio on low. My mom sure regrets that decision.

- Lauren on September 21st, 2007

I agree with kb. To me most people are creeped out by the fact of opposite sex children sleeping in the bed with their parents. If Katie Couric made a comment on how she likes to sleep together with her three daughters no one would have made such a fuss about it especially with her losing her husband. If she had made that comment and had three sons it would be a different reaction. Most of the posters on this who are women talk about sharing a bed with their mother, but they never mention sleeping alone in bed with their fathers, even they may be a little disturbed by a teenage girl sleeping alone in the same bed as her father, they might even call the authorities. I say to each his own, as long as everyone is happy.

- LolaCola on September 21st, 2007

Kids will find SOMETHING to tease others about, so who cares. I think most of us agree not any one thing works for everyone nor for every child. My personal experience growing up, was one where the parental bed was OFF limits. First of all my poor mother was/is so anal retentive that if a bed is made YOU BETTER NOT DARE TREAD UPON IT! So just to start there,lol. The lady would be in her king- sized bed alone and say I’d be afraid(which was ALL the time)and I’d try to lay down, being as quiet and still as possible, she’d use a very stern voice and say “now DON’T move”. How messed up is that. Now that I am 41, and have raised 2 and am now raising 1, you better know I have a very different philosophy. There are times we do the co-sleeping, there are times we don’t. My husband (2nd) is 51 and “old school” on this… so he and I have had some pretty heated go-rounds. But, thankfully we MOSTLY agree when it is important to our daughter to be in out bed. Every child is wired different and every family is wired different. Just don’t think there is a one size fits all on this topic. If the Klines are lovin it, then I’m lovin it for them!

- Campbell on September 21st, 2007

I don’t think it’s creepy or inappropriate no matter what age or sex your kids are. What about people who live in 3rd world countries or are really poor and whole extended families live in a one room shack? Would people still think that is creepy and inappropriate? However just because I don’t see anything wrong with it in those terms, that doesn’t mean I would do the same thing with my family. I just don’t see how it would be comfortable with several much grown adults to sleep in one bed because it seems like they would all be waking each other up. Even if the bed is 20 ft long and they aren’t touching, I still think it would bother me if someone else was tossing and turning. I’m just really used to sleeping alone though, so right now I can’t even imagine sleeping in the same bed with my husband when I get married. I’m sure I’ll get used to it though.

- legemc on September 21st, 2007

Phoebe Cates looks great doesn’t she?

- Melanie on September 21st, 2007

Of course there’s no problem with a parent/child co-sleeping arrangement when the parties are the same sex, but I personally don’t think older kids/teens co-sleeping with a parent of the opposite sex is appropriate. However, to each his/her own!

I agree, Phoebe Cates looks fantastic!

- mim on September 21st, 2007

sleeping with your child is always okay. coming to the conclusion that a teen age child sleeping with their parents could be sexual is a problem… so those of you that would come to that conclusion you need to counseling!

- ming ming on September 21st, 2007

J.M.-

Not all teens experience the typical ‘I hate my parents and don’t want to be around them’ phase. Thank God I didn’t go through that.
He never said “they feel the need to sleep in bed w/ mom and dad”. Maybe they just like to spend time w/ their parents. That’s not a bad thing. In fact I think it’s wonderful!

- Crystal on September 21st, 2007

Lauren? That is exactly the reason why my AUTISTIC son has always slept thru the night in his own room and bed…
I didnt go running and over coddle him, everytime he fussed.
The reason Im making a point to point out my son is autistic is cause most autistic kids do not sleep thru the night and are up all night.
Mine sleeps thru the night EVERY NIGHT.
Its nice to be able to say that out loud cause I dont dare brag about that with my sons friends parents cause none of their kids sleep at night and Im afraid to brag cause I dont want them to feel bad.

- preesi on September 21st, 2007

personally, i see nothing wrong with it.
i’m 28 and i grew up quite the opposite..not being allowed to sleep in my parent’s bed. when i had nightmares at night, it never entered my head to go into their room..i turned on my light and read books until i felt okay enough to sleep again.

teenagers needs love too. just because you are 13 or 16 years old does not mean that you don’t need to feel safe sometimes or that you don’t need to be cuddled or held. there is nothing wrong with a parent holding their child, no matter how old and i seriously think that the number of people whose minds AUTOMATICALLY went the “perveted” and “disgusting” route are far more worrisome than any 13 year old sleeping in the same bed as his/her parents.

let me ask you this..if a 13 year was taking a nap, during the day, with his/her parent in the same bed would you feel the same? and if so, then how is that different than at night? what, because it’s dark??? *eyeroll*

- J.T on September 21st, 2007

How many times have you heard someone say they couldn’t sleep without their spouse sleeping next to them? Why are children expected to sleep alone, at any age, but then suddenly it’s ok to be attached to having someone sleep with you simply because you’re married?

I hear the “I can’t sleep without my husband laying next to me” all the time from wives of civilian men (my husband is in the military and often some comment is made about how the other woman doesn’t think she’d be able to handle military life.)

- Rebecca on September 22nd, 2007

It’s COMPLETELY inappropriate for teens to sleep with their parents on a routine basis. Those of you that think it’s natural, maybe you should go move to a country where that sort of thing is considered acceptable. Burping at the table is considered a compliment in other cultures, so should we do that here in North America? And just because in third-world countries, they only have one room for the family to sleep in, we should adopt that too? Ok, I just bought a 4 bedroom home, but I guess I should just move everything into one room. Right. And women don’t wear bras in some countries and let their boobs just sag down to their bellies…. I guess we’re really behind the times here!!

Get with reality people.

- Diana on September 22nd, 2007

I think what struck me as odd, as well as other posters who arent familiar with co-sleeping, is that i pictured it as an everynight thing. Like every night mom dad and both teenage kids go to sleep in the same bed. I dont think there is anything WRONG or TABOO or SEXUAL about it. It just seems that one would want their privacy.

Thinking back i can recal laying in bed with my dad and reading books, falling asleep and being carried to my bad. I still lay in bed with my mom and watch movies and eat ice cream when ivisit. I dont sleep in there but that is because my dad snores and i like to sleep in my undies. Haha…! WHen i was 16 i wanted to listen to loud music, stay up late on the phone and dance around with my friends. I didnt want to cuddle up between my mom and dad everynight. It’s not wrong, just different to those of us that need our space and privacy.

- morgan on September 22nd, 2007

Good for him! Sounds like a loving family.

- Zbella on September 22nd, 2007

I think the jury is in, Kevin Kline. If your kids are still in bed with you at the ages of 13 & 16, your method clearly did not work.

- mm on September 24th, 2007

wow! where do i start? i never posted before but i feel stongly about this and i just came across this post.First of all i think it is pretty obvious that he isn’t talking about every night! I slept in the same bed as my mom until i was 13 and sometimes in the summer my brother (5 years older) would join us too cos it could get hot and the only room with aircon was my moms,and it was only a double bed, also when i was staying at a frinds house my brother would still sleep with my mom if it was hot enough. It is sad to think some people have their minds so twisted that they would see something sexual in that!

- Natalie on September 24th, 2007

It’s really insulting to say that because a young person doesn’t ALWAYS sleep by themselves, that they must be overindulged and overly dependent. My parents were divorced and my mother worked nights. I slept in the same bed with her when she was home all through my teen years, but I obviously slept by myself at least three nights a week when she was working! I never had issues sleeping by myself, even though I was the only one in the house on from thirteen on! Since people have commented on the opposite sex thing, I’ll add that I slept in the same bed with my dad until I was about ten, at that point my mother was very insistent that there was something wrong with it and I made myself start sleeping in my own bed at his place. Looking back, I think that was stupid of her. There wasn’t anything strange going on, and I think her insistence that there was something wrong with being close to him kind of hurt my relationship with him. I don’t think there is anything wrong with what Kevin Kline described, opposite sex or not… When I start to have children, I would prefer to have my own private space for my husband and I, as I tend to think my experiences were more the result of divorce than my parents leaning towards a family bed. If they had stayed married, I believe things would have been different. I probably would have been sleeping with siblings at that point and my parents would have had more privacy, just guessing.
I have to also agree with the military wife who said that many people say they can’t sleep without their spouse. My husband just got out of the Marines, and I have had many women make the same comment to me.

- Elizabeth on September 24th, 2007

Wow this is so weird I never knew that some people regarded it as “strange” to sleep with your parents! I guess because I was raised this way, that I just grew up believing that this was what most people did. I slept with my parents pretty much until I went to college at 18, and on a regular basis until I was about 16. And for those of you who are wondering, I had no problem adjusting to sleeping alone by the time I got to college. Until I was about 13 I would sleep in between my mom and dad; then after that I would sleep on the end next to my mom. Starting at the age of about 8 I would fall asleep in my own bed and then crawl in bed with my parents in the middle of the night after they had gone to sleep. We all slept well. As for being overattached or overdependent, well I certainly was neither of these things; in fact I was pretty much as far from that as you could get. It was my mom who always wanted me to be dependent on her (she still does and I am now 23!), but I only see my parents about once every 6 months now… When my mom comes down of course we sleep in the same bed in the hotel room, but when my dad comes down to visit me with my mom they either get me a separate hotel room or my dad sleeps in one room and my mom and I sleep in the other. No, as a kid/teen I never felt the NEED to go into bed with my parents… I was usually just cold, or wanted someone to cuddle with. There is absolutely nothing weird or disgusting about that. Now that people around my age are having kids and warning each other about the fact that they won’t get a good night’s sleep for a while, well I know my parents never had that problem bc they held me thru the night so I never needed anything. I myself don’t plan on having kids for quite some time, but I know that when I do I will be sure to give them the same gift of comfort and affection that my parents gave me. As a teenager and even now, I was very rebellious and always getting into trouble, so my mom and I were able to put our differences to rest (pun intended) when we laid down for the night. When I was in college and using a lot of drugs and had my mom very worried about me, I felt like one of the best ways I could assure her that I would be ok (at least for the time being) was when we were in bed together. I myself am intrigued by “alternative” lifestyles and choices, and I believe we need to recognize the fact that just because we ourselves do something a certain way, does not mean that another way is right or wrong.

- Amanda on October 12th, 2007