Britney Spears writes to fans, explains time in rehab

In a letter to fans on her site, Britney Spears, 25, writes about her sons, Sean Preston, 20 months, and Jayden James, 8 months, her stint in rehab, and people’s perceptions of her. Some excerpts:

I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons areasleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is sosurreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hitrock bottom. Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol ordepression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD…I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in alittle shock too. I didn’t know who to go to. I realized how muchenergy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gonebecause I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made meso sad. I confess, I was so lost.

When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just like a little girl should. Nowrecently I find with my children that I want them to have that feelingall of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since Ihave children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was littleare coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.

I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and Ihate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason forthis letter…to maybe allow people to look at me differently…I am only human people and I love you for still loving me…I just hope this lettermade some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am comingfrom. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that isto be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their ownperception of me and how they think I really am.

Source: Britney Spears

Click the extended post for her letter in its entirety.

Dear Fans,

I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain some of the things that I have been faced with recently.

It’s so funny how many stories are put out there about people. It’s like we all want our side of the story out there as well, but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what is really going on since the bad is always so much more interesting than the truth. I don’t know why, but this is so weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn’t be here.

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.

This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person…it is me. When I was little I remember every  night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just like a little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.

I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason for this letter…to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a "bitch."

I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or GoodMorning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.
I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is so surreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That’s God’s job. I can’t wait to meet him…or her.

Love, Britney

Comments

I am glad she’s taking responsibility for her actions and not blaming other people. I wish her well. But I am not sure she’ll ever have the fame like she did before. I think people ultimately for some reason want to see her fail and they get a kick out of watching young celebs wither away to nothing (i.e. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton)…obviously we have seen what fame can do to young people but it’s also their responsibility to not fall down that path. I hope all the girls that are having troubles in their lives find some peace and take care of themselves before it’s too late.

- J.M. on May 29th, 2007

this was a very open and well spoken letter. i believe much of this is true….none of us have any idea what it must feel like to have your life played out in the magazines for so many people to see.
she has a lot of growing up to do but so do the rest of us..i pray she finds the peace and happiness she is looking for and the paparazzi and trash mags can move on to spin another story….

- leslie on May 29th, 2007

I agree. I went through a difficult divorce in a small town and it was unfair how all eyes were on me, and everyone was poised to see me self-destruct. It is an extremely painful and confusing time to have a marriage end, and leave you with small children and wondering who you are and how you will define your life and be able to give your children what you know they need. Britney’s stint was normal. It is societies insane, jealous and hateful obsession with watching stars fall. Ironically the same folks are ultimately to blame for putting these young stars on unreasonable pedestals to begin with. Have a heart and pray for healing.

- Kathy on May 29th, 2007

I wish Britney the best of luck in finding peace and happiness in her life.

- Carrie on May 29th, 2007

Wow! actually is like the first time she sounds honest.
I feel so bad for her I’m not a fan but this girl has to face all of her problems in front of the whole world.
The letter was touching and it seems like she is trying to get her life on the right track again.
I’m happy that she is spending time with her kids and that they are a blessing for her.
They will always love her no matter what.
I really enjoyed the letter it was well put together.

That part where she says that most of the time people use her really touched me.
It seems like she can’t trust anyone anymore.
I hope she gets better and I hope she enjoys every single second of being a mom because like she said it. Kids are a blessing <3

- Laura on May 29th, 2007

I really hope she can get herself together, especially for those two precious babies. Sounds like she could use some time volunteering or maybe mentoring a young girl, maybe a young teen who’se interested in dance. Britney, if you’re reading this, we love you and want you to be happy!

- Audrey Hepburn on May 29th, 2007

I’m not sure I agree with some of the other comments. I’ve lived with addicts and this sounds like avoiding admitting she had/has a problem. I agree with her about people’s belief in the worst and people manipulating her. I think every celebrity has similar issues. But I don’t think she was put in rehab by her parents and manager for them to avoid being fired, disowned etc. It sounds to me like she IS trying to lay blame at other people’s feet. Sure, alcohol and depression might not have been the root cause of her problems but I believe they certainly took over her life and caused her to act out in the many strange ways we saw after Jayden’s birth.
She might be a mum/mom but I think she’s missed some vital stage of “growing up”.

- Lilybett on May 29th, 2007

I feel like Britney’s biggest problem is that she cares too much what other people think of her and not enough about what she thinks of herself. She seems to need a lot of external validation – and basing your life on that is always going to lead to disappointment.

Lillybett: I agree with your post, you make some very good points.

- Sara on May 30th, 2007

I can’t help myself thinking that Britney really is ‘playing the victim’, intentionally or not. She seems very concerned with herself, her feelings and with what people (mostly strangers) think of her. I feel Britney is putting far too much effort and energy into trying to please everybody. She writes ‘… I feel I was too open…’ – well, I feel she still is, now more than ever. With those long open letters (remember that bitter poem she had on her website last year?) she just ensures that paps/mags etc. have even more ammunition against her. It’s like a vicious circle and maybe that’s another reason why there is always such a huge crowd of paps following her around, because they know she’s giving them more than other celebrities do. It’d be better if she’d deal with her issues in private.

Britney, grow up. Your babies should be your concern, not what people think of you!
I wish Britney and her little sons well.

- pink.lioness on May 30th, 2007

Lilybett I agree with your entire post.

- Brooke on May 30th, 2007

I completely agree with you, Lilybett! Well said! =)

- Erin on May 30th, 2007

It sounds like she has matured somewhat and may be on the right track. Good for her and I wish her the best.

- Laura AS1 on May 30th, 2007

I think Britney always wants all eyes on her. That’s why she acts the way she acts. Drinks, does drugs and so on. She really needs to grow up and only worry about her self, her sons and not what other people or fans may think.

- Lola on May 31st, 2007