Joely Fisher on divisive parenting

‘Til Death star Joely Fisher co-hosted The View a couple weeks ago, which re-aired yesterday morning, and talked about what goes down in her household when she and her husband, Christopher Duddy, have a parenting debacle.

We tend to agree on most things. There’s a little bit of undermining though – ‘Don’t say that! I already said no!’

The couple has two daughters together, Skylar Grace, 5 1/2, and True Harlow, 14 months, and Skylar has already picked up on when the powers are split in the household and how to and with whom she should negotiate to get what she wants.

Skylar, who’s almost 6 now, has already learned the manipulation of who’s gonna say yes to what things. She completely knows. There’s a lot of eye-rolling, already a lot of hands on hips. Already I’m ridiculous. I don’t know when that happened.

Although she and her husband may disagree on certain things, Joely says Christopher’s a great dad who’s given her an even greater family.

He’s a fantastic man and a wonderful father. We have four children, two girls together…and he has two sons (Cameron, 21, and Colin, 19) that have been mine for 11 years.

Comments

Children are amazing at getting what they want, and that’s a terrific skill in life. When it means “being sneaky” by asking one parent when the other is sure to say “no” or asking the other parent when the first one says “no” to the request, it undermines the trust in the family. This is not the lesson we want our children to learn. Parents can let their children know that it is acceptable to ask mom or dad, AND it is not acceptable to ask dad if mom didn’t give the answer the child was looking for. The child can explain to mom her reasons for asking and request that mom reconsider. It is OK for parents to change their minds. A great thing for a parent to ask herself when her child asks to do something is, “What positive could come of doing this the way my child is requesting?” Sometimes it is great for parents to let go of a “fixed position.” Other times, it is most appropriate for parents to hold the limit they have set.

- Maggie Macaulay on April 7th, 2007