No rush into marriage for Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham

by CBB correspondent Joyce:

Although they have two children together, Mark Wahlberg says he and girlfriend Rhea Durham do not have any immediate plans to tie the knot out of love and concern for their kids, Ella Rae, 3, and Michael, 10 months.

Both Mark and Rhea come from broken homes and do not wish for Ella and Michael to endure one too if they could help it. He says they will get married when they are confident the union will last.

Divorce is a bigger mistake than living with two children, not being married. My parents are divorced, her parents are divorced – so we want to succeed.

Regardless of whether not they wed, Mark, 35, says he is going to spend the rest of his life with Rhea, 28.

The two have been together for six years.

Source: Extra via National Ledger

Comments

I have no issue with people choosing not to marry and be partners for life. However, the concept of being concerned a union won’t last and not to get married for that reason is pretty stupid after you already have the kids.

- Hilary on February 15th, 2007

I just hope he isn’t using Rhea as his home base…hopefully, Mark isn’t suffering from Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free Syndrome.

- landroverdisco on February 15th, 2007

His stance makes absolutely no sense to me. I could understand deciding not to marry if he didn’t believe in the institution, didn’t think it was necessary, ect. But to not marry because he fears it would not last? Hello, it’s possible to not be married and still break up, happens to folks all the time. Not being married doesn’t automatically guarantee longevity in a relationship any more than being married does.

- LAILA on February 15th, 2007

I usually do not comment, but I must say that I agree with him 100%. If I ever get married, it is for once and it will not end in a divorce, but last forever. I just believe in the holiness of marriage. Some people are just not made for marriage but can happily live in a partnership.

- Kaisa, CBB contributor on February 15th, 2007

I wasn’t aware that not getting married saved one from having a “broken home” if the couple seperated. If the parents aren’t together, they aren’t together, period, whether ever married or not. It’s not any easier for the child, and I would think it would be harder to one day think “My parents didn’t get married because they thought it might not work out”…??

- Cindy on February 15th, 2007

“He says they will get married when they are confident the union will last.

Regardless of whether not they wed, Mark, says he is going to spend the rest of his life with Rhea.”

Okay, how much more confident does he have to get that the union will last???

- P Dawn on February 15th, 2007

That’s the most ridiculous reasoning I’ve ever heard of. If you really care about your childen having stability, shouldn’t you make sure you’re committed to each other BEFORE having not one, but TWO children together?? Their kids will be traumatized by a breakup whether or not they’re married. Sounds to me that Marky Mark just wants to keep his options open.

- alexp on February 15th, 2007

I think the whole concept of having to get married because you have kids is terribly old fashioned. However, they are kidding themselves if they really think that the children will not experience the same feelings that they did when their parents split up. It doesn’t matter to the children if the parents are married or not but it will be a total change in their lives if Mark and Rhea ever split.

- Trish on February 15th, 2007

I agree with him. I have been with my fiancé for over 6 years, and we are always asked when we are getting married. My parents were divorced. His parents are still married after 37 years. What I tell his family when they ask is, “I am in no rush to get divorced.” We are just as long and committed as a married couple. No relationship is perfect and not every relationship should enter the union of marriage. Think about how high the divorce rate would really be.

- Yonni on February 15th, 2007

Maybe they are having a few problems and are waiting to see if marriage is right for them. Everyone jumping down his throat because of a couple comments isn’t right.
I have a friend who has two kids with her common-law husband but refuses to marry him until he finishes councelling. He has some issues he needs to work out and she won’t marry him until that happens.
I see no point in marrying someone just because. This is why there is over a 50% rate of divorce. People don’t think it through before taking the plunge.

- Lorus on February 15th, 2007

Well, I have two comments.

First: Cindy, alexp, and Trish I completely agree with you – if they break up it doesn’t matter if they were married or not – the kids are still going to have parents who have gone through a split and don’t live together.

Second: It doesn’t matter to me if people are married or not, have kids when they are single – no judgement from me. My partner and I were together for 5 years before we were married and I didn’t think that marriage mattered very much, but now that we ARE married, I find so much comfort and stability in that, and I think that it was a great thing we did and a great gift to give to our (future) children. My view has totally changed, and I wonder if other people found that?

- Grace on February 15th, 2007

Gotta agree with him, his comments make a lot of sense. I can see why many may not agree with him but the conventional way of having a family isn’t for everyone, but not everyone is same. The world is very different place from 10~40 years ago which is scary and yet thrilling. Married couples are now the minority and some fear that. A lot of people do not want to get married anymore. Frankly who cares ~ we all were raised with our beliefs, some desire the old fashion way of getting married first and starting a family which is the way I did it but that’s what “I” wanted. While others opt for living together and having children or just being single and having children. I guess my point is, I’m not paying his bills nor am I in his life, as long as the whole family is happy. So Mark as Digital Underground would say, “Dowatulik!” LOL yes I realize I just quoted Digital Underground.

- Natalie S. on February 15th, 2007

I love Mark and Rhea but they’re setting a bad example for their kids. Let’s say they don’t get married. Ella and Michael will grow up thinking it’s okay to get with some guy or girl and have babies with them without getting married. I remember in 2003 or 2004 Mark said he and Rhea had to “iron out” a few rough spots. I know they’re scared because their parents divorced. Before Rhea became pregnant with her first child, it would have been great if they both took a step back and analyzed their relationship. I don’t think I’m getting my point across so I’ll give you a website: http://www.pureloveclub.com/ –listen to Romance without Regret. I really suggest you do this. I think it opens a lot of people’s eyes to new things.Check out the whole website. It’s amazing. Jason and Crystalina Evert changed my life.

- Alicia A. on February 15th, 2007

Actually, statistics show that couples who live together unmarried are more likely to split than married couples. My theory is that it is harder to get out of a marriage, which makes it more likely that a couple will try and work things out when hard times hit.

- Karen on February 15th, 2007

Karen, you are absolutely right. People live together before marriage so they can “test drive” each other and it usually it doesn’t work out. Couples who live together before marriage are the least likely to marry.40% break up.

- Alicia A. on February 15th, 2007

Alicia and Karen are both exactly right-couples who live together before marriage are statistically much more likely to divorce than couples who live seperately before marrying. Furthermore, Mark sounds terribly unsure about and uncommitted to his relationship with Rhea. He left her after Ella’s birth for a few flings only to get back with her and get her pregnant again. It’s obvious that their relationship needed to stabilize before adding kids to the equation, and shame on them for doing so. The reality is that relationships like this one promote the idea of disposable families, which isn’t healthy for anyone-not the partners, not the children. Mark is just looking for an excuse not to commit to Rhea.

- Lauren on February 15th, 2007

If Mark and Rhea break up, their children will be from a broken home anyway… married or not.

- bella on February 15th, 2007

I don’t get these statistics that people are throwing out. I thought people who lived together first and then got married were more likely to stay together and that if this were the situation less people would get divorced because they know before marriage what it’s like to live with that person. Most of my friends/family that are still together lived with their significant other before they were married while those who didn’t live with each other first have gotten divorced.

- Hilary on February 15th, 2007

Hey Hilary! Yeah, there’s definitely couples who have lived together then got married and are perfectly happy.Unfortunately, that’s not the way it usually works. I’ll give you a few websites in case you’re interested and for any other reader here. http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html
http://www.gwu.edu/~ccps/rcq/rcq_negativeeffects_waite.html
http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2002/jul/02072504.html
There’s definitely other places people can go to learn about this. http://www.pureloveclub.com/ –Listen to Romance W/O Regret. It’s beautiful. Look around the website too. If anything, it can give people new insight.

- Alicia A. on February 15th, 2007

I really like him…too bad he said this. If you’re not sure your “union” will last, why would you bring children into it?

- Erin on February 15th, 2007

When it comes to celebrity couples I agree with him, seems like celebrity couples have more of a chance if they aren’t married than if they are!!! But no matter what it is their choice and if they are happy than what does it really matter.

- Diana on February 16th, 2007

Seems like most of the ‘cohabitation leads to higher divorce rate’ issues stem from a religious point a view.

- Hilary on February 16th, 2007

No, it’s actually true, even without the religious aspect. My BA is in Sociology and we spent a lot of time on the topic, and now that I’m getting my masters we’re spending a HUGE amount of time on it when discussing family therapy. It’s so interesting to me, because the stats are the exact opposite of what I thought they would be.

- Sarah, CBB News Editor on February 16th, 2007

Sarah-that is completely fascinating. I’m a divorce atty and I’m going to start asking my clients cohabitation questions b/c I really thought the result would be the direct opposite as I would think you would resolve issues by living with someone before you walk down the aisle. Now when I do pre-nups I’ll make a point in mentioning that LOL! Anyways, I wonder if that stat is eventually going to change with time and with so many couples deciding to live together before marriage.

- Hilary on February 16th, 2007

that does not make sense. it will affect the kids either way. if they “break up” instead of “divorce” I am sre they will have seperate homes and the kids would go back and forth between them. They would still have to go to court for child support and visitation if they do not agree on things. there is no difference.

- Sara Halloran on February 17th, 2007

Am I missing something? Doesn’t the emotional harm made to children of divorce affect children of partners living together? They too lose one parent from their daily life if their parents split? They too suffer feelings of guilt and lose? Marriage license or no, the children still suffer from a split, might as well have the knowledge and understanding that your parent’s at once vowed their lives to each other!

- Nisha, CBB Senior Contributor on February 18th, 2007

He is not going to be with her for the rest of his life because they broke up last month and are not even living together but they still share the 2 kids and that is why mark has been seen with other woman so they are not going to be together forever and Mark got mad when rhea kept trying to force the marriage!!!!!!!!!!!

- ella on July 9th, 2007

sometimes its better if they split. my parents try to stay together and they shuldnt because that just puts more hard times on the kids because the parents try to do stuff together but they cant get along or dont love each other anymore

- libby on February 13th, 2008

I totally disagree with people procreating and No marriage. This is leading down a very BAD road that we will pay the price for in the Future. Thank-god that my husband and I are from a family that believes in marriage commitments and our families are flourishing from this. Both my children know that you do NOT have children until after marriage and you stay commited. Thanks, Carol.

- Carol on June 12th, 2008

These 2 kids (the parent kids) make no sense. They won’t get married for the sake of the kids because they fear they might have to dissolve the marriage for the sake of the kids. Otherwise they’ll stay together.

- Pete on August 8th, 2008