carrie monahan goes to my school she’s in my class

My husband’s father died when he was very young. His uncle took him and his brothers to the annual Father-Son breakfast at school. Does Katie not have a male relative or family friend that would enjoy taking the girls? Her father, her brother, or one of her brothers-in-law? She could take them herself, too. Goodness, even my husband’s mother went to some events, and no one even batted an eye that she was there.

My school didn’t have parent-child nights: either father-daughter, father-son, mother-daughter, or mother-son. Katie could think about changing schools, too.

I don’t think father-daughter or father-son events or mother-daughter and mother-son events are any more “grossly insensitive” than baby showers are to infertile women or bridal showers are to single women.

There are many life situations that are sad, painful, unpleasant, and beyond our control, but I wouldn’t tell others to hide their joy because of my own pain, and I wouldn’t want them to.

In addition, my husband’s mother died when he was 21. He has been without living parents for nearly 17 years now – most of his adult life, and almost as long as he had living parents. Yet, he doesn’t find it painful or insensitive of me to send a Mother’s Day card to my mum, or a Father’s Day card to my dad (which he enjoys choosing and is happy to sign). But he may be in a different place in his grief journey than Katie.

How does Katie feel about the Mother-Daughter events? She only mentions the father-daughter night. Does she eschew the mother-daughter events out of sensitivity to those who no longer have their mothers?

At my daughter’s school, they have a father-daughter dance in the Spring. Although she has a two-parent home, it still rubs me the wrong way. I do think it is a bit insensitive, as there are many little girls out there without dads. Why make it harder than it already is? They should just have a social event that includes everyone. I don’t think Katie is wrong for saying so.

I agree with Katie. My son’s school has donuts for Dads and my sons 2nd grade teached took him 2 years in a row. Although he was grateful for the offer, he felt out of place and embarrassed that everyone knew his dad wasn’t there. He had other kids ask him where his Dad was and he didn’t know what to say. Any event, that singles out a specific parent, grandparent, etc. is “grossly insensitive” just as Katie says. Furthermore, my sons had a project about their family tree and history and were quizzed about what their relatives did for a living, etc. My son (God Bless Him) got up in front of the class and told everyone that his grandfather was in prison and that he doesn’t know what his father does because he doesn’t call. Then, the school calls me at work to tell me they have a problem with what he said and that it was very uncomfortable, never thinking for one minute that they have no business putting children in a position of having to talk about painful family situations. I told the school they owed him an apology and that I would never make my son feel embarrased or ashamed for the behavior of his father, grandfather or anyone else. It’s ignorant to think that all kids come from happy, 2 parent families. The majority of families deal with issues like death, divorce, disfunction, etc. To create a situation where any child who doesn’t have a “normal” family is singled out is irresponsible, and cruel. There is absolutley no need for it and it amazes me that the schools continue to sponsor these types of events. How about “Family Breakfast” or “Breakfast with your Hero” where you child can invite someone they admire? I know this post was long, and I apologize for rambling on, but I completely understand how Katie and her kids feel…

I think it’s great that Katie acknowledges how important the girls’ nanny is to all of them. There are so many celebrities out there whose children are almost exclusively raised by nannies and they never publicly express one word of thanks. I like that Katie doesn’t hide the fact that she has a nanny, and is truly appreciative of the work she does…….

I agree, I don’t think it’s “Grossly Insensitive”. I think if you have a father to go to the event, good for you. If you don’t, that’s okay too.

hear, hear! if u can’t take ur dad, take an uncle or grandpa or godfather or whoever. i am single and i think valentine’s day is a rort coz basically ppl who r in love get presents and flowers and chocolates n stuff n i don’t get anything. i am technically allergic to tons of foods so when i was little i got left out of lots of food-related activities at and away from school also.

Jen,
I also teach and we have Donuts with Dad and Muffins with Mom, but we let our kiddos know too that grandpap/grandma, aunt/uncle or special friend are always welcome.
I really admire Katie and think she is a wonderful woman/mother, but I didn’t care for her comment about the events begin “grossly incensitive.”, but again we are all entitled to our opinion!!

I am a teacher, and we have Doughnuts with Dad and Muffins with Mom each year. I am always sure to specify that they are free to bring their father or any other male relative (and vice versa). I don’t think it’s insensitive to try and get parent’s involved in their children’s education.

I’m sorry some find father/daughter nights insensitive, especially grossly so. I was raised by just my mom, and hey, it does happen…I never begrudged my friends time with their fathers. Would I have liked a father’s involvement in my life? Certainly. But we’re not all the same. I’m sure there are plenty of activities that everyone can be involved in. I never really saw myself as lacking. I wonder if Katie and her daughters do anything everyone else might not be able to participate in. There are many reasons why kids can’t be a part of activites in school. I wonder if all those activities are also grossly insensitive? I dislike it that all the papers I sign for my children come addressed to legal guardian rather than parent. But the word parent is apparently considered insensitive to some, too.