Patricia Heaton snoops on son's emails

Everybody Loves Raymond star Patricia Heaton admitted that she keeps tabs on her oldest son, Sam, 13, by reading his email and text messages. 

She said, "I think he is [interested in girls] and the only way I know this is because I check his emails. When he goes to sleep I get his cell phone and check his text messages.  They don’t talk to me about anything. They’re boys. ‘How was school?’ ‘Fine.’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Nothing.’"  She adds, jokingly, "And then a parent will call and say, ‘Did you hear about the stabbing on the playground?’ And I’m like, ‘Why didn’t you tell me about the stabbing on the playground?’"

She has three other children with husband David Hunt – Dan, 8, Joseph, 9, and John, 10.

Source: Contact Music

Thanks to CBB Reader Mary Beth.

Do you snoop on your kids?  Do you feel justified or guilty?

Comments

tink1217 on December 27th, 2006

I admit I have snooped on my daughter’s journal and email. But only when I thought something was wrong, she was having some emotional problems at the time and I felt justified because there actually was a problem(she was starting to cut herself). It was around the time of her first real boyfriend and there were issues with her biological father also. I am glad I did it because then we could get her some help. I have never done it since though. I don’t think I would unless I thought something like that was going on again. I think when it involves a potential problem like that it is justified. When it involves just knowing what they do at school or when they are with their friends or just because they don’t talk to you about that stuff I think it is snooping and its wrong. There is a fine line though.

Michelle on December 27th, 2006

I think its wrong to snoop on your kids. They need their privacy, too. If your kid is getting in trouble or doing things you don’t like as a parent then maybe its ok to check up on them

Michelle on December 27th, 2006

you shouldn’t snoop on your kids they need their privacy too.

J.M. on December 27th, 2006

I think if you suspect your kid is doing something wrong then you do have a right to check their things (esp. if you pay for the computer and phone) however I don’t agree with just snooping for no reason. If I ever caught my mom snooping in my things I would lose alot of respect for her and in return truly wouldn’t engage in converstaions with her about anything in my life! So I think you got to be careful of how you do things.

My aunt and uncle have a myspace page (that there kids don’t know about) to keep an eye on their kids!!!

Snark the News on December 27th, 2006

I say go for it! There are so many creeps and scumbags out there just waiting to get your kids that I think she’s doing the right thing–especially in her family because of the press. Go for it!

Steph on December 27th, 2006

I think that there are limits. Yes, children/teenagers deserve and need their privacy BUT I believe that if there is a reason to…then go ahead. As parents you are there to protect your children and if you feel that your children are in trouble or are not telling you what maybe going on..then it is your parental duty to find out. With the way the internet is these days… I can not stress how important it is to monitor them on the computer.

Campbell on December 27th, 2006

It is mmy job to be all up in my children’s business. Period.

Karen on December 27th, 2006

I hate parents like that. Learn to trust your kids. Unless if your child has shown reason to be untrustworthy, give them a chance.

Tasha on December 27th, 2006

These days kids are crazy….so yes it’s justified.

Sabina on December 27th, 2006

Snooping in your kids’ stuff is no way to earn their trust. I truly believe that children deserve to be given the same respect as adults. When you don’t respect a child as a person the danger of child abuse becomes greater. My father treated my sister and I as voiceless, choiceless posessions for the duration of our childhoods and it caused serious problems in our home which still hurt now.
Obviously as a parent one has the responsibility and duty to keep kids safe and know what they’re up to, but children have the right to certain boundaries and personal space. I would never, ever read my child’s diary unless I had reason to suspect something harmful or unlawful was going on.
The internet is different, I would monitor my child like a hawk until they were at least fifteen. But I would do it whilst they were on there, I would not put on a pretence of giving them free reign and then track them once they were asleep, I feel that’s disgraceful behaviour.

Tricia on December 27th, 2006

I don’t think it’s right to snoop on your kids like that at all… I mean, give them their privacy! If they went through your personal things, I don’t think you would like that either. I know I would not.

mouse on December 27th, 2006

I think it is horrible. She is lacking in the parenting department. If he ever finds out I think it would create alot of trust issue and not only with his egotistical mother.
I do not care for that woman.

Punk_of_a_Tomboy on December 27th, 2006

My mother has never once gone through my personal things and i’m a trustworthy mature teenager. I know kids who get into trouble and do stupid things, but i absoultely don’t belive that justifys invading personal space.

Trust your kids. If we have a problem we can’t handle on our own, we will come to you! If we’re doing something we’re not suppost to be, eventually you will find out, but not by invading our privacy, that will just make us hate you and then we’ll never talk to you or come to you with our problems because we dont trust you anymore.

I hate it when my mother comes and stands over my shoulder when i’m on my laptop. Yes i do have some things on here that aren’t exactly G rated. I’m 16, i don’t know anyone within my age group who hasn’t, at some point, at least been curious. If you want snoop and make sure your child is never able to ‘experiment’ in some way (and i don’t mean sex when i say that), it’s like raising them in a cardboard box and then dumping them out of it.

AllisonJenny on December 27th, 2006

“These days kids are crazy….so yes it’s justified”

Tasha, I would respectfully disagree.
Kids today aren’t better or worse than
the ones in previous generations.
The problem is that there’s
more access to the technology
and information sources than
ever before.

Mar on December 27th, 2006

I have 6 children, 3 of whom are teenage girls. They have all been homeschooled from day one, and we have sheltered them, but they also have lived very full lives! They (the older 3) have myspace pages, and have many friends that they like to keep in touch with that way. My husband and I have myspace pages also, and our kids know that we will and DO keep a tab on their pages. That is one of the only ways they are allowed to have a page. I think that if you care about what your kids are doing, you will know what they are doing, and if something comes up, you can talk about it with them. If you don’t have communication with them as kids, will they have a good relationship with you when they are adults?

PSB on December 27th, 2006

Maybe her kids don’t tell her anything because they don’t feel she’s open and accepting. She seems very conservative and judgemental from lots of her interviews. If I had a mom like this, I might hide things too. Many boys tell their moms a lot, so maybe she needs to examine WHY they don’t tell her stuff instead of violating their trust. As long as she doesn’t expect drug use or something dangerous, she should leave them to their childhood. Kids are allowed to have private lives within reason.

PSB on December 27th, 2006

ALSO – Guess she doesn’t think she did a great job as a parent or she’d trust that her kids can tell right from wrong – as she presumably taught them. My parents always gave me leeway, but reminded me that they would be very upset if I went against their rules or endangered myself in any way. They told me that I could come to them no matter what – if I got myself in trouble. I respected my parents and was so scared to disappoint them, that this, itself, was enough of a deterrant againt me doing bad things.

halifaxhoney on December 28th, 2006

I don’t have children but I don’t think that I could say that I wouldn’t do.

I think as far as emails are concerned it would be something I’d monitor simply for online safety concerns. A 13 year old can sign themselves up for most online communites that may not be something that one would want their children part of. I would never read a diary or journal. My grandmother (she raised me) had daily chances to read mine and she never did. I was very grateful for my privacy and I never took advantage of the fact that I had alot of it.

Aura on December 28th, 2006

My mother has NEVER snooped. She has never read my diary, looked at my emails or anything like that. I tell her everything because I trust her, and want her advice on any problems I face. However, I would shut up straight away if I knew she spied on me ever. But we have repect and trust for one another and as a result I feel I can trust her as she does with me. I don’t believe in snopping and my mother has stated on many occcasions she feels its the worst parenting mistake you could make.

Keppa on December 28th, 2006

Being in my 20′s, having moved away from home, and looking to someday start my own family, I think I can look at both sides of this.

Yes, teenagers deserve to be trusted and respected, of course. If parents are snooping just to find out information such as current boyfriends, what happened in school that day, or other small things which they want to know just because kids generally give the obvious answers of “nothing happened” and “everything’s fine,” then I wouldn’t see that as justified just as I wouldn’t see it being ok for kids to snoop on their parents (which I did to my mom and it certainly confused me to read her diary)

On the other hand there are a TON of creeps and other things going on out there which kids, as smart as they may think they are, don’t always know how to handle, and also WON’T always tell their parents. If I were ever concerned about my child’s safety or health in one of these facets I would absolutely check in on it (trying first to go through my child.) And I’m happy that my mother did it to me….
back then I wasn’t, but once you grow up and actually realize what you were up against sometimes as a kid, your perspective on it can change.

mouse on December 28th, 2006

psb, Very well said.

Andrea on December 28th, 2006

I don’t think that it is right to just go around snooping in your kids stuff. I am a parent of a 6 year old, and although there is obviously no need to worry about this stuff now. I do believe that it is a parents responsibilty to know what is going on with their kids, but there is also ways to go about finding information without viloating their trust. If you suspect that there is something wrong.. let snooping be your last resort. What happened to just talking with your kids. Showing them that you take interest in their affairs rather than loosing their trust or causing more issues than need be. By snooping on something that may not be that serious in the scheme of things… that when something more improtant comes along, they will not be so opt to come to their parents for help…. I hope that I have done a good job with my daughter in letting her know that she can come to me with anything… and if they do get into some type of trouble… you just reassure them… its all a learning process, if they didn’t make mistakes, how will they learn?

melanie on December 28th, 2006

I won’t snoop on my kids. If I think something is wrong and they don’t want to talk to me, I’ll ask one of the other kids or a family member to try to get to the bottom of it. If you find out about a situtation by snooping and confront your child, they will furious. And the next time they’ll just be more sneaky. Then you get into scary territory where they never want to tell you anything. Believe me, I had a mom who read my diary and eavesdropped on phone calls. It has affected our relationship to this day. I feel like I cannot trust her. I have 4 younger siblings who feel exactly the same way. We still love her no doubt, but you can never forget the feeling of violation.

Stina on December 28th, 2006

My mom always went through my stuff. And I knew it. I was mad at first, but then as I got older I started to see she was doing it for the right reasons. By her doing so, she kept me out of trouble, and always knew about things that were going on in my life. It kept me safe. I think I will go through my kids stuff.

My mom never talked to me about what she found, she just took action on whatever the situation was. If I was seeing someone she didnt want me to see, she told me I couldnt see them for a funky reason. If she knew I was cutting school, she would take me and pick me up. Thats how she fixed it. Instead of actually talking to me about it, she just fixed the problem. Unless it was a MAJOR issue, like drugs or sex. Luck for me I was never involved in those things as kids!! I dont think its wrong.

Andrea on December 28th, 2006

What ever happened to just asking your kids, or talking to your kids if you suspect something wrong? Why are we as parents so quick to jump to the worst conclusion and violating our kids trust so that they are more opt not to come to us when there is something seriously wrong. What happened to allowing our children to learn from their mistakes, and being there to guide them in the righht direction. I belive that if you build a strong foundation of communication with your children, then snooping will not or would not be the first resort but the last!!!!

kendra on December 28th, 2006

I don’t think that she should be reading his text messages, but I also don’t think he should have text messaging in the first place. He’s too young to be that obsessed with staying connected…phone calls and emails should be enough.

millie on December 28th, 2006

I think it’s absolutely wrong to snoop UNLESS there is a very good reason for it (child is obviously going though a tough time and won’t share it with the parents, like the first poster’s daughter who was cutting herself). I have a teenage daughter and I would NEVER invade her privacy except in an extreme situation like this. Even then I’d prefer to talk to her first. I think that children’s privacy needs to be respected and the best way to be informed is talking to your kids. If Patricia’s sons don’t talk to her, there must be a reason for it. They either don’t trust her or don’t feel she’ll be understanding and accepting (judging by some of her other comments, it’s not entirely impossible). She made it sound (I watched the program) like it’s every GOOD parent’s DUTY to read emails and text messages. She’s missing the boat here: they surely know what she does, and, if there is something going on, they found a way to communicate without her knowledge. I lost even more respect for her after this statement.

millie on December 28th, 2006

To people who think a complete control is a way to protect your kids: what are you going to do when they leave home to go to college, with no tools to protect themselves?

mel on December 28th, 2006

snooping on grown kids whom are almost adults is just plain controlling. I TOTALLY think its ok to be “ALL up in your childrens business” but I dont consider kids in high school- especially juniors and seniors, worthy of not being trusted. I think youve got issues as a parent if youve got to snoop.

joy on December 28th, 2006

My mom and I are really close and she and I have a special relationship. I have never once felt like I couldn’t talk to her about anything. Sure some things I wish not to discuss but that’s just my way of having some sort of privacy for myself.

She never snooped or tried to “find” things out. I was a fairly easy child too so that helped. My brother was the trouble maker and I assume she’d do alot more snooping on him (and still does even though he’s 27). But she had every right to since she could always catch him lying to her. My father was also not around so he was going through alot more at his age. He didn’t feel the need to confide in my mom. I am sure if our father was around he would of been more open. Boys tend to be closer with fathers and girls closer to mothers as they mature. I can see how Patricia’s son would be quiet but has she ever tried to just simply ask him about things if she suspects something isn’t right?

I don’t see the need for parents to be so overly protective and snoopy as you would call it unless they truly felt that their were reasons. Kids want you to trust them and as a parent you need to trust your child. But then again trust needs to be earned from each person.

I don’t think I will be the snooping type of mother. If my child acts differently or seems a bit shady about things then I will talk to them. If they don’t seem open for communication and I feel something more is going on then I do have the right. But I would hope that as a parent I would have taught my kids that it’s okay to come to me and talk to me about things. I want that open relationship like I have with my mom. I was never afraid to say anything that was on my mind even if I knew she wouldn’t agree with it. Kids want to know that they can come to their parents for guidance but if they grew up being fearful to do so then they won’t. So the lesson I guess is to keep and open and honest relationship from day one. Let your kids know that you are there to talk about anything and everything. Wouldn’t you rather know what they’re doing then fearing what their doing?

Katie on December 30th, 2006

I think that’s obnoxious. Kids deserve some privacy too. At some point you have to have confidence that you’ve raised them right, and trust that they will make good decisions.

Heav on January 2nd, 2007

My mother never snooped on me – EVER. She made it abundantly clear to me that she would trust me as long as I was worthy of that trust. I never got into drugs or alcohol or sex, I never talked to strangers online, because she taught me right from wrong. We had (and still have) an awesome relationship based on our mutual trust and respect for each other. It’s too hard for your child to grow up into a well-rounded adult if you control their every move. If a child cannot trust their parent, who in this world can they trust?

Shame on snooping parents! You need to teach your children how to be responsible adults. Teach them how to behave responsibly from the BEGINNING, rather than waiting until after the fact to show them right from wrong.