Uma Thurman lauds the working mom

by auditioning contributor Laura:

Like many women, Uma Thurman often feels torn between her family and career.  "I’ve learned that every working mom is a superwoman," the 36-year-old actress tells Parade magazine in its July 16 issue.  "For most of the world, it’s really a necessity.  The stay-at-home mom is over not just because of women’s liberation but because of men’s liberation from wanting to be the breadwinners."

Uma, nominated for an Oscar for her role in 1994′s Pulp Fiction, filed for divorce from Ethan Hawke in 2004 after six years of marriage.  They have two children, Maya, 8, and Levon, 4. "I have a great career and two healthy, beautiful, smart and funny children," she tells the magazine. "We’re an incredibly tight-knit threesome, and we have so much fun together." The actress, who says she’s "just another American woman who was in an unfulfilled marriage that fell apart," refuses to throw any dishy darts at the 35-year-old Hawke. "I cannot participate in anything critical about my children’s father," she says.

Sources: The Boston Globe, Wire Services

Comments

She’s so classy. I think she’s an amazing woman and mother. She obviously went through a lot of pain with her marriage ending but she kept the reasons why private.

- Lorus on July 24th, 2006

Now I don’t want to start anything,or say anything bad about Uma because she has been through alot but I do want to say that the stay-at-home mom IS NOT OVER. I know many women who stay at home to raise their kids so someone else doesn’t raise their kids. and the husbands are overjoyed at the fact that their kids are being raised by their parents and not someone else. I know Uma was talking from her standpoint but I just wish she didn’t say it was over. That aggrevated me a bit.

- michie on July 24th, 2006

I think she meant the idea that being a woman who has to stay at home with the kids is the only option out there for women. At least that is what I took from her statement. The idea that, “I have children so my career and my life outside of the home is over.” I don’t think she was belittling or saying that “STAY AT HOME MOMS ARE SOOOO OVER” in any way. And to your point, many working moms don’t have “someone else” raising their kids. Many working moms have schedules that allow them to work while the kids are in school, etc. Basically we all do what works for us. No way is better or worse than the other.

- lizzielui on July 24th, 2006

ITA with you, michie! I am a stay-at-home Mom raising two wonderful children. The time of the SAHM is certainly NOT over and I agree that Uma was a bit out of line saying so. In the situation of a single parent, I understand why for her it isn’t possible, but sometimes when you want something badly enough; you find a way to make it happen. Focusing your priorities on richness of life and love and not on richness of “stuff” can make a big difference in your ability to make being a SAHM a reality. It’s amazing what you can do without when you put your mind to it — and not even miss it. :< ) Life is full of choices ...

- annabelle on July 24th, 2006

More than anything I think she was coming from the male’s point of view – that men no longer feel like they have to be the sole providers for the family. Now women have more choices to work outside the home whereas before it was out of the question as far as some men were concerned.

- Nixon on July 24th, 2006

I don’t think she was saying literally that SAHM are over.I think that she was saying because maybe men aren’t making as much money that many women don’t have the option of being a SAHM.In that case many women have to work.I don’t think that she was trying to diss on those women that chose to be SAHM.I myself am a SAHM so I know its not over.Plus I also think that its great that she doesn’t choose to bad mouth her ex, or go to much into her marriage about what went wrong like some celebs do.

- karlee on July 24th, 2006

Totally think the SAHM being over thing was misinterpreted by the above posters. She meant the era of moms who stayed home (without choice), as karlee said. It’s also no longer taboo for a woman to *want* to have a career in addition to her family, even if she has the option to stay home.

Many women HAVE to work. They are still raising their own children though. If you are fortunate enough to have a choice in the matter – be thankful everyday. I think it’s pretty mean to sling around statements like, “someone else raising their children”. No one would ever say that to a man who had the option to stay home with his children, but chose to work outside of the home. You’re setting women and mothers back 60 years with those kinds of comments.

- Victoria on July 24th, 2006

So, if you choose to work (and you don’t have to, like Uma) someone else is indeed raising your kids while you are at work, right?

I sympathize with the moms who work because they HAVE to but I think Uma is trying to assuage some guilt here…

- yogadaisy on July 24th, 2006

I dont feel one bit guilty about being a working mom,and I choose to do so. I dont think women who are SAHM’s should feel guilty with either. It’s all a personal choice,and we have to do whats best for us and our families. We shouldnt judge.

- Carrie on July 24th, 2006

I adore Uma, but isn’t her little boy’s name Roan?

- Katie on July 24th, 2006

Some people work alternative schedules so that they can be both SAHM and work. I work graveyard while my 2yr old and 6 month old sleep (and my husband is home with them) and they wake up about an hour before I get home from work. My husband gets them up for the day and I am with them all day (while he works)and even put them to bed at night. I’d say that was pretty close to SAHM, right? When do I sleep? While my my kids are taking their nap and if I’m really tired then I take an additional hour after dinner when my husband gets home.

- Ashley on July 24th, 2006

Katie, his name is Levon Roan. It’s unclear which he goes by day to day.

- Sarah CBB News Editor on July 24th, 2006

I raise other people’s children. And I am looked down by the mother’s because I don’t “WORK” outside the house. If I wasn’t taking care of their kids who would. If you work and your kids are in school I applaud you for doing both. But if you have little ones and you have someone, be it a nanny, child care provider or grandparent/any other relative,watching them 10+ hours a day like I do, someone else is raising your kids. But when Uma said “The stay-at-home mom is over not just because of women’s liberation but because of men’s liberation from wanting to be the breadwinners.” I got very offended. I like her as a person and she is a great mother, especially for not badmouthing Ethan Hawke for her children’s sake, but when she said that I felt my choices were looked down on. And that is why I said what I said.

- michie on July 24th, 2006

This argument gets so old sometimes. Truth be told, unless you are a stay at home mom and you are home schooling your child until they are 18 then in theory someone else other than yourself at some point is going to “help raise your kids.” Teachers and counselors are also a part of the process of raising kids whether we want to see it that way or not. On average kids are in school being taught and guided by someone other than their parents between 8-10 hours a day until they are 18. I understand that some people were rubbed the wrong way but what Uma had to say but I honestly don’t feel like there was any malice behind her statement. What I do have a problem with is when people pull out the “someone else is raising your kids card” if you choose to work outside of the home. Many kids are raised with the assistance of others and a lot of them are better off for it. As the old cliche goes, it takes a village.

- lizzielui on July 24th, 2006

Very interesting and true point she makes regarding “males liberation of not wanting to be the breadwinners”.

- Heavenly_Hibiscus on July 24th, 2006

Why must we women be so critical of each other’s choices? The decision to simultaneously pursue motherhood and a career is a deeply personal choice, and none of us have any right to declare the superiority or inferiority of another’s decisions on this matter. The “best practice” is both context- and person-specific; generalizations simply do not fit.

I am not yet a mother, but to be perfectly honest, I am appalled by the sentiments expressed here. The statement that working mothers are handing their children off to be raised by others is especially offensive. Childen are not raised in a vacuum; the input of many different people is invaluable. Furthermore, don’t working mothers provide an excellent example of balance, egalitarianism, and professional contribution for their children? Why would the choice to pursue a career necessarily compromise one’s love for her children?

To make such derogatory statements about a working mother’s commitment to her children is utterly absurd. Likewise, it’s absurd to degrade the choice to the be a stay-at-home mom. As women, let’s hold ourselves to a higher standard.

- Michelle on July 24th, 2006

lizzieliu said, “On average kids are in school being taught and guided by someone other than their parents between 8-10 hours a day until they are 18.” Not true. My oldest is in elementary and is only gone 5-1/2 hours. Sorry to split hairs but 8-10 hours in not even close! I drop her off at school and pick her up. I think it’s so important to have that stability and consistency. I was a latch-key kid myself and hated it.

I suppose I have to admit feeling judgemental to those who put their 6 week old babies in daycare to work. My cousin did that so that she could continue to work to pay for a bigger-than-needed house and that is just plain sad. I feel that babies and small children who are fostering attachments with people other than their parents in the early years are missing out terribly. Later on, as they become adults, our society pays for it.

A small child should have his or her parent with them 24/7 (with the exception being the occasional babysitter so Mom and Dad can get a break and reconnect).

- yogadaisy on July 24th, 2006

Sometimes stay at home vs. working mom “choices” are not what they seem, as I’m sure we all know.

I had to put my baby in daycare to go to work to make ends meet for my family, as my husband’s ex-wife petitioned to have child support raised right around the time my baby was born. She got to stay home with their school-age children because she decided to homeschool them. While she and my husband were married, he paid for her to get a master’s degree, and their agreement was that she would go to work when their children were old enough to go to school (of course this was made null and void by the divorce).

I know, wah wah wah. I went into the situation with open eyes when I married a man with children. I could have not married my husband and avoided it, I suppose.

Anyway. My son seems to be thriving. But I’ll probably never stop being bitter about it.

- me on July 24th, 2006

some parents can’t be with their kids 24/7.Some people do put their kids in day care to work at a yound age.It’s not always because they want to,but have too.Some parents have to work to pay the bills and other things.They don’t always have the option to stay with their kids until their 2-3 months old.It’s a sacrifice that some have to make.Not spend time with their child is hard they are not doing this out of spite ,but love. They have to keep a roof over their heads,and food on the table.

- karlee on July 24th, 2006

I am one of 5 kids (!) and both my parents have worked full-time for almost all of my life, yet I don’t feel as though I was raised by other people. In fact, I feel very grateful that I have such a strong, independent and loving woman as a mother.

- Lucy on July 24th, 2006

Yogadaisy, I am really not trying to argue this back and forth and make it seem like I do not respect other people’s opinions because I really do. I just take offense when people make it seem like a woman’s choice to work when she has kids is somehow being less than a good mother. My mother went back to work after she had me and my siblings for various reasons and my grandmother lived with us to help out. Trust me when I say that my mother being at work did not hinder our bonding experience with her the least little bit, nor our dad;s for that matter. Like a previous poster said, we all thrived in our development in childhood. Every scenario is different. As for my previous post, I chose the 8-10 hours scenario because I was factoring in extracurricular activities, clubs, sports, tutoring, etc. When I was in school we went in at 8 and because of all of the stuff we were invloved in I usually got home at around 4:30 or 5:00, especially when I got to late elementary on up. Bottom line is, at some point other peope do become invloved in helping to raise your child. Again at the end of the day both stay at home moms and working moms alike are doing what they think is best for him. Yes, some kids who have parents who work suffer but there are tons of kids who have stay at home parents who are in peril as well. .

- lizzielui on July 24th, 2006

This argument is so old. It’s beaten to death. People make the choices that are best for their family. It’s their own business and no one else’s. That being said, Uma makes a valid point. A lot of men are fed up with the stress and responsibility of being the only income. How could they not be? They often work much longer hours and sacrifice time with their families for money. Not to mention the constant stress of possibly losing their jobs.

- spindoctor on July 24th, 2006

Sheesh, people-you all need to chill out! If you read the Uma’s comments in their entirety, it is clear that she means women have reached a point where they are free to be mothers as well as work outside the home like their husbands, which is fantastic. She was not trying to “assert guilt” or anything else of the nature.”
YogaDaisy, I see where your logic of going back to work so soon after a baby is born is going, but I have to say I’m a bit frusterated by it. Is Heidi Klum a bad mother because she chose to attend the Emmy’s six days after Henry’s birth and model in a Victoria’s Secret show eight weeks after? And how is your cousin going back to work to help pay for a luxury house that will benefit her family in the long run selfish? Six weeks is definitely a respectable amount of time to spend with an infant before going back to work imo. I also don’t agree that children and babies who become attached to adults other than their parents are missing out terribly-quite the opposite. My godson is four months old and while I don’t get to see him nearly as often as I’d like, I look forward to becoming a strong influence in his life and possibly even working as a nanny for him as he grows up (Both his mom and dad work outside of the home, and he attends day care). I would be ecstatic if he becomes attached to me at some point. I think it’s very healthy for children to have role models other than their parents-they always know they have someone else to turn to for help, and if that’s a nanny, I say so be it. Bottom line: There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, a mom who works outside of the home, and/or having a nanny. I’m disappointed by some of the judgemental attitudes here, as they suggest that mothers should find a way to do all the work themselves without extra help. It is also a disrespect to Sarah, who has mentioned more than once that she works as a nanny. Some may want to keep that in mind before they shoot their mouths off.

- Lauren on July 24th, 2006

I am sorry if my opinion on what she said stirred people up. I was stating my experiences and my view points on what I see around me. Their are mothers and fathers who can do both and who work their butts off for their families. But then their are the others, that I know who don’t. They have kids and hand them off to me to raise because they have other things to do. I have these kids up to and over 10-12 hours a day. It is not right. I get the phone calls from the school nurses and from the kids at night when they need help or want to talk. I have been doing this, taking care of 10 kids over 12 years, and I am the one who has done all the field trips and the science fair projects. I am the one who goes to the games and the plays. I love every second of it, but in the long run the parents get the praise for how the kid is because they are the “PARENTS”. I wish the kids had the parents that were doing it for them like you are all saying. Working and being with them. But they aren’t. They are more concerned about the big houses, big fancy cars, being the best hostesses and going on European trips WITHOUT their children. I wish they had the parents you are all talking about. But they don’t. They have the parents they got. And my job is to be sure they are taken care of. It is the best job I could ever ask for, but I also take it very personally and I apologize if you all don’t understand where I am coming from and how I feel. I hope you all have great balances with your lives and great support systems. But remember that not all of us do and the ones of us who don’t need a place to go to to talk things out and when we do and we get feedback that is being posted today, how are we not supposed to take things personally and to heart.

- M on July 24th, 2006

I guess I can’t imagine there are many working mothers who can relate to someone who took home $16 million dollars for her latest film! Therefore it is difficult for me to take to heart anything she might say.

- josiekate on July 25th, 2006

I kind of have to agree with M here. My future sister in law has been a nanny to a certain family for several years now. Sadly, she is basically the childrens’ mother. Their real mother doesn’t do a darn thing. My FSIL is the one who takes care of them, drives them around to wherever they need to go, cleans their room, feeds them, does their laundry, deals with their behavioral problems, etc. etc. etc. This list just goes on… Their real mother could have chosen to stay home if she really wanted to. Instead, the parents have chosen to have a big fancy house (which they really don’t need as a smaller house would benefit the kids just as much in the long run). They’ve also chosen to have ridiculous, gas-guzzling cars and to go on expensive dates. Obviously, those things are worth more to them than their children (or so it seems from the outside). My sister in law is just now starting to get really frustrated with this family… As already mentioned, she’s the one taking care of the children (literally all day, every day) but the parents take her for granted. She isn’t appreciated and she doesn’t get any credit for all the things she does for those kids… the parents get the credit of course (which they shouldn’t). So, in some cases, parents should be putting their children first instead of their careers. Even if it means giving up the 3,000 square foot house or SUV. Your kids will be better off for it.

P.S. This has nothing to do with those parents out there who absolutely have to work to pay for the basic necessities. That’s different…

- Ash on July 25th, 2006

I should have also mentioned that, when we were growing up, my mother chose to stay at home with my sister and I. Sure, we couldn’t afford to go on vacations and we always had old cars, but big deal… In the process, I learned that spending quality time with your family is more important than material things. I compare myself to the spoiled brats I went to school with, and I’m thankful that I was raised with the proper values. Often, I don’t think parents realize that they may be inadvertently sending the wrong message to their children (i.e., “It’s more important that I have a career so I can buy you expensive toys instead of spending time with you. I’d rather buy your love”). Just something to think about.

- Ash on July 25th, 2006

I agree with Vicki Iovine, author of the “Girlfriends Guides” (to pregnancy, the first year of motherhood, toddlers …). She says any mom who’s doing her best is the best mom in the world. I think that means Uma’s the best mom, you are, I am … regardless of the context and personal situations within which we do our mothering. It’s hard to find a mom who doesn’t love her kids more than anything. The way she shows it and lives it just looks different from family to family.

- Fynn on July 25th, 2006

Ash, tell your FSIL to hang in there. Even though the both of us do all the work for the individual families we work for, the kids are the ones who will remember who was there for them when they were sick, when they forgot their lunch, or needed clean clothes for school the next day. Even though we don’t get the credit from the parents the kids are the ones we do it for. And in the end, when they are grown up, they will remember that someone was there to take care of them. It may not be their parent but it was someone who loved and cared about them.
I am pretty fed up with the sets of parents I do this for. I have been ready to quit quite a few times. But then I step back and see that I would be hurting the children. Not the parents because they will go find someone else to do it. I have watched these kids and known them since they were born and it would be harmful and damamge them if I left at the ages they are at. So I am sticking by THEM till the end. I could be out making tons more money at some other job but I chose to do this because I know how it feels to have someone be there for you and help you when you are a kid. I want to do that for other kids and that is what I chose to do. It doesn’t pay anything in $ but what I get in return from the kids is worth more $ than anyone can put a price on.
Ash, tell her to hang in because the children will love her for it and that’s all that matters.

- M (michie) on July 25th, 2006

Michie ~ You rock. Thank you for helping the children. You are making a huge difference in their lives.

- yogadaisy on July 25th, 2006

Thank you!! That means more to me than you can imagine. More than I get from the parents. That made my day.

- M (michie) on July 25th, 2006