Gwyn Installs Pool for Her Water Baby

03/05/2004 at 10:44 PM ET

Some might find my interest in pregnant celebrities a little unusual, but when I read headlines like this or announcing "Gwyneth to raise baby in Spain," well, even I wonder, "and this is news?"  And you know they issued a press release about it because it was in every magazine, newspaper and on every news show.

Just in case you were camping for the past few weeks, Gwyneth and shotgun husband Chris Martin of the band Coldplay had contemplated giving their child a British education but then she was given some land in Spain so they’ve decided to bring the kid up in Spain. 

I’m going to sound like Howard Stern or even Rush Limbaugh, but… what’s wrong with raising your kid in the United States?  Are you too good for us Gwynnie?  You grew up here, remember?  Even your bestest friend Madonna grew up here.

Hell, I would love to live in another country but that’s mostly because I’m fed up with being middle class in the US plus I think Bush is destroying the economy (I had originally said that if Bush won, I was emigrating).  If I was filthy rich like the Paltrow-Martins, I could afford to raise my kid much better- no matter where I lived.  I don’t think they are going to raise a much different kid.  Just one with a different accent.  That kid is going to have a snooty macrobiotic mother with a fake British accent- that’s going to have the most affect on the babe, not what country they live in.  Besides, they’re going to end up travelling so much anyway, what with her jetset life and Chris’ touring.

If I let her have my bedroom, would she raise the kid in Forest Hills?

The second press release: Gwyneth plans to have a water birth.  She has installed pools in both her London flat and mother’s LA home just in case she goes into labor in California.


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